


Flame beneath ashes

by Nightchild78



Series: Flame beneath ashes [1]
Category: Torchwood
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Swearing, Temporary Character Death, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-04
Updated: 2015-04-12
Packaged: 2018-03-16 07:26:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 46,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3479474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nightchild78/pseuds/Nightchild78
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU. After the events of Countrycide, Ianto was retconned and allowed to start a new life in London. Intervening accidentally in a burning building, it's a very different man Jack meets four years later. But can Ianto really escape his own destiny?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Amongst eight million people

**Author's Note:**

> Special thanks to my beta reader welsh_scotsman. This story is dedicated to my beloved and missed Uncle Georges who was a devoted volunteer fireman.
> 
> Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

_London, June 8th 2010_

Focusing on his surroundings, the first thought that crossed Jack's mind, when he regained consciousness, was that he was in a hospital. The second one was that he had to clear off as soon as possible, before he began to attract attention with his uncanny ability to recover.

He tried to take a deep breath, but it was as if his lungs were full of lead and a faint groan escaped from his throat. He blinked several times to clear his vision and made out a white ceiling stained by dampness over him. He tried to move his hands and feet and was relieved to feel them intact and free.

The sound of an ambulance coming from the outside confirmed his first assumption, but he still hadn't a clue of how he had ended up in it.

With caution, he ran his fingers over his face and felt a cannula carrying oxygen in his nose.

All of a sudden, he remembered.

He had come to London for a UNIT meeting. At the end of the day, he had been going back to his hotel when he had come across a burning building and at least three fire brigades struggling to tame the flames. It had taken him only one minute to understand that the situation was hopeless. The fire was raging and half of the building was about to collapse. The man in charge was obviously too young and overwhelmed by the events. When he had heard that one of the firemen was still on the building, he hadn't hesitated. Without a thought, he had rushed into the building and found the guy limping on the first floor's stairs. He had picked him up over his shoulder and reached the exit with him. The last thing he had seen before losing consciousness had been a bunch of fire fighters screaming and running to meet them.

He took another breath, only to be stuck by a coughing fit and tried to remove the cannula from his nose.

"Wouldn't do that if I was you, " said a voice near him.

Jack froze in disbelief, his heartbeat raising in high speed at the sound of this unmistakable deep voice tinged with a welsh accent. He turned his head slowly, running his eyes over the room.

He was in a two bed room, but the second bed was empty, its occupant leaning against the frame of the open window, his face half turned towards the outside as he blew the smoke of his cigarette. The man was still wearing his outfit of fire fighter and his face was smeared with soot, so Jack guessed he was the one he had come out of the building with earlier.

Despite the back light of the setting sun, he knew only too well who this man was. Even if he'd wanted to, he couldn't have forgotten him. He was the man he had wiped two years of memories, four years ago, in order to save his life. A man he had thought he would never see anymore, though he hadn't been able to forget him. This man was the former Torchwood One and Three's operative Ianto Jones.

He took a few seconds to look at him carefully. Except for a shorter haircut and a three-days stubble, he didn't seem so different from the man he used to know. He looked older of course, more mature, but his blue eyes were still as clear as crystal. The smile on his face was still devastating and Jack felt a rush of desire which he quickly tried to suppress whilst his eyes kept roaming along his muscular chest showed off by his tight black long sleeve tshirt.

Jack swore inwardly.

_Amongst eight million people why did it have to be you ?_

"The nurses are going to have your head, if you remove it," went on Ianto, letting out one last smoky breath.

"I think they're going to have yours first for smoking in a hospital," replied Jack, finally snapping out of it. He sat up and took off the canule.

Ianto shook his head, stubbed out his cigarette on the window ledge and put the butt back into the packet.

"No risk," he said, closing the window and fully turning his face towards Jack. "I've been around here for a long time. I know all the nurses by their names and all of them have a crush on me."

He moved towards Jack cautiously, hopping and leaning on the wall.

"They're gonna come to check us soon," Ianto informed him.

Sitting on the edge of his bed, he held out his hand to the older man.

"Jones. Ianto Jones."

He stared at Jack, obviously waiting for him to introduce himself. Jack hesitated a moment. He could still give him a false name, but he needed to be sure Ianto didn't remember him.

"Captain Jack Harkness."

Ianto's features didn't show any sign of recollection.

"Nice to meet you Captain Harkness," he replied with a genuine smile.

A shiver run along Jack's spine as they shook hands. _You stole my line Ianto Jones._

"Captain? Which army corps?" asked Ianto as he settled against the pillow and lifted his leg with a wince.

"US Air Force actually."

"Oh. Well, it explains the accent. Anyway, thank you Captain Harkness. I owe you one," said Ianto, pointing at his swollen ankle.

"Is it nasty?" asked Jack with concern.

Ianto shook his head and smiled again.

"No. It's just sprained. I got a lot worse. In fact, the most injured of the two of us is you. I have to say that what you did was very stupid, you know. Fire fighters are the ones who save people from fires, not the ones who are saved by civilians."

"I'm not exactly a civilian," replied Jack

"Nevertheless what you did was stupid. Stupid and dangerous. I was wearing my gear whereas you didn't have any equipment. You could have suffocated. You almost did, by the way," went on Ianto sternly.

"Strange way to say 'thank you'," chuckled Jack, shaking his head. Ianto's expression softened.

"Don't misunderstand me, Captain. I'm grateful, really. But just promise me you won't do it again. The next time, you might not be so lucky."

"Cross my heart," swore Jack half joking. _You don't know half of the truth about me, Ianto._

"Didn't you have enough smoke earlier ?" teased Jack in order to change the subject, pointing at the packet of cigarettes still on Ianto's hand

Ianto looked slightly embarrassed and cleared his throat, tossing the packet on the beside table.

"Yeah, I know it's a bad habit, but I never succeeded in stopping."

He added with a chuckle, "I suppose I lack motivation."

_You did it once, when I asked you to. You just don't remember it. As you don't remember me._

Jack felt his heart sank. He had cared for Ianto, more than he wanted to admit. Letting him go had been very painful. Having done it for Ianto's sake didn't mean it had been easy. But what else could he have done?

Jack sighed inwardly. His mind drifted back to that fateful night after the Brecon Beacons which would stay engraved in his mind forever. When Ianto had almost died. For the second time.

Jack closed his eyes and let the past surface.

_To be continued_


	2. One life for one other

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A big thank you to the lovely readers who took time to comment, send kudos or subscribe.

Jack could never forget the night following their disastrous trip to the Brecon Beacons, where he had found Ianto slumped on the dampened floor of a basement room - the same place he had hidden Lisa for months.

A gun pressed against his temple and tears streaming down his face, the young man had literally begged him on his knees.

"Please, make it end... Pain so constant, like my stomach's full of rats. Feels like this is all I am now. There isn't an inch of me that doesn't hurt. Please, Jack, help me... Make it end, please."

By the look on his face, Jack had known he didn't have any other choice. It was too late. After Canary Wharf and Lisa's death, the cannibals had been the last straw and Ianto was now broken beyond repair. All Jack could have done had been to call Owen for help and cradled Ianto in his arms until the medic arrived. He'd come less than ten minutes later, dishevelled and barely awake, having obviously broken all the speed limits on his way. Owen could be the world's biggest prat sometimes, but when it was about his patients, the only watchwords were reliability and efficiency.

Jack and he hadn't uttered a word, contenting to instead nodding to each other, before Owen withdrew quickly into his lair. Whilst he had been working out the right amount of Retcon necessary for erasing Ianto's memory since he had joined Torchwood One without turning him into a vegetable, Jack had tried his best to comfort the young man, promising him that everything would be alright and he would soon have a new life, freed from pain and sorrow.

When Owen had come back with the pills, a glass and a bottle of scotch, Ianto had suddenly relaxed in his arms as if he was relieved that the choice was taken out of his hands and his torments, at last, came to an end. Being retconned was better than a bullet to the head or to spend the rest of your life in a psychiatric hospital. It had been heartbreaking to see Ianto's utter gratitude when he had given him the pills. He had held him close until the drug started to have an effect. After Ianto had finally passed out and with one last kiss on his forehead, he had left him in the care of Owen and spent the rest of the night and the following morning on a rooftop, leaving the rest of the team to deal with the aftermath.

None of them had complained, though. They knew Jack felt personally responsible for the members of his team and they had already seen how he had been affected by Suzie's betrayal and her suicide. Losing Ianto had been another bitter defeat. Even more painful, considering they had been intimate. Well, he had thought they were intimate. Events had proved him wrong.

From Jack's point of view, he had failed. Ianto was barely more than a kid. A frightened and devastated kid struggling to stick back together the shattered pieces of his life. Jack was convinced he should have been more careful, more perceptive. He was Torchwood's leader, for God's sake. He should have seen the signs and tried to help him in any way. Instead, he had let himself be distracted by his attraction to the young Welshman. To know it was exactly what Ianto had been aiming for hadn't been a consolation.

He had been silent for a long time and he realized that Ianto might take his musings as a sign of dismissal.

He could already felt the Vortex energy running through his veins and his strength slowly coming back. Soon, he would be able to get up and leave. A little voice in his head told him that it was high time that he left, but he wasn't ready yet. He caught himself wanting to know more about what had happened to Ianto since he left Torchwood, and not only by means of impersonal reports. He needed to be sure they had made the right decision.

He looked at Ianto surreptitiously.

"So you're a fireman," he said in order to revive the conversation.

"Yep," answered Ianto with a large smile. « For three years now. »

"Family tradition?" asked Jack, eager to learn more about the man he had become.

Ianto shook his head and let out a snort.

"No. Not at all. My father worked in Debenhams and never approached a fire truck in his entire life."

Jack frown. Debenhams? Ianto had always told them his father was a master tailor. It seemed that it was another part of Ianto's life he had faked and Jack wondered if there had been only one (any)thing true about the young man he had met at Bute Park

Unaware of Jack's bemusement, Ianto carried on.

"In fact, my first job had nothing to do with the fire fighters. I used to be a linguist."

Jack pulled a sceptical face. "Really?"

Ianto smirked.

"Really. Believe it or not, but I can speak at least six different languages."

"Really?" repeated Jack, who knew perfectly well it was the truth. Not only did Ianto have an eidetic memory, but he also had predisposition for foreign languages, not to mention some alien dialects too.

" _Parfaitement, Monsieur_ ," replied Ianto with a challenging tone. "I speak fluently French, Italian, German, Spanish, Russian and a dash of Japanese. Aside from Welsh, of course."

"Because you're Welsh? I'd never have guessed," teased Jack playfully.

Ianto glared at him through his eyelashes, still smiling. "Are you really interested in what I say or are you just making fun of me?"

"Ok, ok, I'll stop it," said Jack, raising his hands in a fake defensive posture. "So what made you give up linguistics for fire trucks and big ladders?"

Ianto's smile faltered and his features darkened.

"The company I used to work for was in the Torchwood Tower," he answered simply, as if it explained everything.

And in a way, it did. Like the World Trade Center before it, the Torchwood Tower had become a symbol of death and destruction for most people and the ones who had been involved in its destruction were still deeply marked, physically and mentally.

"The terrorist attack?" asked Jack, for form's sake, sticking to the official version provided by UNIT after the Torchwood One debacle.

"Yes," sighed Ianto, running his fingers through his hair.

"Were you..."

"No," answered Ianto, his eyes fixed on an invisible point somewhere on the opposite wall. "I was on sick leave when it happened, but my fiancée was in the building at that time."

A veil of sadness clouded the crystal of his eyes and he let out a breath: "She died."

A vision of Ianto, covered of blood and cradling the corpse of his dead girlfriend passed before Jack's eyes, as a smell of powder assaulted his nostrils.

"I'm sorry," said Jack quietly. He knew it was derisory, but he really meant it. He cleared his throat and asked : "Is it the reason you became a fireman?"

"Yes... No... Well, not exactly."

Ianto shook his head and tried to gather his thoughts. It was still hard to talk about it, but there was something in the Captain that encouraged confidence, and he carried on :

"After the attack, staying at London was unbearable, so I went back to Wales. I found a job as a civil servant at Cardiff's tourist office and did it for almost a year, until I had an car accident." He paused. "I was on my way to visit friends at London when I lost control of my car and crashed against a pillar. Bang!"

He clapped his hands together and the sound of it echoed grimly through the room.

"But once again my lucky stars were watching over me, because though my car had been totally wrecked, when I woke up at Saint Helen's Hospital, after three days in a coma, I was miraculously unharmed. With a little exception though : almost two years of my life were missing. The doctors named it PTS - retrograde amnesia. A fancy way to say I can't remember anything that happened to me between being hired by the company after Uni and the accident."

Jack stayed silent as Ianto finished relating almost word for word the scenario tied up by Tosh and Owen in order to explain Ianto's loss of memory. Saint Helen's Hospital was affiliated with UNIT, so it hadn't been too hard to get their collaboration. He knew only too well how Ianto must have felt when he had woken up with such a gap in his life and felt sorry for that.

He glanced at him and refrained from reaching out towards him.

"It must have been awful," said Jack, his voice quiet and sympathetic.

"Yes, at first." Ianto shrugged. "It drove me crazy : I remembered meeting Lisa, living with her, I felt the pain of her lost, but I haven't a clue of what it had been to hear of her death or how her funeral had looked like. I was unable to say what my life was like when I lived in Cardiff. All I knew was what people said to me."

He paused and looked at Jack.

"It felt so unreal, like when you wake up from a nightmare and all that remains of it is that feeling in your guts that something terrible had happened to you."

"Have you regained some memories since then ?"

"None. Apparently, it's a defensive reflex of my mind, the only way it has found to move on." Ianto sighed and his fingers played absently with the seam of the pocket where his cigarettes were hidden. "My grandmother was convinced that everything that happened to you has a reason to. I'm inclined to share her opinion, so I tried to figure out why it happened to me and decided it was time for making some changes in my life to make it more... useful."

"Very praiseworthy."

Ianto shrugged his shoulders.

"At first I wanted to go into medicine, but the tuition fees were prohibitive. I didn't have any grants, a part-time job wasn't enough and a full-time job incompatible, so I had to give up."

Jack cursed inwardly. He had provided a certain amount of money to Ianto in order to help him to start a new life, but it hadn't come into his mind that the young man might want to go back to study. He had just assumed that he would return to his former job of linguist.

"For a moment I was considering becoming a paramedic, then one of my friend told me I should try to join the firemen... _et voilà_ ," said Ianto with a large smile, spreading his arms.

"Don't you ever regret it?" Jack wanted to know.

"Not for a second. The guys I work with are great, the job is exciting and for the first time of my life, as much as I can remember, I feel like it has a meaning."

Hearing those words, Jack's heart tightened. At least, Ianto sounded genuinely happy. No one deserved more to be happy than him. He had suffered so much in his short life. All Jack could do was to hope that what they had done hadn't been useless and he had offered him a better life.

There were still so many things he wanted to know about him.

_Do you have someone in you life ? Are you married ? Engaged ? Do you have children? Want to?_

He was about to ask more questions, when the door slammed open and half a dozen of people surged into the room in a joyful din. All of them were wearing the same outfit as Ianto, so Jack assumed they were his colleagues. They headed straight for Ianto's bed and surrounded it, laughing and joking.

"Hey Jones!" shouted out a guy built like tank. "How are you, mate?"

"I'm fine, Mike. I'm fine," answered Ianto sheepishly, squirming on his bed, uneasy being the centre of attention

A blonde girl threw her arms around his neck and gave him a passionate kiss, Jack's heart skipped a beat. Then, she took a step back and glared at Ianto, her arms crossed on her chest.

"Do it again Ianto and I swear I'm gonna kill you."

Ianto blushed and lowered his head before looking up with a smirk.

"I won't, Jennie. Word of honour," he promised, theatrically putting a hand over his heart.

The girl rolled her eyes and muttered : "As if I could trust you."

"Fucking hell, Jones. You scared us all stiff," said a thin black man, who punctuated his words with a thump on Ianto's shoulder.

"Eh! Take it easy Taylor," scolded the man called Mike with a grin. "No need to damage him even more."

"Come on Mike, he isn't made of glass," said Taylor defensively.

"Drop it, Mike," intervened Ianto in a smoothing tone, lifting his hand. "I told you I was fine. Except for a slightly sprained ankle, I'm perfectly unscathed. Thanks to Captain Harkness there."

He pointed to the bed nearby and his companions looked around only to turn back immediately. Ianto's smile fell from his face : the bed was empty and the crumpled sheets were the only sign that it had been occupied. He looked at his friends with dismay.

"Where'd he go? He was still here a moment ago," stuttered Ianto as he struggled to sit up.

"Calm down, Ianto," said Mike putting a hand onto his arm and forcing him to remain quiet. "Did he say something to you?"

"No, no. We were just talking whilst waiting for someone to come to check us."

"Maybe he's just gone for a walk in the corridor," suggested Mike. "He can't be far."

"Well, maybe he's just allergic to hospital," joked one of the firemen with a shrug, trying to lighten the atmosphere.

"Or, he's like Superman and he's gone to find a phone box in which he could change back into Clark Kent," added Taylor with a booming laugh.

Ianto pulled a face and leant back against his pillows, as his friends gathered around him and resumed their chatter, musing and joking about where his mysterious saviour could have disappear.

Lost in his thoughts, Ianto no longer listened to them. The image that came to his mind when he thought about the Captain Harkness had nothing to do with Superman. Without being able to explain it, it was more about Batman, standing on rooftop in the dead of night, driving a big black car and hiding himself into a sort of a Batcave.

Seeing he was still upset, Jennie leant towards him.

"Are you alright, love?" she asked him in a low voice.

Ianto nodded slowly.

"Yes, yes. I was just wondering..."

"What?"

"I don't know." He hesitated then changed his mind. He gave her a reassuring smile. "Leave it. I must be more tired than I thought."

She patted his hand and smiled softly.

"Don't worry, sweetheart. I'm sure he's fine."

Ianto squeezed her hand and smiled in return, but his smile faded as soon as he glanced at the empty bed beside him and he felt something prickling in the back of his mind.

_To be continued..._


	3. Those little things that change everything

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special thanks to my beta reader welsh_scotsman. This chapter is a shorter than the previous one. It is mostly used to show how Ianto's departure has altered the events of the two first seasons for the others characters. Considering I'm hopelessly romantic, things are a lot different from the canon. I hope you'll like the changes.

_Cardiff, June 23rd 2010_

"We need to talk to Jack," said Toshiko, stretching lazily, as the last beams of the setting sun were bathing the bedroom with gold.

She turned on her side and pressed her back against Owen's chest, who wrapped his arms around her waist and smothered her bare shoulder with kisses.

"Owen...," she insisted when he didn't answer.

He breathed in the scent of her hair and let out a sigh of contentment. "We're gonna talk to him," he finally mumbled against her tanned skin still dampened from their love-making.

Tosh half turned her head towards him.

"When?"

Owen groaned, eyes closed, his forehead resting on the crook of her neck.

"Tomorrow. We'll talk to him tomorrow."

Tosh settled back and entwined their fingers. "I love you, Owen."

"I love you too," he whispered in return with another lingering kiss on her hair.

A few minutes later, Tosh was deeply asleep in his arms. Staring at the ceiling, Owen didn't sleep. He didn't know how Jack would react when he would hear the piece of news, and honestly he couldn't care less.

Tosh and he had been so close to death over the last couple of months, that his vision of life had been radically changed and nothing could force him to give up what they had.

The shattered scar adorning his chest was there to remind him, for the rest of his life, how everything could have ended on the car park of the Pharm. If it hadn't been Jack pushing him aside at the last moment and Martha stopping the haemorrhage from his perforated lung, he wouldn't be here anymore, let alone in the arms of this marvellous woman.

The palm of his hand stroked Tosh's perfect belly tenderly and he felt her skin shivered unconsciously under his touch. No scar was there to help him remember, but he didn't need it.

Owen wasn't a religious man. Though his mother had been a fervent Catholic, he hadn't put one foot in a church since he was a child. He didn't believe in God. The only things in which he believed were Science, his gun and most of all himself. Nevertheless, that day, when he had finally made his escape from Turnmill Nuclear Power Plant, after Tosh had told him how to vent the system into the control room to avoid the meltdown, he had prayed with all his strength. All along his way back to the Hub, whilst he was talking to her after she had been shot by Jack's brother, her voice becoming weaker at any minute, he had literally begged God to spare her and to give him another chance.

He would never forget the horrific vision he had seen, when he had hurtled down the medical bay at the same time Jack, Gwen and John Hart had emerged from the vaults, finding Tosh at the bottom of the stairs, in a pool of her own blood and scarcely breathing. The simple fact of thinking of it was enough to give him cold sweat.

Engulfed in his vain attempts to save her, he hadn't noticed Jack was gone until he had seen him coming back with a strange canister. Owen had never seen it before, and he had assumed it was something Jack had retrieved from the secured archives. Since Abaddon the two men had reached a certain level of mutual understanding and one look at Jack's face had been enough to stop Owen from asking questions. However, Gwen hadn't shown the same restraint and, in spite of the circumstances, had bombarded the Captain with questions.

"Nanogenes" had been the only word that had escaped Jack's lips, before he opened the canister and took a step back as a sparkling cloud of tiny golden fireflies escaped from it. Owen had looked in wonder whilst the so-called nanogenes slowly surrounded Tosh's body in a glowing aura, healing her wounds and leaving her alive and totally unharmed, before they retrieved meekly into the canister.

He hadn't a clue what those "nanogenes" could be nor where they came from and he didn't give a toss. He was just grateful to Jack for having used them, no matter how many protocols he had breached for that. From the moment Tosh had regained consciousness and raised her eyes towards him, he had sworn he wouldn't waste the chance which was given to him and wouldn't be a prat any longer.

A smile spread on his lips as he remembered how clumsy he had felt when he had finally asked her out on a date, two days after Gray's incident. He had felt like a perfect idiot, mumbling and stammering as if he was still fifteen years old. The result had been so appalling that he had half expected a refusal. Instead, she had contented to shake her head and chuckle, before asking him who he was and what he had done with the real Doctor Owen Harper. After she had finally agreed to go out with him, he had kept a dumb smile on his face for so long, that Jack had worried he had been poisoned by one of the plants of the lighthouse.

Surprisingly their first date at one of the best restaurants of the city, had gone like clockwork. At best, he had expected it to be awkward, if not a total disaster. He had been convinced he would mess up at some point, make one of his usual offensive remarks and kill the mood. But Tosh wasn't only a smart girl, she was also endowed with a dry-wit which could easily match his own. Something he could have known a lot sooner, if only he had gone to the trouble of scratching beneath the surface. All things considered, they had had a good time, and they had learnt more about each other in one evening than during the whole time they had worked together.

All he had planned, after that, had been a chaste kiss goodnight at the threshold of her flat, but he should have known things couldn't be so easy.

Throughout the years since Katie's death, he had obstinately refused to let anyone in. Sex just meant sex, No feelings, no emotions, no commitments. He didn't make love, he fucked. It was clear and unambiguous, almost… clinical, for lack of a better word.

If he was honest, Diane hadn't counted as much as he had wanted to pretend. Though he had tried to deny it, he had known from the beginning it wouldn't led anywhere and let it happen exactly for that reason. As for his sex-romps with Suzie and Gwen, they didn't even deserved the name of 'affairs'.

But Tosh was different, she wasn't only a potential girlfriend, she had also become one of his closest friends. Someone he could rely on and he didn't want to hurt.

As they were standing there, face to face in the dim light of the her entrance, questions had started to whirl in his head : was he ready to risk their friendship for something else? What could be that something else? Was it love? Was he ready to love again? What if he took the gamble and lost again? Was he ready to be hurt again? What if he disappointed her? What if…?

He had been about to chicken out and turn on his heel, when he had suddenly felt something click into place and realized that he already had all the answers. With one exception, though : wasn't it too late?

So, instead of letting her go, he had taken her face in his hands and tenderly kissed her lips, pouring into that kiss all the emotions he had held on for so long. Then, his eyes still closed, he had waited. But instead of the slap he was expecting, he had felt her taking a hold of his tie and giving him a fierce kiss that had left him breathless. His last restraint had fallen down and he had returned the kiss, wrapping his arms around her, as she fumbled to open the door and they stumbled inside the flat.

It hadn't only been their first night together, it had also been the night he had freed himself from his past.

After that, one thing had led to another, and they spent most of their spare time together. He couldn't even remember the exact moment he had finally moved into her flat or the last time he had slept in his. It had just felt… natural. In fact, the hardest part of it had been to keep their distances at work and pretend they were just friends.

Not that intimacy between colleagues was forbidden by Torchwood's regulations. There had been a plethora of cases in the past and Owen had himself crossed the line twice. No, the problem was mainly that sex at work wasn't something Jack looked favourably. And for a man with so few boundaries as regards to sex, that was quite something.

After Jack's discovery of Ianto's "secret" in the basement, the Captain had made it his duty to keep his hyperactive sexuality out of the Hub, with no exception. He had even stopped his flirtation with Gwen and it had been clear that he expected the same behaviour of his team by the way he had sent her back to Rhys' bed, after having found out she'd been sleeping out she was sleeping with Owen. Which, all things considered, was rather a good thing, given that Gwen and Rhys were now happily married, with a wonderful baby girl.

Moreover Owen had to admit that, after his disastrous affairs with Suzie _and_ Gwen, he wasn't really keen on broadcasting his relationship with Tosh and that this situation had suited him until then. But now, he was aware things couldn't be left as they stood.

Of course Jack wouldn't jump for joy, but he wasn't really worried about his reaction. The immortal was now a very different man from the one he had met for the first time and if someone had asked him who Jack Harkness was to him, he would have willingly used the word 'friend' instead of 'boss'.

After they had opened the Rift and released Abaddon, it hadn't been a real surprise that Jack had left them without warning and none of them had expected him to come back. They had betrayed him, shot him and endangered the entire world, if not the whole universe. Who could have blamed him?

When he had finally shown up three months later in the middle of a stand-off with a blowfish, he wasn't the same man anymore. The bright smile and the leered comments were still there, for the facade, but something had been broken and looking into his eyes was now like looking in an abyss. None of them had dared to ask questions and even Gwen 'nosy' Cooper had kept her mouth sealed.

Even if he had never confided in them about his disappearance, Owen knew Jack had tried his best to be more open and honest with his team, since he had come back. That was one of the reasons he wanted to return the favour and tell him the truth face to face.

Soon things would became more complicated. Changes would have to be made. God knew he loved his job, but if he was forced to choose between Tosh and Torchwood, he would. With no regrets.

_To be continued_


	4. Déjà-vu

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is now high time for the team to meet the "new" Ianto. You didn't really think that Jack could get rid of him so easily, did you?  
> Special thanks to my beta reader welsh_scotsman and all the lovely readers who subscribed, sent kudos and commented or just took time to read it.

_Cardiff, the next day, early afternoon_

Ianto took a sip of his coffee and couldn't help wincing at the bitterness of the beverage : this thing definitely didn't deserve the name of 'coffee'. 'Sump oil', maybe, but not 'coffee' .

He threw the beaker into a bin nearby and lit up another cigarette, his third since he had reached Cardiff two hours ago. At least, if he couldn't rely on coffee to soothe his nerves, nicotine would do. His hand holding the lighter shook slightly and he had to make two attempts. He took a long puff and rubbed his eyes wearily. He hadn't rested properly for two weeks and the lack of sleep was starting to take its toll.

There was no respite from the nightmares that filled his nights since he had left the hospital. Each time he closed his eyes and gave himself up to sleep, he was assaulted by disturbing images flashing in his head, then fading into the darkness, blurred and vivid at the same time, which left him screaming and panting in a tangle of sweat-drenched sheets.

Of course, he had already had nightmares. After some trying interventions, it wasn't unusual that he dreamt about it for a few days. But nothing similar.

When the first dreams had occurred, featuring images of Lisa, his first thought had been that his conversation with the so mysterious Captain Harkness had triggered something in his mind and he was recovering shreds of memories. Unfortunately, it had resulted in nothing. Apart from these horrendous nightmares, no clear memories had come back to him about his two missing years.

Then things had become even more confusing when Lisa had started to be replaced in his dreams by said Captain. Though he had no reason to dream of a man he barely knew, rather than his late fiancée, those dreams had become increasingly recurrent over time and now, there wasn't a night without the enigmatic Captain coming to haunt him.

So, after a while, he had started to wonder if by any chance this man wouldn't be linked, in one way or another, to his missing past. On second thoughts, his attitude at the hospital and the way he had literally vanished into thin air were more than enough to excite his curiosity. All the more so since the little he had discovered about the so-called Captain had proved to be really intriguing.

He knew it was farfetched, but as things stood, anything at all would do. And now he was here, back in Cardiff, looking for a man that didn't seem to exist, on the strength of more than doubtful information.

Ianto shook his head and flicked his fag-end into the bin. There really were times when he doubted his own sanity.

Leaving the Plass, he walked slowly towards Mermaid Quay. It was a sunny day and a sweet breeze was caressing the shore. It was lunchtime and the Plass was crowded with people going for a walk, shopping or heading to the numerous restaurants of the Bay.

Leaning again the guard rail and looking at the sea, Ianto tried to find something familiar around him, but the only memories that crossed his mind were about his youth, when he was still a teenager and went into town with his friends on Saturday afternoon, before his father died and he left for London. When he tried to think about the year he had spent there after Lisa's death, all he found was a black hole. No image, no sound, no smell. Nothing. As if he had died and been buried all that time, only to be resurrected in a bed at Saint Helen's Hospital.

For a while, he followed passers-by with his eyes, wondering if he had already met one of them or if someone in this crowd could recognize him. But once again there was no recollection and he gave up, focusing his attention on the quay down below.

After having driven all night long from London, he knew he should grab a few hours' sleep, but he was too nervous for that, so he might as well take his chances. From where he was standing, near the carousel, he had an unimpeded view of Mermaid Quay and the door of the disused annexe of Cardiff's Tourist Office at its end. If Captain Jack Harkness exited from there, he couldn't miss him.

It was really a beautiful day and Jack was in a good mood. Since he had come back from London, the Rift had been quiet. No massive invasion, no spaceship in distress, no ancient entity trying to infest half of the sewers. Thinking of it, even the Weevils were as good as gold. With the exception of some flotsam and jetsam here and there, he was bored to death. Something he wouldn't complain about.

Leaving the usual takeaway, he decided to invite his team to the restaurant for lunch. His proposition was enthusiastically welcomed and less than ten minutes later, the four of them headed to the Plass, debating what kind of food they would eat. Gwen wanted Italian, Owen wanted Indian and Tosh wasn't hungry. Jack was about to suggest they compromise with Chinese, when his good mood suddenly evaporated at the sight of the tall figure moving towards them from the end of the quay.

Following Jack's gaze, Owen froze instantly, imitated by the two girls. He grabbed Jack's sleeve and pulled him towards him.

"Bloody hell! What's he doing here?" he muttered into his ear.

Jack freed himself from his grip.

"Go back to the Hub with the girls, Owen, and let me deal with it. Ok?" he ordered, his eyes still fixed on the man before him.

"What the fuck Harkness? " hissed Owen, forcing the older man to turn towards him

"Owen, _please_." Jack's tone was as sharp as a blade and the two men confronted each other for a few seconds, before the medic finally lowered his eyes and went back to the Tourist Office, mumbling between his teeth. Tosh followed close on his heels without a word, whereas Gwen stayed beside Jack and tried to have a word with him :

"Jack, how…"

Jack didn't let her go further and cut her off.

"Go on, Gwen. I'll be back in a minute."

She hesitated a second then let out a resigned sigh and hurried to catch up with the others.

Meanwhile, Ianto had approached and Jack noticed he didn't limp anymore. He was dressed all in black, with a leather jacket, jeans and a pair of heavy leather boots, the only touch of colour coming from his t-shirt which was adorned with red abstract motifs. And Jack had to admit he was breathtaking.

"Hello!" greeted the young Welshman with a wavering smile and Jack noticed that he looked more tired than the last time he had seen him and that there were dark rings under his blue eyes.

"Hi. Mister…" replied Jack with a frown, feigning not to remember his name.

"Jones. Ianto Jones."

"That's right."

Ianto glanced towards the rest of the team who was going away hastily.

"I hope I didn't make your friends flee," he asked.

"They're busy. As am I. What can I do for you, Mister Jones," answered Jack coolly, crossing his arms across his chest.

Ianto was slightly put out by Jack's unfriendly attitude, but tried his best to ignore it.

"Please, call me Ianto. When I hear 'Mister Jones' I think of my father and it makes me feel like I'm eighty."

"As you wish. So, Mister… Ianto? As I said I'm busy, so if you could make it quick."

Without waiting for an answer, Jack started to stride towards the Plass, forcing Ianto to fall into step with him as they were speaking.

"Well, you left so quickly, last time. I wanted to be sure you were fine."

"I am. Anything else? "

"I also wanted to thank you. I…"

Jack stopped and turned back so abruptly that Ianto almost crashed into him.

"You already did. Now, why don't you stop making me waste my time and go straight to the point. I don't think you stalk all the people you rescue across half of the country to be sure they're fine. Am I wrong?"

Ianto's smile faltered and, in spite of himself, he adverted his eyes. All of the sudden, his intuition didn't seem enough of a reason to bother a perfect stranger and he felt like an idiot.

Before he could provide a decent explanation, Jack pulled the rug from under his feet.

"And besides, how did you find me? Last time I checked I wasn't in the phone book."

"I… I got your name, so I did some research…"

"Some research? Really? And you found me like that?" asked Jack slightly amused, snapping his fingers.

"No, not exactly. I found no man named Harkness in the US Air Force for the last thirty years and the only American Captain Jack Harkness on record was an American volunteer from the Royal Air Force, who is presumed dead since 1941."

"Please, don't tell me I look so old," chuckled Jack, cracking a smile despite himself. "So? How did you get here?"

In spite of himself Ianto squirmed under Jack's scrutiny. This man has a way of looking at him that had a knack of making him feel uneasy. He took a deep breath and forced himself to look straight in Jack's eyes.

"I've a friend who works in a ministry and owed me."

Jack raised an eyebrow, but didn't say anything and Ianto carried on.

"I talked to him about you and he said I should check this place, without giving me further information. He sounded so certain that I thought I should at least try and…here I am."

Jack made a mental note to do some research about this too talkative state employee and thrust his hands into his pockets.

"Ok. So you've found me. As you can see I'm perfectly fine. I've been delighted to see you again, but here is where ours paths split. I wish you a good journey back to London. So goodbye."

With these words, he set off again towards the Plass.

For moment, Ianto stayed rooted to the spot, watching him go away. Once again, he was assaulted by a strange feeling of déjà-vu, as if it wasn't the first time he saw this great coat flapping in the wind. Pulling himself together, he ran after Jack and overtook him. Putting a hand onto his chest, he forced him to stop.

"Please. At least listen to me."

Jack looked down at Ianto's hand. Suddenly, he felt like Bill Murray in "The groundhog day", living the same day ever and ever. The same stubborn young man, in the same quay, again. Except this time, there was no mind-blowing coffee and he had to gather all his strength to refrain from kissing Ianto senseless.

He brushed the hand away with an exasperated sigh.

"Go on. And be quick."

Ianto took a deep breath and took the plunge.

"I don't know how to explain it, but there's something familiar about you. I know it looks crazy, but I was under the impression that… maybe... we might have met before. Maybe, here in Cardiff… four years ago. Were you already here?"

There was so much distress in Ianto's voice that it took all of Jack's will to look him straight in the eye and lie to him:

"No. We've never met before."

"Are you sure?" Ianto hesitated. "I mean you may have forgotten."

"Yes, I'm sure," maintained Jack firmly, lifting his chin defiantly. "Believe me, you aren't the kind of man I'd have forgotten."

They stared at each other for a moment, then Jack went on his way, the young man still tagging along after him.

"Why didn't you tell me you were from Cardiff?" insisted Ianto.

"You didn't ask me," replied Jack without turning around.

"I didn't have a chance to ask you anything. It was all about me. You asked me a lot of questions, but didn't tell me anything about you."

"I just tried to be polite and keep the ball rolling."

"If you say so. Why did you leave do fast?"

"I don't like hospitals."

"Me neither, but I don't run away from it like a thief."

Once again, Ianto overtook him and planted himself in front of him.

"Ok. If we had never met before, tell me why am I dreaming of you?"

Jack clenched his jaw. It was even worse than he expected.

"What can I say? I'm charismatic. Seriously, I don't know you. It's certainly just one of this PTSD stuff and it'll leave as it came. You've been a bit shaken and…"

"It had nothing to do with PTSD," shouted Ianto, flaring up. "You don't understand. I've never had dreams like these before. Never. Even after…"

_After what?_ wondered Jack. _Canary Wharf? The accident?_

However, Ianto didn't finish his sentence and ran his hand through his hair in frustration. His eyes wandered towards the sea as if he hoped to find there an answer there.

Jack decided it was time to put an end to this conversation. It led to nowhere and he needed peace and quiet to figure out what to do.

"What I understand is that you should get some rest. You look awful and your imagination is overacting. Go back home, Ianto. There is nothing for you here. I know it's hard for you, but you're fooling yourself and… "

Ianto clenched his fists.

"Don't pretend you know how I feel. You don't know anything," he said between his teeth, looking daggers at Jack.

Jack closed his eyes briefly and let out a sigh. _Oh, yes I know how it feels. I know it only too well._

"You're right," he said in a subdued tone. "I'm sorry. I can only imagine how it feels to lose two years of your life, but there is nothing I can do for you. I wish I could, but I can't… I'm really sorry."

Whereupon, he turned his back on Ianto and headed towards the water tower. Standing up in the middle of the Plass, arms dangling, the young man didn't follow him this time, but before Jack reached the pavement, he shouted out to him:

"Why isn't there any trace of you in the US Air force? What are you hiding Captain Harkness? You won't get rid of me so easily."

Jack did an about-turn and retraced his steps. He covered the short distance between them with long strides and pressed his index finger into Ianto's chest.

"This is none of your business, Mister Jones. Now, stop stalking me or I'll have to take measures."

"No! Really! Which kind?" challenged the Welshman, crossing his arms.

"Restraining order to start with, then other ones which, trust me, you won't enjoy. Let's get it straight: leave me alone, or I'll file a complaint for harassment and make sure you get kicked out of this town."

Ianto sniggered.

"I'd like to see that."

Jack shook his head with frustration He was aware that their fight was drawing attention to them and that some people were giving them wary looks.

"Why don't you return to London and go back to your pretty girlfriend. I'm sure she misses you," he said in a low voice.

Ianto gave him a puzzled look.

"Which girlfriend?"

Jack felt a surge of irritation. He didn't have time for such childishness.

"Oh, come on. The one who literally ate your face at the hospital. Don't tell me you don't remember."

"Jennie?"

"You see, you remember her name." He sounded more sarcastic than he intended to be, but he couldn't help feeling a bit jealous of the girl who shared Ianto's life now.

"Jennie isn't my girlfriend."

"One could be mistaken."

"That's true. She's just a friend. She was my flatmate when we were at the training centre."

"If all your friends snogged you…"

"Of course not. She's just a bit too enthusiastic sometimes. She…" He paused and shook his head. "I don't even know why I'm telling all this. I don't have to justify myself. I don't owe you anything."

"You're right," said Jack, so softly that Ianto barely heard him.

The sound of a siren rang out from a street nearby and he turned his head by reflex. When he turned back, Jack had already jumped on the invisible lift.

Swivelling round, Ianto scanned the Plass, but there wasn't any trace of the elusive Captain who had vanished into the air for the second time. He let out a stream of welsh curses and punch the air.

Once again, he had been had.

_To be continued_


	5. A so discreet hero

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special thanks to my beta reader welsh_scotsman for her unwavering support, to Jess729 for her help with the medical stuff and to all the readers who sent kudos, subscribe and comment.

As the invisible lift began its descent, three faces turned simultaneously towards him. Their expressions went from concern to disapproval and Jack felt a wave of weariness washing over him.

They were standing in the main area, Owen ahead, his arms crossed and frowning.

From where he was standing, Jack could see CCTV footage of the Plass still running on the screen of Owen's workstation. Although the video was on mute, he had no doubt they hadn't missed one single word of his argument with Ianto, thanks to Tosh's latest invention that allowed them to translate instantly lip movements on videos. Well, at least, it would spare him the trouble of having to relate the whole story to them.

Conspicuously ignoring them, he headed towards the workstation, his fists thrust into his pockets and a blank mask on his face.

Pressing a few keys, he flipped through the channels, until he found a camera directed towards where Ianto was sitting, puffing angrily on another cigarette whilst staring at the sea. Eyes locked on the screen and without bothering to turn around, he started to throw orders, in a cold and professional tone that he hoped would conceal his inner turmoil.

"Okay. Tosh, I want you to find everything you can about him, since he left Torchwood. Gwen, I want you to bug his mobile, his landline, any computer he could use at home and at work, his hotel room or wherever he's staying. I want to know how long he's been in Cardiff. If and or when he had planned to go back to London. I want also to know how he found me and if we had a security breach. In short: if he caught a cold, I want to hear him sneezing."

The silence that answered to him was deafening. Taking a deep breath, he turned slowly around and leant against the workstation with a heavy sigh, bracing himself to face the music.

As expected, it was Owen who opened fire.

"When did you intend to tell us?" the medic asked sternly.

Jack lifted his chin defiantly and frowned.

"Honestly? I didn't."

"Come on Jack. For God's sake," burst out Gwen. "How could you keep to yourself that you had met Ianto? You should have told us, as soon as you came back."

Jack shrugged noncommittally.

"There was nothing to say."

Gwen's eyes got wide. "Are you kidding?" Getting no answer, she took a deep breath and pressed her fingers into her temples.

"Jack, after the 456, I thought we had reached an agreement and there shouldn't be any secrets between us."

He nodded reluctantly and the young woman gave him an encouraging smile.

"Alright. So could you, at least, tell us, with simple words, what happened between the two of you in London? Because I have to admit that your little conversation was a bit… well, confusing for us."

Jack looked down at his feet and took a deep breath.

"There isn't much to say. I was on my way to the hotel, when I came across firemen trying to contain a fire in a building about to collapse. One of the firemen was trapped inside and I helped him to exit. We were both slightly injured and it was only once we were at the hospital that I realized this man was Ianto."

Owen raised an eyebrow. "A fireman?"

Jack snorted, "You look surprised."

"No offence, but I didn't actually see him as an action man."

"And you were wrong. Besides, you'll be happy to hear that, at first, he wanted to be a doctor."

Owen narrowed his eyes.

"How do you know?"

Jack fidgeted, uneasy and finally answered: "We…talked… a little, before I left."

"You _talked_? What need did you have to _talk_ to him?" barked Owen.

Jack cringed, his eyes still locked on the floor.

"I had to be sure he didn't remember anything… And he didn't."

Owen ran a hand in his hair with frustration ant started to pace furiously.

"Sure, and that's the reason why he's at our threshold now."

Jack tightened his jaws and sighed.

"He didn't show any sign of recollection. What was I supposed to do?"

Owen stopped pacing and glared at him.

"You could have started by keeping him under surveillance when you came back to Cardiff. And first of all, you should have told us, fucking hell!"

Jack rubbed his eyes wearily.

"Yes, I should have. Happy now?"

Owen sighed and shook his head.

"No, Jack," he said in a subdued tone. "I'll be happy when he is back in London, and I'm sure he doesn't remember anything about Jack Harkness, Torchwood and everything in touch with that bloody Rift."

Jack winced and Gwen pulled a face. Since the case with Max Tresilian and Suzy's second death, retcon had become a sensitive issue and they now only used it sparingly. Jack closed his eyes and clapped his hands together, resting the tip of his fingers against his forehead.

"I don't think we should worry ourselves. All he had are weird dreams and vague feelings of déjà-vu. Nothing tangible. It doesn't mean he's remembering."

Owen thrusted his hand into his jean pockets and slowly shook his head.

"Jack. I'd like to be as confident as you are, but he has already started to have flashbacks. Sooner or later, we're gonna have to retcon him anyway."

Jack sank into a chair and took his head in his hands. _Yeah. This way, he'll forget me. Once again. And once again, I'll remember._

"It doesn't need to be a huge dose," added the medic. "All we have to do is to erase the last two weeks, from the moment you ran into him. I know this isn't easy for you, Jack, but this is for Ianto's own good. We can afford to let him remember."

"I can do it, if it's easier for you," proposed Gwen, placing her hand on his shoulder in a comforting gesture.

Jack didn't answer and a thick silence fell between them, only disturbed by the soft humming of the computers. He knew that Owen was right and he was taking a huge risk. But a part of himself still hoped that maybe all of it wasn't due to chance, that maybe... maybe…

"I got him!" Tosh's voice bounced against the walls of the main area, startling them.

Jack jumped onto his feet and hurried to join her, Owen and Gwen on his heels.

"All you have always wanted to know about Ianto Jones, without daring to ask," announced Tosh proudly, leaning back into her seat and making room for them.

"What did you find?" asked Jack, leaning over her shoulder.

"Well, first of all… it appears that his current address is at Canary Wharf."

"This guy is nuts," snorted Owen behind her.

"Hey!" scolded Gwen, giving him a light slap behind the head.

"What's your problem Cooper?" retaliated the medic. "Honestly, you'd live near the place where Rhys would have been killed?"

"It's not as if he can remember that," she replied. "Maybe it's just a way for him to stay near her. Personally, I find it rather romantic."

Owen sniggered. "Romantic… Whatever."

"Stop it," cut off Jack sternly. He wasn't in a mood for bearing another of their usual arguments. "What else, Tosh?"

She lifted her glasses on her nose and typed on her keyboard. A series of forms and official documents appeared in the screen.

"Well, after he left Saint Helen's hospital, he worked for three months as a barista in a very select club called 'The Ambassador'. It seems to be a sort of private club frequented by diplomats and politicians. According to his personal file, he was very appreciated as employee and the letter of recommendation they gave to him was eulogistic."

Jack nodded but didn't make any comment. This explained the friend in a ministry.

"What did he do after that? »

"That's where it starts to become interesting. On December 2006, he applied for the London Fire Brigade, where he was accepted. After four months of professional fire fighter's training at the LFB's specialist training centre in Southwark, he was posted to a fire station in the Southern Division, where he served his one-year period of probation. Then, he passed national examinations before being promoted to Crew Commander."

"No kidding," said Gwen, nudging Owen with a mischievous smirk. "Seems that actually he's not only an 'action man', but also a 'leader of men'."

Jack heard Owen muttering under his breath, but didn't pay attention to it. Suddenly things became a lot clearer. The young bewildered fireman he had seen before entering the building in fire had never been the man in charge; it was Ianto. And from what he had seen at the hospital, he wasn't only a leader, he was also appreciated by the men under his command.

Skimming through Ianto's eulogistic service records on the screen, he absently heard Gwen rolling her seat to her workstation and starting to type on her keyboard.

"Wow! Seems he was also a hero," she suddenly exclaimed.

"Sorry?" said Jack, dragging himself away from his reading.

She turned towards him and pointed at her screen.

"I found a short article about him in the Times, dating back to one and half years ago. It says he was decorated with the Queen's Gallantry Medal."

"I thought QGM was only awarded for exemplary acts of bravery," asked Owen, looking sceptical.

"It is," replied Tosh, dryly enough to make him cringe. "Why?"

"Nothing. I was just wondering... That's all," stammered Owen, holding his hands in a defensive gesture.

She scowled at him, then adjusted her glasses on her nose once again and resumed her researches.

More than anyone else, the young Japanese woman knew the courage Ianto was able to show when needed. Though, at the end, it was Jack who had saved them all from the cannibals, Ianto was the one who had risked his life to give her a chance to escape. She would never forget that and her worst regret would always be that she had never had a chance to thank him properly.

Gwen cleared her throat and moved on.

"According to the article, he was decorated for having rescued at risk to his own life, an illegal immigrant and her two children trapped in a warehouse in fire."

She opened a new window and the whole article showed up, illustrated by the photograph featuring Ianto wearing his ceremonial uniform and receiving his decoration. Jack approached in order to have a look at it and couldn't help noticing that the young man seemed a bit stiff and pale and wondered why he looked almost… sad.

Tosh's voice interrupted his musings.

"I've got the official report about the incident." As he came back to her, she started to give him an abridged version of the report.

"Apparently his team had a shout about a disused warehouse in flame. It was supposed to be abandoned and the building was already partially destroyed when they arrived on the premises, so they decided to contend with containing the fire and preventing it from spreading to the adjacent warehouses. But one of the firemen heard cries coming from the building. In fact, the warehouse was used as an illegal workshop. The owner had been informed of an imminent raid of the police and found it more practical to erase all proof by the fire, immigrants include."

Gwen winced and Owen shook his head with dismay. Jack remained stoic. He was too used to human's turpitude to react anymore.

"Ianto and four other men hurried inside the warehouse, but most of the victims were trapped in the basement and it was too late for them. They died suffocated by the toxic smoke. The whole place going up rapidly, the firemen were about to evacuate, when they heard a call for help from a sort of mezzanine above them. Ianto retraced his steps and found a woman and her two young children hidden in a technical room. It says he dragged them towards an emergency exit nearby and pushed them into the fire escape just before the floor collapsed… Oh no…"

Tosh looked up at Jack with wide eyes. His face was ashen and for a second, she thought he was about to be sick.

"What?" asked in chorus Owen and Gwen, who couldn't read what was on the screen from where they were standing.

As Jack didn't answer them, Tosh turned around and said grimly: "He didn't manage to escape before the floor collapsed under him. There aren't many details. All it says is that he was transported by helicopter to the nearest burns unit."

Owen stifled a curse and Gwen lifted her hand to her mouth.

"Can you get the medical report?" asked Jack with a hoarse voice.

"Of course. Give me one minute," answered Tosh, her fingers resuming their typing, as she was making her way through the healthcare system network.

"Here we are," she said as she broke through the last password protecting Ianto's medical file and opened it.

"Let me see."

Owen gently pushed her aside and started to flip through the medical reports, grunting and muttering under his breath.

"So?" asked Jack after a moment.

Owen leant back, took off his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"In short, he ended up with two broken ankles and third degree burns on about 15% of his body, mostly on his upper back and right shoulder and arm, needing a series of skin grafts. Oh, and he had also a couple of broken ribs into the bargain."

Jack sighed and closed his eyes.

' _I've never had dreams like these before. Never. Even after…'_

Even after, he nearly died in this warehouse. Even after, he spent months in a bed of pain. No need to wonder why he hadn't swallowed his story about PTSD. A sprained ankle could hardly be compared to what he had gone through.

"But he's fine, now isn't he?" asked Tosh with concern.

Owen nodded.

"Yep, except for the scars caused by the burns and grafts. According to the file, he got clearance after six months of intensive rehabilitation and convalescence. Which, by the way, is very short, given the severity of his injuries, but could be explained by…" He put his glasses and peered at the notes of Ianto's therapist, "I'm quoting…'the remarkable fighting spirit and exceptional responsiveness of the patient'."

Jack felt his heart swelling with pride.

He might be immortal, but Ianto finally seemed to be unbreakable. Falling again and again and every time, standing up, stronger than he was.

Gwen's computer emitted a 'bip', informing them that Ianto was making a call with his mobile. Almost immediately, a voice with a thick cockney accent rose in the air:

_"Sherman."_

_"Hi, Mike. It's Ianto."_

_"Hey! How're you, man?"_

Ianto chuckled.

_"Fine, fine. And you? You get to survive without me?"_

_"It's hard, but we manage. And you? How is your pilgrimage to Cardiff? Did you find the guy you were looking for?"_

_"Yeah, I found him."_

_"And?_

_"Seems it leads nowhere."_ He paused for a second. _"I don't know. It's... weird. Two days ago, I'd have sworn I knew this man, but now... I'm not sure of anything."_

_"I'm sorry. What are you going to do, now?"_

Ianto sighed.

_"Given that he must take me for a madman and that he made it very clear that he no longer wanted to hear from me... Well, I think I may as well go home."_

_"Are you sure? You still have one week of vacation to take."_

_"Yep. I... I think I'll take the opportunity to visit my sister and the kids this afternoon and then I'll take the road again."_

_"As you wish. See you tomorrow, then."_

_"Yes. Bye, Mike."_

_"Bye."_

There was so much defeat and deception in Ianto's voice that Jack had to force himself not to rush out and tell him he wasn't crazy at all and there was nothing in the world that he wished more than to have him back in his life and his team. But he knew it was impossible. Ianto had a new life now and he had to go back to it.

"I guess it makes things easier," Jack whispered finally.

"Jack..." started Owen.

"No, Owen. I won't retcon him, unless it becomes absolutely necessary."

Owen opened his mouth to argue, but eventually changed his mind and merely nodded.

With one last glance at the CCTV footage of Ianto leaving the Plass, Jack turned on his heel and headed to his office.

"Keep an eye on him."

"Jack! Where are you going?" called out Gwen.

He stopped at the threshold of his office and gave her a weary look over his shoulder.

"Nowhere, Gwen. I'm going nowhere."

Then he slowly closed the door behind him.

Once alone in his office, he sank down his chair with a heavy sighed and absently switched on the CCTV from the main area, where his team had gathered around Tosh's workstation.

He didn't mean to spy on them, but they're his only family and he had already seen them die once, killed one by one by the Master. So, since he had come back from his disastrous trip with the Doctor, it had become a habit for him to keep an eye on them, whenever he could. Just to be sure they were safe.

"What are we doing now?" he heard Gwen ask.

Owen shrugged, leant against the desk and crossed his ankles.

"Wait and see what will happen, I suppose."

Tosh cleared her throat.

"Hmm. It's absolutely irrelevant… but, I've found something else about Ianto."

"What else?" grunted Owen, rolling his eyes with fake annoyance. "Don't tell me he's also a secret agent from MI6 and has saved the Queen's life from a terrorist attack."

Tosh shook her head and smirked mischievously, whilst Jack leant over, intrigued.

"Not that I know. But… according to his insurance agent, he's also the happy owner of a Ducati Multistrada 1200 S Sport."

Owen raised an eyebrow. "No kidding?"

"Wow. That's quite a monster," marvelled Gwen. "Rhys' friend, Scott, treated himself to one for his 40's birthday and offered me a ride. Believe me, it was mind-blowing".

Tosh nodded and winked at her.

"You can say it again. Look at that."

A video popped up on Tosh's screen. At the same time, Jack hit a key of his computer and his screen split in two, allowing him to watch it directly.

He had barely time to read the title, _My friend Ianto testing his new sextoy!_ , before it started. However, he only needed few seconds for being reassured about its contents, when the face of a man appeared, which he recognized as being Ianto's colleague, Mike Sherman. The fireman waved at the camera with a grin, before panning and showing bleachers and a race circuit. The lens stopped on a group of men and women settled in the bleachers, who waved in turn at the camera.

Jack looked at the date on the bottom of the screen and found that it had been made only few weeks ago.

Mike turned the lens towards himself once again :

_"Ok, guys. So, here we are. Freezing our ass off too early in the morning, because my friend, Ianto, has a new toy and wants to find out what's in its guts. "_

He burst out laughing and glanced over his shoulder, before adding in confidence:

_"I shouldn't say it out loud, because he's also my boss, but I persist in thinking he'd rather be digging up a girlfriend for himself."_

The camera turned once again towards the circuit. As Mike went slowly downstairs and headed to the starting line, Ianto finally appeared in the screen and Jack's breath caught in his throat.

Looking so hot definitively shouldn't be allowed.

Wearing a black Kevlar® overall, the young man was straddling a huge and gleaming black motorbike. His forearms resting on the helmet put between his thighs, he was staring intensely at the asphalt ribbon stretching in front of him, all his being radiating earnestness and concentration. Obviously already engulfed in his forthcoming race, he didn't react at his friend's arrival.

Jack glanced at his co-workers on the other side of the screen and couldn't help chuckle, when he saw them gaping like goldfishes. Honestly, he couldn't blame them for that. The confident man standing before their eyes at that moment couldn't be further from the shy young man they had known a few years earlier.

_"Hey Boss!"_ shouted Mike.

Ianto snapped out of his reflection and turned towards him. His face broke into a bright smile and he lifted his hand to greet him.

In spite of himself, Jack couldn't help feeling a bit jealous and found himself wondering what kind of relationship was between the two of them. After all, Ianto had denied having a girlfriend, but what about a boyfriend?

Immediately, he pushed those thoughts away. Who was he to be jealous? He wasn't a part of Ianto's life anymore. Never had been. Shaking his head, he brought his attention back on the screen where a man wearing a boiler suit had approached Ianto. The young man put his helmet and made one last waving, before starting the engine and making it roaring. At the signal, the motorbike dashed out, leaving a trail of smoke behind it.

Jack watched with amazement how Ianto rode his machine, negotiating each curve with control, accelerating all the way into the straights. His heart skipped a bit when the motorbike suddenly swerved into a hairpin bend and Ianto was forced to decelerate to regain control, before reaccelerating more than ever.

It shouldn't have surprised him, though. Whatever he undertook, Ianto seemed always eager to achieve excellence and determined to give himself the means for it. Following the camera's movements, Jack made an effort to silence the little voice in his head, which was whispering what an asset such a driver would be to his team.

As Ianto's finally crossed the arrival in a deafening roaring, the camera focused briefly on the display panel over the finish line, proudly announcing in luminous letters: "Record of the Year: 4' 38 '52.". An explosion of joyful shouts saturated the loudspeakers and Jack couldn't repress a faint smile. Mike's camera followed the young man as he made an abrupt U-turn and came back to his friends who were going down the bleachers to congratulate him and celebrate his victory. The video froze on an image of Ianto taking off his helmet and yelling his joy, a bright smile on his face.

Jack felt a stab of pain in his chest.

_This_ was what Ianto's life should be: filled with a reasonable amount of thrill and danger, surrounded by friends. _This_ was what Ianto needed, what he deserved. And the only way for Jack to provide it to him was to let him go, once again.

With a sigh, he switched off the CCTV, leant back into his chair and closed his eyes.

_To be continued_


	6. The proposal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short interlude dedicated to Tosh and Owen's fans, before moving on to serious things regarding Jack and Ianto. After the nightmare that was the previous chapter, writing this one was a piece of cake. Special thanks to my beta reader welsh_Scotsman and to my lovely readers.

_Cardiff, the same day, later on the afternoon_

Hearing a soft knock on his office door, Jack raised his eyes from the paperwork he was working at clearing away his desk for the last two hours, mainly in a vain attempt to dispel the memory of Ianto's smile in the video.

"Come in."

Seeing Owen and Tosh slipping into the room one after the other, he threw his pen onto his desk and leant back into his seat with an weary sigh, ready to face up to a new salvo of good sense and advices. He was just surprised that they were the ones who had taken the job. He would have rather seen Gwen playing the role of Gemini Cricket and trying to convince him to retcon Ianto before he came back to London. Then he remembered that Gwen had asked him to leave early this afternoon in order to get to any family celebration, a birthday, if he remembered well.

"We need to talk," tackled Owen, without preamble.

Jack felt a surge of aggravation rising and immediately lifted a hand to stop him.

"Alright, Owen. I had my share of talking for today. Thanks. Don't worry: I got the message. The incident is solved. Ianto will go back to his life and we'll do likewise and keep an eye on him, just in case. So if you don't mind…"

He took his pen back, making them known that the conversation was over.

"It's not about Ianto," replied Owen, before taking a deep breath, as Tosh hung back and chewed her lower lip nervously. "It's about us."

Jack felt the tension flew back and a large smile spread on his face. _Here we are._ He chuckled, at the sight of their puzzled faces. Having pity on them, he made the first move.

"By _us_ , I suppose you mean Tosh and you are having an affair. You're a little late, Owen. It's been over a month since I knew it and I think Gwen has heavy suspicions too. Besides, it wasn't as if you were really discrete. So, if there's nothing else..."

"Tosh is pregnant," came out Owen bluntly, taking Tosh's hand on his and squeezing it tightly.

Jack put down his pen once again and crossed his fingers on his paperwork, an unreadable expression on his face.

" _This_ , on the other hand, is rather unexpected. And this happy event is scheduled for..."

"Approximately six months."

Jack was silent for a moment, before adding with a sigh:

"Well I guess I should call Martha and ask her to come as soon as she can."

"Why?" protested Owen immediately. "I can handle that. I treated Gwen when she was pregnant, and I don't remember any complaints."

Jack smiled mischievously.

"Yes, but unless I'm mistaken, I don't think you were Gwen's baby's father, were you?"

Owen rolled his eyes.

"Of course, not."

"And isn't there something in your code of ethics of you doctors, that prohibits you from treating your own family?"

Owen grunted noncommittally and Jack's smile widened.

"So, we agree that we need to appeal to another doctor. Moreover, I think Martha's our best choice. She's very capable, accredited by UNIT and Tosh and she already know each other." He paused and glanced at her. "If it's ok with you, of course."

The young woman nodded: "Fine for me."

Jack leant back into his chair.

"Alright. So I'll call her at the crack of dawn tomorrow." He paused and mused for a second. "We should perhaps consider the idea of a crèche. That would give a new meaning to the expression "engaged at the cradle", don't you think?"

He took another file on his desk and flipped through it distractedly, before adding:

"Speaking of that, we'll also need to make some recruitment in order to make up for your unavailability. Tosh would you be nice enough to draw up for me a list of the most promising graduates of the year from the Faculty of Medicine. Someone with medical knowledge could be useful."

"What? Are you intending to fire me?" shouted Owen

Jack lifted his chin and frowned.

"Of course not. But, honestly, you don't really think we're going to continue to work with only four people, when Tosh is pregnant and once she gives birth?"

"Why not? Gwen had Anwen and you didn't hire anyone."

"Exact. And do you know why? Because Rhys is a real mother hen who can work at distance and stay at home whilst his wife's hunting aliens across the city. Stop me if I'm wrong, but I do not think you can afford to do that."

Owen groaned and cocked his head, but he had to admit that Jack was right. Without being actually part of the team, Rhys had proved to be very useful and available any time they had needed his help.

"I'm glad that you finally share my point of view. Don't worry, Owen. You'll get a say in the recruitment."

He flashed them a quick smile.

"By the way, congratulations. I'm very happy for you," he added, before returning to his paperwork.

As his two subordinates didn't move, he looked up and raised his eyebrows.

"Anything else?"

"No. It's just that…" Owen squirmed. "We didn't expect you to be so… enthusiastic."

"Why?" asked Jack, vaguely offended.

Tosh cleared her throat.

"Well… When you picked me up in UNIT's prison, you made it very clear that I had to work for at least five years for Torchwood, before the charges against me were definitely dropped, and -"

"And?" Jack gave her a bewildered look.

"The five years aren't over," finished Owen lamely.

Jack blanched and his hand holding the pen gripped it so tightly that his knuckles were white, but he tried his best to keep his voice low and steady.

"I also think I said that any contact with your family was forbidden. But I don't think I've ever prevented you from seeing them."

Tosh lowered her eyes self-consciously.

"I know and I'm very grateful to you, it's just that..."

Jack brutally pushed back his chair, stood up and went to stand in front of the ancient circular window overlooking the main area. His voice was full of restrained anger and hurt.

"For about a century I was _forced_ to work for Torchwood and to do things I didn't want to, because _I_ was threatened to be thrown in jail for the rest of my life, if I didn't do it."

He paused and stared at the water tower through the window, hands crossed behind his back.

"I only said it to you because there were unfriendly ears listening, and I wanted to get you out of there. I had _never_ intended to keep you on a leash. You're free to leave whenever you want. No retcon, no reprisals, no return to jail. Of course, that goes for both of you. "

"We don't intend to leave," Owen assured him immediately, feeling slightly ashamed for having doubted his boss.

"I'm glad to hear it," said Jack without turning around.

Eager to escape the awkwardness of the situation, Owen hastily retreated towards the exit, taking Tosh along with him.

"Well, it's getting late. I think we're gonna let you work, now. We took up too much of your time."

"Yeah. See you tomorrow then."

"Have… a good night, Jack." Tosh wished him hesitantly.

"Tosh…"

She stopped with her hand on the door's handle.

"Yes?"

He had turned around and stared at her, arms crossed on his chest.

"I…It's just… I really hope you didn't stay with us only because you thought you had to."

She retraced her steps and came back to him. Rising herself on tiptoes, she planted a kiss on his cheek.

"No, Jack. I didn't," she said with a soft smile, that Jack immediately returned to her.

She patted his forearm, then left the room and caught up with Owen.

TW TW TW TW TW

"Don't you think that, maybe, we're making a mistake?" she asked once they were back into the main area.

Owen, who was busy stuffing his things into his rucksack, froze on the spot.

"You... You have doubts?" he asked grimly.

Tosh gave him a puzzled look.

"What?"

He ran a hand though his hair and diverted his eyes.

"I mean, about us and the baby..."

"No! Of course, not," she hastened to say, wrapping her arms around his neck to kiss him.

He couldn't help letting out a sigh of relief and hugged her back tightly.

"I was talking about Ianto. Maybe we should… I don't know. I can't help thinking that we should have handled it differently."

"And how do you want to handle it? Everything we could do has been done."

"But he looked so sad. Maybe we should tell him only a part of the truth to give him something to hold on."

"And which part do you want to tell him? How his girlfriend was in fact half-converted by the cyber men? How he tried to treat her and resorted to hims shagging his boss in order to divert his attention? Or maybe how we finished her off, after she killed two innocent people?"

She pulled a face.

"Of course, if you put it that way."

Owen sighed and tightened his hold.

"Tosh, I know you mean well, but it's too dangerous for him to remember. Besides knowing the truth wouldn't bring Jack and him together, on the contrary. He didn't forgive Jack for killing Lisa and there's no more reason why he should forgive him by now."

"I know. It's just that… Jack didn't cope well the last time, so..."

"Didn't cope well?" Owen couldn't help snorting. "He didn't cope at all. Scouring all the back alleys of the town and shagging every ass within reach isn't what I call a way to cope."

She tilted her head and glared at him.

"How do you… Owen! I can believe that you stalked him!"

"What? Didn't want to have to scrub his brain from his office's wall once again. Having to do it after Jasmine's case was enough..."

It took him half of a second to realize what he had just said, as Tosh's eyes got wider.

"You _knew_!"

She shoved him away.

"Tosh, I can explain…" he started, but she didn't listen to him and cut him off, pointing an accusative finger towards him.

"All this time, you knew and you didn't tell me anything!"

She started to paced furiously and suddenly turned around, hands on her hips.

"It means that when you shoot him before we opened the rift, you knew Jack was immortal, didn't you!"

Owen ran a hand through his hair and shook his head.

"Obviously, I knew. For God's sake, Tosh. I'm a doctor. I treat people, I don't kill them in cold blood."

She rolled her eyes and let out a sigh of exasperation, before shaking her head and resuming her pacing.

"I can't believe it! First Gwen, then you. And none of you even considered it could be relevant to tell me about it."

Owen put a hand onto his chest and lifted the other towards Jack's office, raising his voice for the first time.

"Bloody hell! I couldn't! Jack didn't want me to tell someone and, besides, I didn't even know about Gwen, before she told us after Abaddon."

He grabbed her by the shoulders and gently forced her to stop and to look at him.

"Love, I'm a doctor and Jack is my patient. A very uncanny patient I agree, but a patient nevertheless. I had no right to broadcast his… state, if he didn't want me to. And, believe me, he didn't. I'm sorry if I hurt you, because I didn't intend to. But, it wasn't my secret and I had to keep it for myself and respect Jack privacy. Besides, I don't think that, at that time, Ianto knew Jack's condition either, so you don't have to take it personally."

He pulled her against his chest and wrapped his arms around her waist. As she didn't try to escape his embrace, he rested his cheek against her forehead.

They stayed silent for a moment, until Tosh lifted a corner of her mouth into a smirk and finally spoke.

"Well, I supposed things were very different between us at that time, so I shouldn't feel offended that you kept it from me. At least, if it proves something, it's that you're good at keeping others' secrets." She paused and her expression went to the one of a cat about to crunch a little bird. "Better that at keeping your own secrets, anyway."

Owen frowned. "What do you mean?"

"Well, I was thinking that, now that we've talked to Jack, you might as well go and get the ring that you're hiding in the trunk of your car for two weeks. If, of course, this is for me."

Owen's jaw almost hit on the floor.

"What? How…"

Tosh smiled at him mischievously and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"I found the receipt from the jeweller in your trousers' pocket and…" She kissed him lightly on the lips. "…I only assumed you were waiting for the good moment to offer it to me and, maybe, ask me a certain question." She planted another kiss onto his lip and her smile widened. "Was I right?"

"Yes, yes…of course, "stammered Owen completely taken aback. "It's just that I wasn't sure of what your answer would be and…"

She shook her head and gave him a fond smile.

"And how do you intend to be sure of it, if you never ask me, idiot?"

A bright smile slowly spread on Owen's face and he lifted his index finger in front of her face.

"I… I… One minute. Just give me one minute."

Freeing himself from her embrace, he dashed towards the underground car park, whilst she perched herself on her desk and crossed her ankles. Before he reached the lift, he turned around and shouted through the main area.

"Whatever you do, please, don't move, ok?"

She shook her head and laughed.

"I won't go anywhere, I swear."

And indeed, she hadn't move an inch when Owen came back from the car park, five minutes later, out of breath and his heart pounding like a drum. Planting himself in front of her, he sank to one knee, presenting her with a red velvet box, which he pushed open to reveal a sparkling sapphire and diamonds ring. He tried to gulp down the lump in his throat, but his voice was still rough when he told to her:

"Toshiko Sato, I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Do you want…" He had to clear his throat, unable to carry on at the sight of the tears rolling down her cheeks. "Do you want to marry me and spend the rest of your life with me?"

By way of answer, she threw herself into his arms and kissed him fiercely, almost knocking him over. After a long minute, Owen finally managed to extricated himself and couldn't help asking, just to be sure :

"Is that a yes?"

"Definitively a 'yes', Doctor Harper," answered Tosh, wiping her tears away before kissing him once again, this time more tenderly, but with just as much passion.

TW TW TW TW TW

Jack couldn't help smiling and feeling his heart swelling with love at the sight of the two fiancés lost in their kiss.

He hadn't miss a second of the scene and was really glad they had finally found each other for good. Both of them deserved to be happy and all he could regret was that it took them so long to admit their feelings.

Sadly, on the other hand their happiness only made his own loneliness more distressing. Gwen had Rhys and Anwen. Owen and Tosh had each other and would soon become parents too. It was nice, but what did it left to him? An endless life of loneliness, without anyone at his side?

His musing was interrupted by an alert signal coming from his computer. He moved away from the window and looked at the screen. The signal was coming from a distant part of Bute Park and the data seemed to indicate a lonely Weewil out enjoying himself.

Giving up the idea of disturbing the bliss of the two lovers below him, he grabbed the SUV's key on his desk and his coat from the coat stand.

A good rise of adrenaline couldn't hurt and, perhaps, afterwards, he could go to the _Neon Club_ and find some pleasant company with whom spending the rest of the night.

When the SUV left the car park with a screech of wheels few minutes later, Jack was still too lost in his thoughts to realize he was tailed.

_To be continued_


	7. Moonlight in Bute Park

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A thousand thanks to the lovely badly_knitted who agreed to become my beta at short notice. You are my saviour. Also thanks to everyone who sent kudos, subscribed ans bookmarked this fic.

_Cardiff, the same day, early evening_

Jack parked as close as possible to the latest coordinates of his target and checked that no one was in the vicinity. The last thing he needed was to come across a horny couple of teenagers making out in the woods or an old lady walking her dog right in the middle of a Weevil hunt.

After having retrieved his standard equipment from the SUV's boot, he once again checked the coordinates on the screen of his wrist-strap. His target hadn't moved a lot since he had left the Hub and he started to jog in its direction.

It took him only a few minutes to reach the place, a small clearing, away from the path and surrounded by birches and oaks. He slowed his pace at the sight of a stooped figure, standing perfectly still in the middle of the clearing. He had been right, it was a Weevil.

As he approached, he saw the creature smelling the air, groaning and slowly turning its ugly muzzle towards him. Jack stopped only few feet from the beast and spread his arms with a large smile on his lips.

"Hi, boy, or girl, or whatever you are," he greeted it.

The creature sniffed once again and let out a low growl. Jack sighed and shook his head.

"Ok, mate. You know what? Today has been a really _really_ shitty day for me. So, why couldn't we do it nicely?"

The Weevil growled louder, curling its chops and showing his sharp teeth. Out of the corner of his eye, Jack caught the glimpse of a movement on his right, accompanied by a similar growl. Keeping an eye on the alien in front of him, he shifted minutely, whilst a second Weevil came to stand beside the first one and his hand went instinctively for the Webley holstered at his side.

Certainly due to the influence the Doctor had had on him, Jack always tried his best to capture his targets alive, whilst minimizing the risks to the population as much as possible. Capturing only one Weevil was something he was used to and that he could almost do with his eyes shut, only using a stun gun and a spray canister. Dealing with two individuals, clearly hostile, was another matter and as much as he didn't like it, required him to consider a more radical method.

That was exactly the kind of situation where Owen and his magic Weevil hissing would be useful.

He sighed and unbuckled the strap of his holster. He was only putting his hand on the butt of the gun, when a foul smell coming from behind him, assaulted his nostrils. Before he could do anything, it was too late. A violent shove made him lose his balance. Just before he touched the ground, he managed somehow to roll over himself and landed in a crouching position, one knee on the grass. Fumbling to grab his weapon whilst turning around to face his new attacker, Jack realized with dismay that the Webley had fallen from his holster and was lying a few feet away, just between the feet of the biggest Weevil he had ever seen.

Before he had time to react and grab his stun gun, the huge beast, a big male, Jack assumed, fell on him with a roar, claws out. In a split second, Jack found himself pinned against the trunk of a tree and gasped as the bark painfully cut his scalp. He grabbed the forearms of the Weevil and struggled to loosen the vicious grip of the monster, which was trying, at the same time, to sink his sharp fangs into his throat.

Gathering all his strength, Jack tried to give him a knee in the groin, but the beast dodged and tightened the grip of his clawed hands around his neck even more.

Failing to outweigh the strength of his assailant, Jack shoved a shaking hand into the pocket of his coat and tried to reach the spray that was there. Unfortunately, his numb fingers were refusing to obey him and, in spite of all his efforts, the canister remained unreachable .

Through the blur due to the lack of oxygen, he saw the two other Weevils, likely females, moving slowly towards them and he redoubled his efforts to reach his weapon. Being shredded by a bunch of Weevils wasn't exactly his idea of how to spend a pleasant evening.

Suddenly, through the noise of the blood pounding in his ears, he thought he heard the sound of an engine in the background and a wave of hope washed over him. Maybe, if their attention was diverted for a moment, he could have a chance.

As his strength abandoned him and he was on the verge of passing out, he had a glimpse of a huge black motorbike, reared up on its back wheel and springing from a copse, just in front of the two Weevils. The driver made a controlled skid that sent a spray of soil and stones onto the creatures, who retreated with an angry growl, whilst the motorbike started to make circles around them in order to keep them at bay.

The male uttered an angry roar. Turning to his companions, he suddenly grabbed the lapels of Jack's coat and literally lifted him from the ground before throwing him towards his new assailant.

Helplessly flapping arms in the air and greedily sucking a breath of oxygen, Jack landed heavily on the grass, only a few feet from the other two weevils and almost under the wheels of the motorbike, forcing the driver to swerve to avoid him. The machine slipped on the wet grass and landed on its side, taking its driver along with it.

Coughing violently and shaking his head to try to clear his vision, Jack hastened to stand upright, as fast as his unsteady legs allowed him and hopefully before the Weevils could go back to the attack. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw his companion in misfortune jump to his feet and undo the buckle of his helmet. The face he discovered wasn't really a surprise, but he'd have preferred if it had been someone else.

_Oh, Ianto. What are you doing here, for God sake? This isn't your fight. Why can't you stay safe in London?_

One of the females launched herself towards the young Welshman, aiming for his throat, but before she reached her goal, he hit her muzzle with his helmet, sending her backward next to her companion.

"Nice shot," Jack managed to say despite his sore throat, a surge of pride washing over him.

Ianto glared at him with a shrug. He was about to respond when the second female launched another attack. Ianto threw his helmet at her, but the creature ducked it at the last second. Nevertheless, it was enough to make her retreat.

"Fucking hell," muttered Ianto, as he joined the Captain in two strides. "What are those things?"

Jack shook his head and sighed.

"Too long to explain. Let's just say that they're very unfriendly."

"No, really?"

It was Jack's turn to shrug. Instinctively, the two men positioned themselves back-to-back, to leave no opening to the enemy. They were surrounded by the grunting beasts and there wasn't any escape in sight.

"Okay," Jack said in a more serious tone, whilst detaching the stun gun on his belt. "I'll take the big one and you take the other two."

"What?" Ianto exclaimed, looking at him over his shoulder with wide eyes. "Are you kidding?"

"You'd prefer to deal with 'big daddy', instead?" Jack asked, grabbing Ianto's hand and clapping the item into it.

The young man glanced at the huge grimacing monster and pulled a face. Jack couldn't help chuckling.

"That's what I thought."

"And you?"

"Talent and improvisation," said the immortal with a wink, finally extracting his Weevil spray from his pocket.

Before Ianto could make a move to stop him, Jack darted headlong towards the Weevil in a run-up worthy of a rugby player and launched all his weight at the abdomen of the beast, knocking him back. The two of them landed on the ground with a heavy thud. Without allowing time for his adversary to recover, Jack gave it a hefty dose of spray right in its ugly face and clambered off him, reaching out for his gun still on the grass.

Unfortunately, the Weevil was faster at recovering than he had excepted and before he could grab his Webley, the beast was once again at him. Managing somehow to turn over on his back before the monster crashed onto him, Jack found himself pinned to the ground and struggling to keep the creature's fangs away from his throat.

Seeing it, Ianto's first reaction was to go and try to help Jack, but before he could try to do something, a sudden blow to his back sent him stumbling and reminded him he had his own problems to deal with. One of _his_ Weevils pounced on him with a roar and shoved him backward.

Fighting to keep his balance, he kicked out with one leg and his heavy boot collided right with the chest of the creature. As the second female dashed in his direction, he suddenly remembered the stun-gun still in his hand, aimed it at the monster the moment she reached him, and pressed the trigger. A small flash of blue light escaped from the barrel and the Weevil shuddered before going limp on the ground with a silent cry.

At that sight, the other one froze on the spot and immediately beat a retreat towards the trees, groaning and hissing angrily. For a second, Ianto considered the idea of pursuing her, but dropped the idea as he heard the harsh sounds of wrestling coming from behind him.

He turned his head to watch Jack and the alien creature fighting on the ground. One of Jack's hands was pushing the muzzle of the monster away from his neck, whilst the second one was hidden between them.

Ianto took a step in their direction in order to help Jack, when a detonation resounded through the night and startled him. The huge beast lying on top of Jack suddenly stopped thrashing and went limp. Grunting and puffing, Jack undertook with great difficulty to roll him to the side and free himself from his weight.

"Thanks for the assist," he said with a large smile as he got awkwardly to his feet, his smoking gun still in hand.

Ianto nodded and was about to return the smile when his eyes caught sight of a strange reflection on Jack's trousers and his features flattened. Following the young man's gaze, Jack lowered his eyes and winced.

_Shit._

His trousers were drenched with blood. His own blood. Somewhere during the fight and without being aware of it, the Weevil had succeeded in planting his claws into his leg, deep enough to reach the femoral artery and cause massive bleeding. Jack felt his legs buckle under him and he collapsed to his knees onto the wet grass.

In a second, Ianto was at his side, instantaneously taking the measure of the damage and firmly pressing his hand onto the wound at Jack's crotch to try to stop the haemorrhage. Through the haze of his mind, Jack couldn't help feeling a very inappropriate jolt of electricity go through his lower body at the touch of Ianto's hand on him.

_You're really hopeless, Harkness_ , he scolded himself.

"Don't move. Don't move," urged Ianto, promptly extracting his mobile from his pocket and starting to dial for rescue.

Jack's bloody hand grasped his wrist in a vice grip.

"Don't…" His voice was barely a murmur, but full of determination. Ianto tried to free his arm.

"Captain, please. You need help." He knew it was probably too late, but he couldn't bring himself to let this poor guy die without trying everything to save him. He cast a quick glance at the pool of blood that was spreading quickly under Jack's body and that the damp ground had trouble absorbing. Of the seven to eight litres of blood that a man of his stature could hold, he had already lost much.

Jack shook his head stubbornly.

"Don't… Please, don't call anyone, ok?" he panted, his voice becoming husky from exhaustion. "Trust me."

"Jack, I have to…"

Jack's grip on his wrist tightened.

"Please. Just… Promise me to wait... No matter how long."

It was Ianto's turn to shake his head.

"Wait for what?"

"Please…" There was so much distress in his blue eyes that it was heartbreaking.

"Ok," Ianto sighed, and Jack nodded with relief.

"Thanks. Trust me… Wait… You'll see…"

"See what?" asked Ianto once again, but Jack was no longer able to reply.

Taking Jack's hand into his, Ianto lifted his head onto his lap and gently pushed a strand of hair away from his damp forehead. At least the man wouldn't die alone.

A few seconds later, Jack's chest ceased to rise and fall and Ianto closed his eyes. For the first time in a long time, he prayed, for Jack's soul to rest in peace.

TW TW TW TW TW

Ianto did as he had been told. He waited.

For almost twenty long minutes, in a creepy clearing only lit by the moonlight, covered in blood and all alone with an unconscious non-human creature and two corpses at his side, he waited patiently.

He didn't have a clue as to why he had agreed to it. If he was honest, he couldn't explain half of the things he had done, since the moment he had met the mysterious Captain Harkness, two weeks ago. He had reached the point where he began to wonder if he hadn't crossed a sort of invisible border, and was now in a kind of fourth dimension where no logic remained anymore. He used to be a rational man. And none of what happened to him was rational nor natural.

The fight in the park with those creatures, for example. It should have been scary, even terrifying. Instead of which, he had found it... thrilling. To his amazement, the mere presence of the Captain at his side had been enough to do away with any trace of fear and make him feel calm and detached. As if he had done it all his life.

Jack Harkness. This man was quite a piece of work.

Despite Jack's denials on the dock, Ianto was still convinced that this man was the key to his missing past.

He was like nothing Ianto had ever seen before and the way he made him feel was like nothing he had ever experienced. Cocky, irritating, but also charismatic and intriguing. He seemed to be as slippery as an eel and as dangerous as a cobra. And yet, something told him that he could trust him, that he should trust him.

Ianto sighed and opened his mobile for the hundredth time before finally putting it back into his pocket.

_Wait. But wait for what, damnit?_

He looked around him and shook his head with dismay.

_God. If someone ever comes right now, I'll surely spend the rest of my life in prison for murder. There's no way I could explain all this mess._

He looked at the face of the dead man laid on his lap and gently rubbed his thumb along his temple. Jack looked like he was sleeping and his beautiful features were utterly peaceful.

Ianto cringed inwardly. God, had he just thought that Jack Harkness was beautiful? It sounded so weird. And yet...

Ianto frowned. He had never felt attracted to men. At least, not that he remembered. Not that the idea was repulsive or disturbing. Some of his friends were gay and like most people, he had already been led to question his sexual orientation. But, in the end, it had always seemed that he was only attracted to women.

_No_ , he thought after some reflection. _It's not about men. It's just... him_.

Lost in thoughts, he missed the slight fluttering of Jack's eyelids, announcing his upcoming return to the world of the living.

When Jack suddenly arched under the effect of a violent convulsion and he gasped like a drowning man, Ianto's heart skipped a beat and he couldn't suppress a cry. He immediately pushed the older man away and jumped to his feet, rushing to put as much distance as possible between himself and the aberration he had under his eyes.

Rolling over, Jack clambered painfully to his feet and turned to face him with an outstretched hand, as if to calm a panicked animal.

"Don't freak out," he said with a hoarse voice, as he was trying to keep his balance on his shaking legs.

"Don't freak out?" stuttered Ianto with disbelief, his eyes as wide as plates.

"I can explain…" started Jack, but Ianto didn't let him carry on.

"Don't freak out!" he shouted, taking a step back, as Jack was moving forward. "Fuck! You were _dead_!"

Jack dropped his hand and sighed. It was time to change tactics. The poor boy was obviously not ready to hear the truth. Better to opt for a less traumatic middle way.

"I wasn't," claimed Jack calmly.

Ianto looked daggers at him and scowled, a cold anger taking precedence over the fright.

"Stop taking me for a fool. It's been long enough."

"It's not what…"

Ianto cut him off.

"I'm paid to know if people are dead or not. You. Were. Dead."

Jack waited a second then nodded slowly.

"Ok, you're right. I was."

Ianto shook his head with disbelief and looked around him, almost expecting to see a TV crew emerge from a bush and tell him that he had been caught by a hidden camera.

"You… What the hell are you? Lazarus' little brother?"

Jack sighed.

"It's complicated."

Ianto cocked an eyebrow.

"No, really."

Jack rubbed a weary hand over his face and tried to clear his head. Death by exsanguination was a plague. It always left him weak and dizzy and took him longer to recover. Breathing deeply, he tried to gather his thoughts. He needed to give Ianto the most clear and concise explanation, or he would never see the end of it.

"Ok. There was a time I was like everyone else, then something happened and I died. A friend of mine, well, she meant well. She tried to bring me back to life and… Let's just say that she overacted a little and instead of just bringing me back to life, she brought me back forever."

"Are you telling me you're immortal?" asked Ianto sceptically.

"Not exactly. I die, but the fact is I don't stay dead."

Ianto made another step backward and leant against a trunk, carding his fingers through his hair.

"God, it's official. I'm going insane."

Jack lowered his eyes and tried to find the right words.

"Ianto, listen. I know I owe you a lot of explanation, but I don't think this is the best place nor the best moment to do it." He paused and nodded at the unconscious Weevil between them and her dead companion. "Is there somewhere where we could talk after I take care of these two?"

Ianto lifted his head and nodded.

"My hotel room? I haven't given the key back yet."

"Fine, fine. So do me a favour. Go back to your hotel and wait for me. I'll get there as soon as I've put our friends somewhere safe."

Ianto couldn't help snorting, not the least bit convinced.

"I swear," assured Jack.

Ianto chuckled and shifted his long frame off the tree. He felt too worn out and numb to fight.

"Ok. But you'd better keep your word," he sighed, bending to pick up his discarded helmet.

He walked slowly towards his motorbike lying on its side and began to put it upright. Jack followed him and gave him a hand.

"Can I ask you something?"

Ianto shrugged.

"You can try."

"What are you doing here? I mean, you were supposed to go back to London."

Ianto was about to ask him how he had heard of his intentions, but decided it was far from the weirdest thing of the evening and dropped it. He took a deep breath and absently scratched the soil that stained the body of his motorbike.

"I was coming back from my sister's. She lives nearby. I was returning to my hotel to get my stuff, before going back to London. I don't know ... I suppose I must have been lost in my thoughts…Anyway, I didn't really pay attention to the speed limits. At least until a police car signalled for me to pull over."

He paused and looked up at Jack who gazed at him expectantly. Clearing his throat and absently rubbing his shoulder where the Weevil had hit him, the young Welshman went on.

"When the first cop got out of the car, I knew I was done. He came to me and asked me if I knew how fast I was driving. I admitted I hadn't a clue. He was already fining me, when another cop got out of the car and told him to drop it."

"What did he look like?" Jack wanted to know.

"Almost my height, blond hair, blue eyes. I read the name on his badge. Davidson."

Jack tightened his jaws. _Davidson, of course_. The PC knew that Ianto had worked for Torchwood and had just assumed that it was still the case.

"It was really weird. He seemed to expect me to understand why he did it and he even apologized, saying he hadn't recognized me without my suit. Damn. I never wear a suit. Never, not even for funerals. But this man knew me, I could have sworn."

"Is that why you turned around?"

"Yes and no. Rather something he mumbled to his colleague before getting into his car."

"What was it?" asked Jack, though he had some idea.

"'Bloody Torchwood.' He said it as if it was a private joke between them. How… How did he knew that I had worked in the Torchwood Tower?"

Jack took a moment before answering. It was time to put the cards on the table.

"Because you were a part of it. Torchwood wasn't just an office building. It's an organisation. A secret organisation."

Ianto gaped at him.

"What kind of organisation? Like the CIA, MI6 ?"

Jack shook his head and smirked.

"More than that. Compared to us, those guys are nothing more than some boy-scouts. We're outside the government and beyond the police."

"Wh... what are you doing exactly? Those creatures, they're not an isolated case, are they? Are they aliens?"

Jack's smile widened. _Ianto, always so clever and perspicacious_.

"No and yes. It can sound clichéd, but we're not alone. There are plenty of things like them all around us and it's our job to make sure that nobody notices. We deal with them and the technology they leave behind, in order to arm the human race for the future. The twenty-first century is when everything changes, and you've got to be ready."

Ianto stared at him and Jack wondered if it had finally triggered something.

"Does it remind you of something?"

"No. Nothing specific. It's always the same. Just a vague feeling of déjà vu. Like these... things. "

"Weevils. They're called Weevils. Does it sound familiar to you?"

Ianto pondered for a second, then shook his head sadly. Jack frowned, puzzled. Having crossed the path of a Weevil should have broken the effects of retcon, even if Ianto had received a massive dose. It had needed less than that for Gwen to regain her memories. Moreover, Ianto had an eidetic memory that should have made him even more resistant to the effects of the drug.

Momentarily pushing his worries aside, Jack glanced at the unconscious alien on the ground. Taking care of it became more and more urgent.

"Why is it that I don't remember?" asked Ianto bluntly. "What happened to me?"

Jack decided to stick with blunt honesty.

"I wiped your memory."

Ianto stopped scratching the mud from his motorbike and stared at Jack, his face a mask of shock and pain.

"What! Why?"

"Because…You asked me to." Jack stalled and tried to find a good way to tell the truth, but Ianto cut the ground from under his feet.

"I did something. That's it? Something wrong. What did I do? Tell me," he pleaded.

Jack pressed his lips together. _You tried to save the love of your life, endangered the world and finally got two people killed._

He took a deep breath. _Too bad for the honesty._

"You did nothing wrong. There was just a moment where enough was enough and you decided you could take no more and wanted to leave." He sighed. "Ianto, I know you need answers, but…"

Ianto lifted his hand and shook his head wearily.

"I know, I know. Time and place." He straddled his motorbike and donned his helmet. He raised the visor and started the engine.

"Hotel of the Shore. Room 217. I'm counting on you."

"Thanks," nodded Jack.

A few seconds later, he watched the taillights disappear into the night, then returned to the centre of the clearing to deal with the two abandoned bodies.

He shook his head as he lifted the deadweight of one of them up and into the back of the SUV. Damn, what would he do now?

_To be continued_


	8. We need Scotch, a load of Scotch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special thanks to my precious beta reader badly_knitted. Here comes the time for a little tête-à-tête between Ianto and Jack, and why not a little heart-to-heart too. Hope you like it. Thank you for reading

_Cardiff, the same day, late at night_

Jack stared at the door of the hotel room and hesitated. It was past midnight and two and a half hours since Ianto and he had parted in the park.

He could still turn back and send Gwen later. After all, she was the one who had offered to deal with it. Yes, of course, he could do that, but it would be cowardice and although Jack was undoubtedly a lot of things, he definitely wasn't a coward. He took a deep breath and knocked on the door.

At first, nobody answered and for a second, he hoped that Ianto had changed his mind and had finally decided to return to London. He was about to turn back when he heard a thud, followed by an oath then the muffled voice of Ianto coming from inside.

"I'm coming. I'm coming."

He sighed and lowered his head. There was no escape now.

_Brace yourself and face the music, Harkness._

He heard hurried footsteps behind the door, just before it swung open. As he looked up, his jaw hit the floor and he gaped in a perfect imitation of a goldfish at the sight before him.

One hand on the doorknob, Ianto held a towel in the other one, with which he was wiping his face and neck. He had obviously been interrupted as he was taking a shower and had only bothered to pull on trousers before opening the door.

As he stared at the young Welshman, only dressed in a pair of half fastened jeans, his wet skin glistening under the harsh light of the corridor, the only word that came to Jack's mind was "hot" and the rest of his brain went out the proverbial window.

Mesmerized, he couldn't help but let his eyes roam across the so familiar territory that he knew was now out of his reach. Travelling along the well defined muscles of his broad chest, from the fine tendons of his neck to the taut skin of his stomach, he allowed himself, for a brief moment, to recall the feel of the pale skin under his fingers and its taste on his lips.

It was only when his eyes reached the curve of Ianto's collarbone for the second time, that he suddenly noticed the scars. Some white and smooth, the others looking like a woven pattern, where the doctors had performed transplants, they covered the majority of his shoulder and upper arm. From where he stood, he couldn't see the condition of Ianto's back, but he had no trouble imagining it and his heart sank.

Realizing the direction of his gaze, Ianto self-consciously threw the towel over his damaged shoulder.

"Hi," said the young man, trying to hide his discomfort.

Jack snapped out of his reverie and swallowed the lump in his throat.

"Hi. I know I'm late…"

Ianto tilted his head.

"I have to admit that I didn't expect you anymore."

"Yeah, of course. I'm sorry. It took me longer than I thought." Jack raised his hand and showed Ianto the bottle of Scotch he was holding. "I stopped along the way. I thought a little boost would be welcome."

"For sure." A faint smile lit up Ianto's face and he stepped aside to let Jack in.

He shut the door behind him and headed for the bathroom.

"Make yourself at home. I'll be back in a second."

Jack turned his head and nodded.

"Yeah. Thanks."

Hovering at the threshold, he took a quick glance around him. Like the rest of the hotel, the room was clean and simply furnished. Nothing fancy, just the basics, enough to be comfortable and welcoming. A large bed occupied most of the room, flanked by two nightstands attached to the wall, a lithograph of the port of Cardiff at night hanging on the wall above it. Opposite the bed, a small wooden desk and a cream-coloured armchair, stuck in the corner near the window, completed the furniture. Thick curtains, matched with the fabric of the armchair and bedspread, reflected the dim light of the bedside lamps and created a soft and cosy atmosphere.

 _An atmosphere conducive to confidences and confessions. That couldn't be more appropriate_ , thought Jack.

A sound coming from the bathroom made him turn his head and through the door ajar, he saw Ianto, bent over the sink.

The Welshman looked up and their eyes met in the mirror. For an awkward moment, they stared at each other, until Ianto closed the door with a sweep of his foot.

Jack sighed and slumped in the armchair, not bothering to remove his coat. He put the bottle of Scotch on the desk nearby and waited.

When Ianto finally came out of the bathroom, he was still barefoot, but he had slipped on one of his usual long-sleeved t-shirts, this time adorned with the logo of a rock festival. He was holding two plastic cups, which were meant, normally, to be used as tooth glasses. He handed one to Jack with an apologetic smile.

"Sorry, but this is all I can find."

Jack returned the smile and unscrewed the cap.

"I've had worse," he said, as he poured the amber liquid into the makeshift glasses.

Ianto nodded slightly, took his and perched himself on the edge of the bed, one leg folded under himself. He took a sip, before asking with a chuckle :

"So, where do we start?"

Jack merely stared at his glass without looking at him and for a moment Ianto thought he hadn't heard him. But, finally Jack took a deep breath and sighed, before turning towards him with a deadly serious look on his face.

"Ianto, I haven't been completely honest with you, earlier in the park."

The young man felt his stomach churning and gulped down half of his glass, letting the welcome warmth of the alcohol spread along his throat.

"About what?"

"When you asked me if you had done something to deserve having your memory wiped."

"Oh..." Ianto's face fell. It was exactly what he had dreaded. "I… I did ?"

"Yes, you did."

The pained look on Ianto's face was heartbreaking and Jack averted his eyes, staring once again at his glass before continuing.

"You didn't mean to do any harm, but… Well let's just say that the road to Hell is paved with good intentions. It ate you up until you couldn't stand it anymore and asked me to free you from it."

He glanced at the young Welshman, who was gulping the rest of his glass.

"I don't want to make you feel guilty, but it won't be pleasant and I need to be sure that you understand where you stand. You can still turn back. I can... I can wipe the last hours, so you could go back to your life in London." He paused and sighed, "Ianto, I have to ask you. Are you really ready to hear the truth, no matter how ugly it is?"

A thick silence fell between them. After a moment, Ianto slowly unfolded his leg and stood up. Taking the bottle from Jack's hand without a word, he brought it back with him to the bed and poured himself another drink.

"I'm ready. I want to know," he finally said.

Jack bit his lower lip.

"No second thoughts?"

Ianto's eyes met his, steady and determined, in spite of the apprehension Jack could perceive.

"No second thoughts."

Jack leant backward and huffed.

"Ok. So, let's start at the beginning with a little lesson in history." He closed his eyes and started to speak slowly, weighing each word like a teacher. "Torchwood was established in 1879 by Queen Victoria in order to defend Earth against supernatural and extraterrestrial threats…"

TW TW TW TW TW

Three hours later, there was nothing left to say and Jack hadn't moved an inch; his glass of Scotch, now lukewarm, was still intact in his hand.

In front of him, slumped against the pillows and still clutching the neck of the empty bottle of Scotch, Ianto had finally passed out, defeated by the combined effects of the alcohol and all the emotions that had overwhelmed him, whilst Jack unwound the thread of the two missing years of his life.

Almost half of the bottle had been drained whilst he heard the truth about Lisa. This had been probably the most painful moment, but Jack had been determined to remain completely honest and upfront with him. Without dwelling on the sordid details, he hadn't however hidden anything about the events which had led to what he persisted in considering as Lisa's deliverance, though it had caused Annie and Professor Tanizaki's deaths.

He had prepared himself to be the target of the same anger and accusations as on that fateful night, but against all odds, Ianto had remained remarkably calm and collected. With the exception of the silent tears that had quickly flooded his cheeks and the huge number of drinks he had downed in no time, he had allowed nothing of his torment to show.

He had even managed to ask questions about the team and how they had dealt with the aftermath. But when Jack had spoken about his suspension and the episode with the cannibals, he had simply nodded and Jack had started to wonder if he was still aware of what he was telling him.

Nevertheless, he had carried on and given him the outline of what had happened after his departure.

It had only been when Jack had broached the subject of the 456 that Ianto's interest had seemed to awaken again and he had slightly straightened up from the bed.

"My sister, Rhi..." He had cleared his throat and rubbed his eyes. "Before the soldiers came to take the children, she told me she had had a phone call from a man she didn't know who warned her and told her to hide the kids... It was you, wasn't it?"

Jack had nodded.

"Why? I mean you don't even know them."

Jack had shrugged. "You told me once about your nephew and niece and how much you loved them. I just thought it was the least I could do."

He hadn't elaborated. Ianto hadn't asked further questions and a few minutes later his eyes had closed from exhaustion. It wasn't so bad. Anyway, everything had been said.

The only thing he had kept to himself was their _relationship_ and there wasn't much to say. Ianto didn't need to know that he had whored himself in order to protect Lisa, in vain.

Jack put his glass down on the desk and stood up with a sigh. He felt his vertebrae protesting against his motion and stretched slowly to relieve them. He went to the bed, took the bottle from Ianto's hands, screwed the cap on and put it in the bin under the desk. Afterwards, he gently took the young man by the shoulders and shifted him to settle him more comfortably.

"That's better," he said, once Ianto was completely sprawled across the bed. "We can't let you sleep seated, Mister Jones."

Ianto let out a vague grunt, but didn't wake up and Jack stood up with a smile. Even after all those years, Ianto still looked like a kid when he was asleep.

Jack collected his cup and went to the bathroom to empty it in the sink, then he disposed of the two cups in the trash with the empty bottle.

Once the clean up was done, he took a sheet of paper bearing the letterhead of the hotel from the desk and quickly scrawled a note. He folded it in half and stuck it under the phone on the bedside table, then he called reception and ordered a wake up call for nine o'clock.

For a moment, he just enjoyed the sight of Ianto peacefully asleep, then, after one last glance around him, he headed for the door.

As he put his hand on the doorknob, he sensed a movement behind him and turned around.

With a moan, Ianto arched from the bed and rolled on his side to face him.

"You can have what you want, you know," he slurred as he raised himself on an elbow. His blue eyes were dark and feverish, burning with promises which, Jack knew, wouldn't stand the dawn.

Jack briefly closed his eyes and breathed deeply. God, he wanted him so much that it hurt. It could have been so easy to give up and just take what was offered. But he had already taken this path and he knew it only led to more suffering.

If by some miracle he still had a chance with Ianto, it wouldn't be this way.

Steeling himself, he slowly came back and crouched beside the bed.

"Ianto, you're drunk. I don't know what you mean."

Ianto let out a joyless laugh. Grabbing the lapels of Jack's coat, he hauled himself from the bed and stared hard at him, his face barely an inch from Jack's, his hot breath ghosting over Jack's lips.

"Oh yes, you do. And it doesn't matter, anyway, because I won't remember."

Jack closed his eyes and took Ianto's face in his hands. Pressing their foreheads together, he revelled in the sensation of Ianto's warm skin against his, then his hands went down to cover the young man's fists and he gently loosened their grip, whilst moving away.

"It does. And you'll remember. Maybe not everything, given all the alcohol you gulped down. But you will."

Ianto gave him a puzzled look as Jack regretfully stood up.

"Wh... Why?".

Jack wasn't sure if the question was about the fact that he hadn't retconned him or that he was turning him down. Anyway, it didn't really matter, because the answer was the same in both cases.

"I can't. I just can't."

He slowly stepped backward and leant against the door, as far as he could from Ianto.

They stared at each other without a word for a moment, until exhaustion closed Ianto's eyelids once again. Jack stood still for a few minutes, fighting back the tears burning his eyes, then he silently left the room and disappeared into the night.

_To be continued_


	9. Hangover

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special thanks to my precious beta reader badly_knitted. Given the circumstances, I decided to split this chapter in two parts. Not a terrific chapter, I'm afraid, but I hope you like it. Thank you to everyone who sent kudos, subscribed and bookmarked.

_The next day, early morning_

Ianto jerked awake at the sound of the phone ringing and struggled to open his eyes as the sun streamed through the half closed curtains.

With a growl, he buried his face into the pillow and fumbled to reach the receiver of the phone. The sweet voice of the receptionist came through loud enough to pierce his eardrums. Stifling a yawn, he carded his fingers through his hair and rubbed his scalp, whilst she informed him that it was nine o'clock and he had apparently requested a wake-up call.

He thanked her in a thick voice, hung up and painfully rolled onto his back. The pounding in his head briefly intensified and he let out a grunt of pain, shielding his sore eyes in the crook of his elbow.

He tried to clear his throat and swallowed hard, but all trace of saliva seemed to have deserted his mouth leaving it as raspy as sandpaper. For a brief moment, he indulged himself by wallowing in the fog induced by the worst hangover he'd had for years, ignoring where he was and why a jackhammer was currently drilling holes in his skull.

But the blissful ignorance didn't last. Soon, through the haze of his mind, the events of the previous night started to fall into place like the pieces of a puzzle as random memories flooded his mind. His encounter with the two cops and his decision to stay in town. The fight with the creatures in the park and Jack dying then resurrecting in his arms. Jack, again, at the threshold of his room, staring at him with his piercing blue eyes, then nursing his Scotch in the armchair, whilst he filled in the events of Ianto's two missing years.

In the harsh light of day, it seemed so crazy and hardly believable. Although the lingering pain spreading through his shoulder blade was there to remind him that none of it was a dream. He had dreamt neither the fight nor Jack's resurrection. He had been there and had seen it. He knew if he dug in his gripsack, he would find a plastic bag containing a pair of jeans and a t-shirt stained with Jack's blood.

This was for real. Yet, though Ianto _knew_ it, he still didn't _feel_ it and that was what really bothered him.

He took a deep breath and sighed, pushing away the urge to light his first cigarette of the day. His sore throat wouldn't welcome the burn of smoke right now.

He knew he should have felt sad and angry. It was how normal people would have reacted. He should have been distraught, now that he knew the truth about Lisa's death. He should have felt guilty, knowing he was also responsible for the deaths of two other people. Maybe, also grateful and relieved, because he had finally got the answers he had searched for so long for. The gaps in his timeline had been filled and at least he could take comfort in the fact that he had tried his best to save Lisa's life.

In spite of all the alcohol he had downed, he had heard every one of Jack's words and understood what they meant, but in the end, that's all they were: some words, told by someone else, about a man he didn't recognize. None of his memories had come back. There was still a black hole in his mind and at the moment, he felt neither sad nor angry, just numb and confused.

At first, he had put it down to the fact he was drunk, but the effects of alcohol were gone before long and nothing had changed. He had also considered that he could be in shock, but then again, he had experienced shock in the past and knew it was a completely different sensation. It wasn't that he refused to admit the truth. He just felt strangely detached, as if it had happened to someone else.

Ianto pinched the bridge of his nose, took a deep breath and tried once again to clear his throat for want of clearing his head.

Keeping his eyes closed, he tried once again to picture himself carrying Lisa out of the ruins of the Torchwood Tower or luring a dinosaur in a warehouse with a bar of chocolate, but in vain. For whatever reason, his memories stayed deeply buried and refused to resurface, in spite of all his efforts.

Maybe it was just a defense mechanism of his mind to delay the shock of the revelations

and, after a while, reality would come down on him like the proverbial ton of bricks.

Which led to another question: would he be able to deal with it? Jack had told him he had been so distraught at the time, he had tried to kill himself. Would it be different this time? Would he be strong enough to cope with the sorrow and the guilt? Surely, he was a different man by now, but would it be enough?

_What a mess!_

He let out a low growl and rolled onto his side, his arms firmly hugging his pillow.

Moreover, aside from the obvious lack of reaction of his brain, the other thing that bothered him was that he couldn't help thinking that something was still missing. Not that he thought that Jack had lied to him. His instinct told him otherwise and it had never failed him. It was something else, as if Jack hadn't told him all the truth and skipped over something really important. Something Ianto knew he shouldn't have forgotten.

Once again, he undertook to review what Jack had told him, until he had literally tucked him in, before lea…ving.

_Oh God!_

Jumping into an upright position, which he instantly regretted, he gasped. His eyes snapped open and widened with horror, as he suddenly remembered how he had thrown himself at Jack and how the older man had gently, but firmly turned him down.

He lay back down with a moan of despair and took his head into his hands.

_Shit, shit, shit, shit._

He felt his cheeks instantly flush with embarrassment. What had possessed him to do such a thing? Certainly, his love life was rather empty at the moment, but yet, that was no excuse to behave like the last of the rent boys.

Pulling his hair, he let out a whimper and contemplated the idea of burying himself under the covers and never coming out again. It was so humiliating.

After a moment though, he dropped his arms and stared at the ceiling with a frown.

_Come on, Jones! Suck it up and be a man._

At least the older man hadn't seemed angry or upset by his appalling attempt at seduction. Furthermore, given the way he had looked at him at the door, Ianto wouldn't really be surprised to hear that he swung both ways, so maybe… After all, he hadn't said he didn't want him, only that he couldn't. But why? Because he wasn't interested or because he thought that Ianto was too drunk to understand what he was doing? Was there something else? Another ugly secret hidden in the depths of his shattered memory?

 _Stop it!_ He scolded himself. _Thinking like that'll get you nowhere._

Ianto rubbed his face and sighed once again.

First of all, he had to call Mike and tell him he wouldn't be coming back right away, then he would have to try to contact Jack and find out what he was supposed to do now.

He rolled over and reached out to take his mobile from the nightstand. As he did so, he felt an unexpected rustling beneath his fingers. He raised himself on an elbow and retrieved Jack's folded note from under the phone. Rubbing his sore eyes, he squinted to read the few lines neatly scribed on the paper:

_Meet me at 10.00 am at Café Ambrosio, near the Millenium Centre. Jack._

He turned the sheet of paper to see if there was anything else, but that was all.

Taking a look at the screen of his mobile, Ianto realized with dismay he had less than forty minutes to freshen up and pack before joining the Captain, and yet, only if he skipped breakfast.

Jumping to his feet, he hurried towards the bathroom, hoping that a cold shower would clear his mind and help him to work out how to handle his upcoming meeting with the dashing leader of Torchwood.

_To be continued_


	10. The choice's hour

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As ever special thanks to my precious beta reader badly_knitted, for her support and good advices. Once again, I had to split the chapter in two, so, sorry, but the explanation about Ianto's amnesia will have to wait until the next chapter.

Jack had a good reason to choose _Café Ambrosio_ for their meeting. Though Ianto surely didn't remember it, the place used to be one of the young man's favourite spots when he had started to work for Torchwood Three and it was also his exclusive supplier of the team's coffees, until he managed to convince Jack to invest in an ultramodern Italian coffee maker.

The price of the device nearly amounted to the cost of a car, but Jack had been forced to admit that in Ianto's hands, it had revealed itself to be more than worthwhile and that the nectar it produced was beyond comparison.

Sadly, after the Welshman's departure, the precious machine had finally ended up abandoned on a corner of the kitchen's counter. In spite of their best efforts, none of them had been able to make it work properly or to generate anything other than an abominable sock juice or a thick mixture, only good to serve as tar.

Reluctantly, the team had gone back to _Café Ambrosio_ for a while, but it didn't have the same charm. Although delicious, their coffee wasn't as good as Ianto's. Unable to reach such a level of perfection and in order to have at least one good reason to complain, they had finally resolved to fall back on the awful instant which Gwen kept in reserve in her drawer. The beverage itself was clearly disgusting, but the level of caffeine was ok and was all that mattered.

When Ianto pulled up in front of the coffee shop _,_ Jack was already there. He had arrived earlier, before the place started to fill up with customers and had sat at a table in the background, where he had a clear view of the street without being seen from the outside.

After he had left Ianto's hotel room the night before, his first intention had been to visit one of his usual dens of vice and try to drown his painful loneliness in alcohol and meaningless sex, but it had only taken him ten minutes inside the _Neon Club_ to realize that like _Café Ambrosio_ 's coffee couldn't compete with Ianto's, nothing the club had to offer was enough to give him the oblivion he was looking for.

Unable to go back to the Hub and his cold and lonely bunker, he had finally decided to spend the rest of the night standing on one of his favourite rooftops, musing about the events of the night and what action to take, weighing the pros and the cons and basically torturing himself even more, until the sun eventually expelled the darkness and found him with more questions than answers.

Being so close to his former lover, both physically and emotionally had shaken him more than he had expected and he wasn't sure that he wouldn't have preferred shouting and anger instead of his strange acceptance. At least it would have left no room for hope, because this tiny spark of hope was actually what hurt the most. He could have taken the hate and the rejection. He had done it once and could do it again. He was used to being hated and rejected. At least it would have been loud and clear, like a bullet to the heart.

Instead of that he was now trapped between his selfish desire to have Ianto back in his life, if not as lover at least as a friend, and his determination to protect the young man and thereby himself by keeping the Welshman as far away from him as possible.

Maybe, with any luck Ianto would have made up his mind and decided that he didn't want anything to do with him and his past, and he would go back to London to resume his current life.

Maybe the page could finally be turned. Not without pain, of course, but then maybe Jack would finally find some peace. Because, even if Ianto didn't clearly remember the events, it was absolutely ridiculous to hope that he might still want him, knowing Jack had ordered and perpetrated the execution of the woman he loved and whom he had put so much effort into trying to save.

After all, Ianto couldn't have been clearer about this than during Gwen's silly game, when he had said that the last person he had kissed was Lisa and thereby denied everything that had happened between them. Only his advanced state of intoxication combined with the shock of the revelations could explain his strange behaviour the night before. It was the only rational explanation because otherwise it would mean that maybe... maybe…

_No. I won't take that path. No way._

Snapping out of his musings, Jack watched Ianto as he gracefully got off his motorbike and took off his helmet, squinting at the brightness of the sun before donning his sunglasses.

As he walked slowly towards the coffee shop, Jack didn't wait for the young man to join him and motioned to one of the waitresses to order two more cups of their special Ethiopian blend.

Ianto lingered at the entrance for a brief moment, scanning the area in search of Jack, before a slight smile lightened his face when he spotted the leader of Torchwood sitting in the back of the room, motioning him to join his table.

A pang of jealousy hit Jack as he noticed the amount of appreciative looks the young man collected from a lot of customers, both female and male whilst he swayed between the tables to join him. Moulded in his biker outfit, unshaven and dishevelled, he was simply breathtaking.

_Breathtaking but out of reach_ , Jack reminded himself.

"Hey," Jack greeted him with a grin.

Ianto lifted his hand and returned the smile sheepishly, before slipping onto the opposite seat.

"Hey."

He took off his sunglasses and put them on the table. Jack noticed that his eyes were slightly puffy and red-rimmed, but other than that, he was relieved to see that he seemed to be fine. The fact that he had come to the meeting and was willing to talk to him was already more than Jack had expected and he was grateful for that.

"How is the head?" asked Jack, not knowing how to start the conversation.

Ianto merely shrugged.

"Still sore, but it's getting better. I stopped to buy some Paracetamol on my way."

Jack nodded.

"Good, good. Did you…" He cleared his throat. "Did you get some of your memories back?"

Ianto shook his head with a sigh, fiddling nervously with his sunglasses and unable to look Jack in the eyes.

"No. Nothing."

"Okay."

"Are you sure?" Ianto couldn't help but ask.

Jack looked at him quizzically.

"Sure of what?"

"That it's okay. I mean… Shouldn't it have at least triggered something? Last night, you said that Gwen… That's her name, right? Broke through retcon just by writing some words on a book. I mean… After last night and the fight in the park, I should…"

"Yeah, yeah. I know. But each person is different. I don't think that you should be worrying about it."

_And I don't think it's such a bad thing that you didn't remember. Some things are better left buried,_ Jack told himself.

Yet, seeing the troubled expression on Ianto's features, he added:

"Listen. I think I have an idea of what's going on, but I need to check with Owen first. Just to be sure. Okay? I promise I'll try to figure it out as soon as possible, so I can give you answers…" He put his hand on his heart. "Scout's honour."

Ianto nodded with a faint smile and at the same time, the waitress came back with their coffees.

"I took the liberty of ordering for you. I hope you don't mind."

Ianto took a sip of the hot and dark beverage and let out a moan of pleasure.

"Wow. That's really good."

Jack smiled.

"It used to be your favourite blend, when you were with us."

"I've been here before?"

"Very often, actually."

"I don't remember."

Ianto shook his head, before taking another sip.

"It's creepy, you know."

"What?"

"I know almost nothing about you and yet you seem to know everything about me. Even things that I don't know myself. Sometimes, I feel like I'm…"

He stopped just in time before the word 'naked' slipped out of his mouth. So far, Jack hadn't made any comment on his slip-up from the night before and seemed to be keen to forget it, so no need to remind him.

"What?" insisted Jack.

"Nothing. Forget it," mumbled Ianto, burying his nose in his cup.

Aware of Ianto's sudden discomfort, Jack decided not to push further and they sat in an awkward silence for a while, until Ianto finally spoke again.

"Well, I suppose this is the moment where I ask the fateful question: what do we do now?"

"It depends."

"On what?"

"On what you want to do now."

Ianto looked at him with disbelief. He wasn't prepared for Jack to give him the choice. Amongst all the scenarios he had constructed since he had woken up this morning, it was really the only one that had never crossed his mind.

"Seriously?"

"Never been more serious, Ianto. What do you want to do?"

Ianto took a moment to gather his thoughts before answering with a slightly unsteady voice.

"Well, I know it must seem crazy and maybe also rather presumptuous given the circumstances, but..."

"Come on, Ianto. Tell me," pressed Jack.

The young man cleared his throat.

"I want to be with you again."

Jack's heart skipped a beat, but he managed somehow to keep his expression blank. Misunderstanding his stony face, Ianto hastened to add:

"I mean, I want to work for you again."

Jack dropped his eyes to his cup of coffee to hide his disappointment and sighed.

"Are you really sure?"

"I..."

"What I want to say is that you have a life in London, now. A good life. Something you can be proud of. You said it yourself when we were at the hospital. You have a good job and good friends. If you come back, you take the risk of everything you worked so hard for over the last four years."

Ianto stayed silent for a moment as he tried to put his thoughts in order and find a way to express what was in his heart, without rambling like an idiot. He didn't know where he'd go with that, but even if Jack finally refused to grant his request, it was essential for him to make him understand how he felt and the reasons for his choice.

When he spoke again, it was with a calm and steady voice, weighing each word carefully.

"For the last four years, since I woke up at Saint Helen's after my so-called "accident", I haven't spent a single day without feeling like a puzzle with a missing piece. Do you have any idea how that feels? Do you know how frustrating it can be to know, here, in your guts that your life, as perfect as it seems to be, is only a parody of what it should be? To feel a hollow in your chest that nothing can fill, no matter how hard you try?"

Jack slowly nodded. He remembered only too well the bitter sweet feeling that had followed his return after the Year. He should have been mad with joy to be back. He had his life back and his team was safe. What more could he have asked for? And yet, he hadn't been able to get rid of the empty feeling that had overwhelmed him from the moment the Tardis had slowly vanished into thin air.

Ianto stared at him, searching for a sign that he was understood, then carried on with a chuckle.

"But last night... Wow! Last night was something else. That fight in the park, it was so incredible and so… thrilling. And at the same time, it seemed so… normal. I don't know how to explain it, but for the first time in four years, I felt alive, Jack. Really _alive_."

Jack held back a smile. Ianto didn't need to explain anything. He already knew what was going on in his head. He had suspected it, when they had discovered Ianto's daredevil lifestyle, only to be confirmed in his assumptions when the young man had thrown himself into the middle of the fight without even batting an eyelash.

Chasing aliens was a drug and once you had a taste, nothing could compare to it. Torchwood operatives died. If they were very lucky, they retired. But they never, _never_ resigned. Amnesia or not, Ianto had it in his blood and nothing would change it. He had caught a fucking dinosaur with him in a warehouse, for God's sake! What could compete with that?

Ianto drained the rest of his coffee and shook his head.

"Sorry. I know I sound like a petulant child throwing a tantrum. Maybe I'm asking too much, but I want it back, Jack. I want to feel alive again."

Jack reached out and patted the sleeve of his jacket with a smirk.

"Hey, calm down. I didn't say anything yet."

Ianto's head jerked up, his eyes shining with hope.

"Does that mean 'yes'? I can come back to your team?"

Jack shook his head.

"It's not that simple."

Ianto's shoulders slumped and he sagged in his chair.

_I should have known better. It was too good to be true._

"So it means 'no'," he whispered.

Jack shook his head once again and pushed his empty cup aside.

"Neither."

Ianto glanced at him, puzzled.

"Sorry, but I'm lost."

Jack couldn't help but chuckle.

"Maybe, if you let me talk, you wouldn't be."

"Sorry," apologized Ianto, biting his lower lip nervously.

Jack let out a sigh and leant back in his chair.

"Honestly, I don't know what to say. This is not exactly what I expected. I really thought you'd choose to go back to London. God, I didn't even expect you to want to talk to me after all I told you last night."

He paused, crossed his ankles under the table, his hands buried in the pockets of his coat as he stared at the ceiling, doing his best to keep in mind that Ianto was only asking for a job. Just a job. Nothing else.

"You know, I liked working with you. You may not remember, but you were great at your job, really. You were certainly one of the most promising agents I have ever worked with. Maybe, if you had had more time…"

He stopped again and looked Ianto straight in the eyes.

"I would be more than happy to have you back on my team, but I'm not sure it's such a good idea. What if it takes too much of you again? Even if you don't regain any of your bad memories, what if it triggers something else and you reach the point of no return again? I don't want you to suffer again, Ianto. You deserve better."

Ianto didn't respond immediately. When he did, it was with a quiet voice, his eyes locked on Jack's.

"Do you remember when I told you my grandmother believed that everything that happens to us has a reason to?"

"Yep."

"I still think she was right. Our paths didn't cross without reason at the hospital. I'm a different man, now. I know I can handle it. All I ask is a second chance. If I screw up, you can always fire me and send me back to London. I won't make a fuss. I swear."

Jack sit up straight and looked at him thoughtfully, trying to find any hint of doubt on Ianto's stubborn face.

"No second thoughts?"

Ianto shook his head firmly.

"You asked me. I gave you my answer."

Jack sighed and rubbed his face wearily.

"Anyway, this is not a decision I can make alone. I have to talk to my team first."

"What? But why? You're the boss. You can...," protested Ianto, unable to hide his desperation. If Jack's co-workers had their say, it was more than likely that he might as well pack his stuff and go back home. They hadn't seemed really thrilled to see him the day before.

The sharp look that Jack shot him silenced him immediately.

_Shut up Jones,_ Ianto scolded himself _. Now, you really sound like a petulant child._

Pressing the palms of his hands together, his fingertips resting against his forehead, Jack exhaled slowly through his nose and closed his eyes.

"Listen, what you want me to do is exactly what I did when I hired you the first time. I made a selfish decision and the least that can be said is that it didn't turn out so well. In the end, you paid the price and I don't want to make the same mistake again. If you have to work together again, you need to trust each other. Do you understand?"

Ianto nodded reluctantly.

"Sorry it's not what you wanted to hear," sighed Jack.

"I suppose it's better than nothing." Ianto shrugged. "What… What if they don't want me? Will you wipe my memory again?"

Jack gritted his teeth.

"Not if I can avoid it, but it's a possibility."

"Okay."

Jack felt his chest tighten at Ianto's resigned tone.

"Hey. The game isn't lost yet. I can be very convincing, when I want to be."

Ianto couldn't help a tiny smile forming on his lips.

"No doubt. You almost convinced me to go back to London, yesterday."

"And you're still here," sighed Jack with fake annoyance, as he stood up and left enough money on the table to cover their drinks. "Come with me. It's time to see if I can do a better job this time."

Ianto grabbed his sunglasses and hurried to follow Jack towards the quay. As they reached the disused Tourist Office, he couldn't take it anymore. The doubt had nagged at him since he had woken up and he needed an answer before he went further.

"Jack?"

Jack turned around and looked at him quizzically.

"Yes?"

Ianto was shuffling from foot to foot, obviously uncomfortable and Jack wondered for a second if he had suddenly changed his mind.

"Um. Can I ask you a question?"

Jack frowned.

"Of course."

Ianto felt a flush spread through his cheeks as he forced the words out of his mouth.

"You and me… we... were something, weren't we. I mean… it's not just my imagination?"

Jack gaped, taken aback, then a veil of sadness passed through his eyes as he ran his fingers through his hair.

_Of course, it would have been too easy._

He took a deep breath, before answering.

"Yes. We were."

Ianto's heart skipped a beat and he remained silent for a moment, trying to process what to do or say now that the cat was out of the bag. He felt a lump forming in his throat and tried to swallow it, in vain.

"Was it... was it something… good?" he asked in a hoarse voice.

Jack pressed his lips together and took another deep breath, closing his eyes.

"I don't know, Ianto. Honestly, I don't know."

With that he turned around and opened the door a bit more brutally than necessary. Once inside, he switched on the lights and pointed out a couple of plastic chairs lined against the wall.

"Make yourself at home."

Not waiting for an answer, he headed towards the far wall and slid open the secret door leading to the Hub.

"I'll be back soon," he said, and with a last glance over his shoulder, he disappeared behind the wall.

_To be continued._


	11. The deal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special thanks to my precious beta reader badly_knitted. Thanks to my wonderful readers.

After the panel had slid closed, Ianto took off his jacket and sagged on one of the plastic chairs with a loud sigh.

He wasn't so sure anymore that it had been a good idea to ask Jack about their relationship. The Captain's answer had raised more questions than it had answered and all Ianto could hope, now, was that he hadn't shot himself in the foot. Jack had seemed very upset and Ianto couldn't help but notice how hard the guy had tried, all that time, to keep his distance each time they had been together.

He pulled his packet of cigarettes out of his pocket and idly played with it. He was craving to light one, but each time he was about to, a voice in his head, sounding suspiciously like Jack, teased him about how kissing an ashtray was unappealing.

Tossing the packet aside, he put his head in his hands and let out a whimper.

God, only two weeks ago, he was living his quiet normal life in London, with a normal job and normal friends. His biggest concern was to decide what colour he would repaint his kitchen. And there he was, seated in the anteroom of a secret organisation, waiting to know if he was worthwhile enough to be a part of it again, whilst toying with the idea of kissing his... former? new? boss.

Now that he had got confirmation that his attraction for Jack wasn't only the product of his imagination and that indeed there had been something between them, an endless stream of questions was rushing in his head: when and how had it started? Before or after Lisa? Was it only about sex? Were there feelings? From both sides? Why wasn't Jack so sure it had been a good thing? Was it Ianto's fault? Had he done something wrong? Was there still a chance that they could get together again?

He threw his head back and breathed slowly, forcing himself to calm down. First of all, he had to stay focussed on getting his job back, then it would be time to deal with more personal subjects.

Closing his eyes, he started to count the minutes, hoping Jack would soon come back with good news.

TW TW TW TW TW

Half hidden in the darkness of the corridor leading to the main area, Jack paused for a moment to surreptitiously watch his team.

Obviously, this morning hadn't been busier than the other days.

Whilst Owen was bent on slaughtering zombies on his computer screen, swearing and muttering under his breath, Gwen and Tosh were huddling together on the old couch, admiring Tosh's diamond ring and giggling like two schoolgirls.

Jack couldn't help but smile. The ordeals the two women had faced together over the years had undeniably led them to become as close as sisters, in spite of a difficult start which had been made worse by their rivalry over Owen.

With Tosh's help, Gwen had learned to channel her energy, to be calmer and more composed, but without losing her spontaneity. In return, she had helped her friend to be more extroverted and to enjoy life. Which had certainly contributed to the fact that the grumpy doctor and the shy genius had finally come together.

Turning his attention to Owen, Jack could see that though the young medic seemed fully absorbed in his video game, a half smile was hovering on his lips as he managed to cast an occasional glance towards his fiancée.

Despite Owen's constant efforts to convince the rest of the world that he was a perfect bastard, Jack had seen him in action often enough to know better than to judge the book by its cover.

Behind the manners of a bulldog whose favourite bone had been stolen, he was a damn good doctor and a good man. They had had their share of bad times of course, as when the members of the team had let themselves be tricked by Bilis into opening the Rift, but whatever happened, Owen had always been there when needed, even in the worst moments.

After Jack had been forced to sacrifice Jasmine to the Fairies and Owen had discovered his 'gift', he had never considered him a freak. And even if Owen had never said it out loud, Jack knew he sympathized.

When Jack had come to tell him about Flat Holm and had asked for his help, he had complied without question and had done his job the best he could.

When he had been forced to cryogenically freeze Gray, and despite the resentment Owen could have had for his brother, the doctor had been there, once again, a silent but comforting presence beside him, whilst Jack was plunging his brother into an endless sleep.

In their own way, the three other members of Torchwood had become the closest thing to a family he'd had since his time with the Doctor and Rose and it was out of question for him to jeopardize it.

Taking a deep breath, he stepped out of the shadows. As soon as he entered the main area, his co-workers jumped to their feet and rushed towards him.

"Jack!" Gwen called out. "Where were you? We thought..." She trailed off, but Jack knew what she was about to say.

_We thought you had left._

He sighed inwardly. Would he ever hear the end of it? There were times he really wondered if one day, time would finally heal the scars left by his departure with the Doctor and if he would find a way to fully regain their trust.

Eyes on the ground, he strode to one of the workstations and leant against it, turning his back to them.

"I told you I wasn't going anywhere, Gwen. You shouldn't have worried."

"So where were you?" asked Owen, looking at him with suspicion.

"Needed to think," sighed Jack without turning around. Though he didn't see them, he could feel their eyes piercing holes in his back.

Tosh sent a knowing glance to Gwen, who nodded in return. They didn't need more to guess where he had been. 'Thinking' for Jack meant 'rooftop' and preferably the highest possible.

"All night long _and_ this morning?" insisted Owen, his eyes narrowing even more.

"Owen..." scolded Tosh.

She was well aware that the lack of trust they had shown towards Jack the night before had hurt him. The last thing he needed right now was to have to justify himself.

Jack shook his head and sighed heavily before turning around, arms crossed on his chest, mirroring Owen's posture.

"Not exactly all night long. There was a Weevil alert. Just after your so romantic... proposal." He waved his hand towards Tosh's ring. "Didn't want it to kill the mood, so I took care of it myself."

Owen faltered, having the good grace to look slightly sheepish.

"Well, I suppose it explains why I found a dead Weevil in my autopsy bay this morning and another one locked in the cells."

"Jack!" Gwen gently scolded. "I thought you agreed to stop this. Chasing two Weevils by yourself, it's not reasonable."

"Three," Jack blurted out between his teeth.

Gwen frowned at him quizzically and he sighed. This was themoment of truth.

"There were three Weevils actually," he clarified. "And for the record, I wasn't alone to deal with them."

"What do you mean? Who…" she asked.

"Ianto. Seems that he followed me from the Hub and showed up in the middle of the fight. Not that I'm complaining. The bigger one was just about to shred me into pieces."

"What?" Owen nearly choked.

"Is he ok? Tosh immediately wanted to know. "Ianto. I mean, he wasn't injured, was he?"

Jack couldn't help but smile at the fact that predictibly her first concern was for Ianto's well-being instead of the reason for his presence in the middle of a Weevil hunt.

"He's fine. Barely got a scratch in the fight, but knocked one of them out and put another one to flight." He discreetly winked at her. "Believe me, it was quite impressive."

"But how… I thought he was on his way to London," asked Gwen, her eyes wide with surprise.

Jack sent her a sarcastic glance, suddenly more serious.

"Apparently not. From what he told me, your pal Davidson recognized him when he arrested him for speeding and made a couple of comments that convinced him there was still a reason to dig around."

Both Gwen's brows went up.

"Oh."

"As you said," Jack deadpanned.

"Shit," muttered Owen, running his hand through his hair. "For pity's sake, Jack. Tell me you didn't do anything stupid last night."

"Depends on what you mean by 'stupid'."

Owen exhaled hard and dropped his head, resting his chin on his chest, eyes closed. A few seconds passed in silence, then he shook is head and slowly looked up at Jack with weary eyes:

"I know I'm gonna regret asking this, but... What did you do?"

Jack perched himself on the desk, one leg dangling, staring at his feet.

"We talked."

"Talked?" repeated Owen skeptically.

"Yes. We _talked_ ," emphasized Jack a bit louder, lifting his head. "After having seen me resurrect in front of his eyes, I think it was the least I could do."

"You died?" shouted Gwen. "But I thought you were the one who killed that Weevil." She gestured towards the autopsy bay.

Jack looked at her and tilted his head to the side.

"Only after he shredded my femoral artery. A very unpleasant experience, trust me."

"Oh, Jack," Tosh whispered, laying a hand on his forearm in a conforting gesture.

Jack put his hand on hers and smiled at her reassuringly. He knew she had never really got used to watching him dying and that even if he always came back to life, she couldn't get rid of the nagging feeling that maybe, one day, he wouldn't.

"It's getting better and better," Owen grumbled, before asking the fateful question that nagged at them all. "Did he regain his memories?"

Jack shook his head.

"No. Nothing. Neither after seeing me dying and resurrecting nor after I spent most of the night telling him about us and his missing two years."

"Wh... Are you insane?" exploded Owen, whilst Gwen put a hand on his arm to restrain him. "Did you think of the risks you put him at? What if all his memories had come back in one shot. Did you think of that? It could have killed him!"

"I know Owen!" roared Jack in return, just as loud as Owen, slamming his hand on the desk. "But I owed it to him!"

He stood up and started to pace angrily though the area.

"You don't know what it feels like not to know what you have done or where you have been for years. To have this hole in you head that taunts you every day. None of you have a clue of how it feels. But I do!"

"Damnit, Harkness! I've never pretended..." Owen was fuming, torn between anger and frustration.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa..." Gwen stepped in, her hands lifted in a gesture of appeasement, suddenly in full 'PC' mode. "Calm down! Everybody calm down. We won't do any good by barking at each other like dogs."

Tosh was staring at them with wide eyes, taken aback by the sudden outburst. Seeing her stunned face, Jack stopped in his tracks and sighed. He wouldn't achieve anything by losing his temper.

He ran his hands through his hair and forced his breathing to slow down. He was supposed to convince them to give Ianto another chance, not to convince them that once again he had let his his own issues cloud his judgment.

"How is he?" asked Tosh quietly.

Jack sighed.

"Rather surprisingly, he's fine." The corner of his lips twiched slightly. "More than fine. He wants to come back to Torchwood."

"It's a joke," snorted Owen.

"Do I look like I'm joking, Owen?" snapped Jack. "I asked him what he wanted to do and he told me he wanted... No, his exact words were that 'he needed' to come back with us to feel complete again."

"And I suppose you agreed?" said Owen wearily.

"No."

Jack watched the shock wave ran through their faces and for a second he enjoyed seeing them gaping in a perfect imitation of goldfish.

"I told him you have to give your consent before I decide anything."

"Really? And what if we said 'no'?" Owen challenged him as soon as he had recovered from the surprise.

"Then, he knows we'd have to figure out something else and that it might imply erasing another part of his more recent memories."

"And you're okay with this. Just like that?" insisted Owen, his voice reeking of skepticism.

"Yes, Owen. Just like that," answered Jack almost dejectedly. "Believe it or not, your opinion matters to me."

The young medic didn't reply, only staring at his friend, looking for the slightest trace of insincerity.

"I agree," blurted out Tosh unexpectedly. "I want him to come back."

She knew she was speaking with her heart rather than with her brain. But it seemed that she was finally being given the chance to repay Ianto for what he had done for her in the Brecon Beacons and she was determined not to waste it.

"Tosh!" scolded her fiancé.

She turned towards him and looked daggers at him.

"What Owen? You've got a problem? Be careful. Just because I'm gonna marry you doesn't mean I can't have my own opinion and express it. Is that clear? Ianto was more than capable when he was amongst us and all I've heard about him of late has only consolidated my opinion."

With that, she stepped back and leant against one of the workstations, arms crossed on her chest, letting them know thereby she didn't intend to reconsider her decision.

Owen bit his bottom lip and lifted his hands defensively, rather chastised by Tosh's unusually sharp tone.

"Okay, okay. No need to bite. You do as you wish... but I'll do the same."

Gwen cleared her throat and sat on a chair neaby, her elbows resting on her knees, fingers crossed under her chin.

"Hmm. Alright. Not that I have any problem with Ianto coming back, quite the contrary, but... Isn't it too risky... for him?" she asked. "Because... Well, if you told him everything about his time with us and with Torchwood One..." Jack nodded in confirmation. "Ok, shouldn't it have triggered something? Maybe not all his memories, but... I don't know, a few scraps? What if he started to remember all of the sudden and crashed again?"

"I asked him again this morning," said Jack in a quiet voice. "He's fine. He assured me he doesn't remember and I believe him. Some weird feelings and déjà-vus, but no real memories of his two years with Torchwood." He paused and looked at the medic. "He doesn't remember... and I don't think he will."

"How can you be so sure he won't break through the retcon and start to remember?" pressed Gwen.

Jack turned towards her.

"Because, I think he already did." He glanced at Owen again, who was looking back and he could almost see the gearwheels of the medic's brain turning at high speed to follow his train of thought.

"But... You just said he didn't remember anything," said Tosh, surprised.

"That's right, but I don't think it has anything to do with the retcon. Though he is persuaded otherwise, I think he doesn't want to remember. Not that anyone could blame him."

Jack paused and thoughtfully scratched the back of his neck before carrying on.

"I know it sounds crazy, but I spent a lot of time thinking about it and the only rational explanation I could come to is that Ianto's brain has developed a sort of self-defence mechanism to protect him, like a sort of safety bolt which remains even after the effects of the drug have worn off." He looked at Owen expectantly. "What do you think?"

The doctor stayed silent for a while, then nodded slowly.

"On the face of things, I'd say 'why not'. But nothing says that this 'lock' is not likely to blow at any moment."

Jack sighed with exasperation.

"And nothing says otherwise either. Honestly, Ianto has an eidetic memory. After crossing paths with three Weevils and spending half the night listening to me spouting about the worst moments of his life, don't you think that if he was going to remember something, he would have done so

already?"

Owen opened his mouth to reply when Gwen stood up and pulled the rug from under his feet.

"Ok, it works for me. I vote for."

Tosh grinned smugly at her fiancé as she joined her friend and they linked arms.

"Sorry, Owen, but the majority wins."

"No," Jack cut off.

The two women turned towards him.

"But..." started Tosh, flabbergasted.

Jack shook his head.

"I won't force anyone into it. Either we all agree, or we let it drop."

"But Jack..." insisted Gwen with dismay.

"If you want to try to make me feel guilty, it won't work," said Owen with a stubborn look.

"Damn, Owen, I'm not trying to force your hand. I'm trying to convince you to give him a chance to resume his life."

"That's it? You're doing it out of pure altruism, without any further agenda. Like, maybe, giving yourself a chance to drag him back in your bed."

"Owen! For God's sake. Couldn't you take your dirty mind out of the gutter for once?" shouted Gwen, more and more aggraved by Owen's bad manners.

Purposely ignoring her, Owen walked throught the area and crashed down on the couch, looking Jack straight in the eyes.

"Ok. Convince me. I'm listening. Why do you want to have him back?"

Jack sighed.

"Obviously, not for the reasons you're thinking of."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Really."

"You mean there'd be nothing more between you than a simple boss/employee relationship?"

Jack closed his eyes and took a deep breath before answering, carefully choosing his words.

"I mean that if something did happen between us, it would be because _he_ wanted it and not because I used some trick to lure him back in my bed, as you suggested so elegantly."

Owen pulled a face.

"Mmm. Doesn't tell me why I should agree."

"Because it's in your better interest," said Jack, using the same tone he would use with a slow child. "We all know that given Tosh's state, we'll soon have to hire a new agent and Ianto is the most qualified to apply for the job."

"Do I have to remind you he forgot everything about that job?" objected Owen.

"He learnt it once. He can do it again. Gwen didn't know anything about aliens before we hired her."

"Yeah. _You_ hired her and she got almost half of the male population of Cardiff killed. Yippee."

"Hey!" shouted Gwen.

Owen looked at her and cocked an eyebrow.

"What? It's true."

"Because you never screwed up, Dr Perfection?" sneered Gwen.

"Hey!" Jack protested. "Can you stop bickering like kids. That's not the point. Ianto has already been a Torchwood operative and a good one. He has an eidetic memory which is priceless for us. We also need someone with medical knowlege. As a fireghter, he has this knowledge and there is no risk he would puke his guts at the first sight of a drop of blood. What else do you want, Owen? He's made for the job."

"Ok," groaned the young man, running his hands over his face, before adding:

"But before we do anything, I want guarantees."

"What kind of guarantees?" frowned Jack.

"I just want to be sure he won't fall apart from one moment to the next under pressure and screw up, because suddenly he decided he couldn't handle it anymore and had a breakdown. So I want you to let me test him.

Jack looked at him dubiously.

"Don't worry. There will be no trap and nothing invasive or dangerous. Just a few tests in situations, to be sure he has the guts to do the job. If he succeeds, I'll you give my consent and we will start working together again. If he fails..." He pointedly looked at each of them. "If he fails, I want him to have his memory erased for the last two days and to be sent back to London."

He paused and stared at Jack's face, his expression softening fractionally. "For his own safety."

Owen didn't like what he was doing, but it had to be done. Jack was too emotionally involved to think straight, though Owen knew he was trying his best to do the right thing. He felt sorry for his friend, but someone had play devil's advocate and this time it was his turn.

"Do we have a deal, Jack?"

Jack nodded slowly.

"Deal."

"Good."

He could almost hear the girls letting out a sigh of relief and had to beat back a smile.

"Owen."

Jack's sharp tone startled Owen and he turned his head towards him again. The Captain was standing in the middle of the area, hands shoved in the pockets of his coat, staring at the ground and looking not even half as happy as Owen expected him to be.

"Yes, Jack?" he asked cautiously.

Although tinged with weariness, Jack's voice remained steady.

"You got what you wanted. Now it's my turn to give you my conditions. Don't worry there's only two and I don't think it will affect the result of your... test."

Owen frowned.

"I'm listening."

"First, if we have to erase his memories, you'd be the one doing it this time. There's no way I'm doing it again. Is that clear?"

Owen understood and merely nodded his agreement.

"What's the other condition?"

"If we have to resort to that, I want you to wipe my memory too. For the same period."

"Jack…"

Jack closed his eyes and shook his head

"I don't care what kind of excuse you'll have to make up. But if it happens, I don't want to remember the last two days."

_I don't want to remember being so close and losing him again._

"Those are my conditions and they are non-negotiable. Is that okay?"

Owen bit his bottom lip and glanced at Tosh and Gwen, before finally nodding his consent.

"Ok. I'll do it."

"Good," whispered Jack, relieved.

Owen grunted non-committally, hoping wholeheartedly not to be driven to that extreme. He stood up and cleared his throat.

"Now, let's get down to brass tacks. Where did you leave the Teaboy?"

"He's waiting in the Tournism Office. And he's not the Teaboy, Owen," teased Jack with a smirk. "Not until you take him back on the team."

Owen growled and shrugged, pretending he hadn't noticed the baiting behind Jack's banter. Ignoring Gwen and Tosh's smug faces, he headed towards the exit and grumbled:

"Come on guys, move your butts. We don't have all day."

_To be continued_


	12. The test

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special thanks to my precious beta reader badly_knitted.  
> I beg you: please, please, don't hate Owen too much. His awful demeanour has a purpose, I swear.  
> This chapter was supposed to be shorter, but it seems that I had another attack of logorrhoea. Anyway, I hope you'll have as much fun reading it as I had writing it.

When the panel opened again and let the four members of the team in, Ianto instantly jumped to his feet, his heart beating at high speed. The moment of truth had arrived, which would decide the rest of his life.

He immediately noticed that Jack stood back behind Owen, Gwen and Toshiko flanking the two men. His expression betrayed nothing that allowed Ianto to know whether he had managed to convince them to take him back or not and Ianto felt a sick feeling creep into him.

He warily looked at the three other people in the room. The two women offered rather open and outgoing faces, but the doctor was showing a scowl that didn't bode well. Ianto glanced at Jack, as he moved away from the group and went to lean against the wall, head bowed and his hands buried in the pockets of his coat. For a split second, Ianto thought he had seen the ghost of a smile on Jack's lips, but the vision was so fleeting, he couldn't have sworn.

"You know who we are?" Owen bluntly asked.

Ianto slowly nodded and cleared his throat.

"Yes, you...You're Doctor Owen Harper. This is Ms Toshiko Sato and there is Mrs Gwen Williams, née Cooper."

Owen pursed his lips, apparently satisfied.

"Good. We won't beat around the bush. Jack told us you want to come back working with us. Is that right?"

Ianto squared his shoulders and lifted his chin. Ok, apparently, he was experiencing a sort of 'Torchwood style' job interview.

"Yes, it is."

He tried to keep his voice firm and to show a level of assurance and confidence which he was far from possessing. Whilst his gaze slipped again towards Jack to seek his support, Owen shifted and came between them, blocking his view.

"Useless to count on Jack. He agreed to let me test you and has promised not to intervene. From now on, it's between _you_ and _me_ ," he slowly said, punctuating each word by pounding his forefinger on Ianto's chest.

Owen took a step back and narrowed his eyes, arms crossed.

"I don't exactly know what Jack told you about us, but our work's got little to do with matinee performances for kids."

Ianto straightened.

"I get that. I'm not scared."

Owen snorted derisively.

"That's what they all say before ending up retching their breakfast, covered with greenish mucus and wading through alien guts."

Ianto's face suddenly darkened and he remained silent, staring into space for a moment, before looking Owen straight in the eyes.

"Doctor Harper. Have you ever witnessed the extrication of a six year old child crushed in a car embedded under a truck's axle?"

Gwen stifled a gasp and Tosh instinctively brought her hand to her belly.

Owen tightly pressed his lips together and shook his head. "No, I haven't."

"Well, I have. So with all due respect to you, I think it'll take a little more than some mucus and a few guts for me to throw up mine."

The tone was dry and firm, any trace of shyness gone. He paused and watched the effect of his words on the others. The eyes of Gwen and Tosh were filled with compassion, whilst Jack's face showed nothing but the falsely jaded expression of the ones who have already seen too much to afford to let their emotions show.

Ianto turned back to Owen, who tried to keep his face an impenetrable mask.

"Maybe I don't remember the atrocities I saw when working with you," Ianto continued, "but believe me, over the years I have worked as a fireman, I've certainly seen enough to forge my character. I'm no longer a kid, _Doctor Harper_."

The last two words had been said in a sarcastic tone and Owen tilted his head to the side, smirking.

_This guy has balls. I like it._

"If you say so."

He uncrossed his arms, cooled his features and started to slowly walk in circles around Ianto, sizing him up from head to foot.

"The other problem, you see, is that you'll have to work with _me_. And frankly, I don't think you'll enjoy it. We didn't like each other back then and there is no reason why that should change."

He stopped his pacing and locked his gaze on Ianto.

"I don't care that you were a boss in your little fire station. As far as I'm concerned, here, you're at the bottom of the food chain, okay? I'm the second in command and trust me, it won't change soon. You'd better keep in mind that having been Jack's part time shag won't earn you any privileges."

Although Jack knew perfectly well it was only a way for Owen to drive Ianto into a corner and assess him, he couldn't help reacting.

"Hey, Owen! Watch your mouth," he barked at him.

Owen turned to him and furrowed his forehead.

"What? It's not a secret..." His eyes widened and he muttered between his teeth. "You told him, didn't you?"

Jack faltered and chewed the inside of his mouth.

"Yes, but... Well, we didn't really go into details, okay?"

Owen rolled his eyes at him, then managed to plaster a stony mask on his face, before turning to Ianto again.

"Anyway," he went on as if nothing had happened, placing himself almost nose to nose in front of Ianto. "I'm a real pain in the arse. _I_ know it. _They_ are used to it and I don't intend to change. Question is: are you sure you want to deal with it?"

Ianto slightly tilted his head as if musing, then finally spoke in a reflective tone, looking Owen in the face.

"Well, I don't know what kind of relationship you and I had when I worked here and honestly I don't care. I've had my share of jerks through the years though and it never stopped me. I don't want your job, mine would be enough. You don't have to worry." He paused and twitched the corner of his mouth. "As for whose bed I'm sharing or not, that's none of your business. Roger?"

The faint smile on his face widened and his lips curled in a feral smirk, as Ianto looked Owen up and down.

"Besides, it seems that I'm bigger and heavier than you are, I'm pretty sure I can handle a guy like you without any extra help."

The two men stared at each other for a moment, until Owen cocked an eyebrow and broke the spell.

"Ok," he finally said with a wry smile which barely lasted a second. "As you wish. But you've been warned. Don't come complaining to me."

With that, he turned on his heel and headed towards the hidden door. When crossing the threshold, he stopped and beckoned Ianto over.

"Come on, Teaboy. It's high time for you to meet the rest of the freaky family."

Ianto glanced towards Jack, who merely nodded at him, still leaning against the brick wall, arms crossed.

Feeling increasingly like he was borrowing Alice's shoes and was about to land in Wonderland, Ianto took a deep breath and rushed after the doctor into the dim corridor, followed by Tosh and Gwen.

As she brushed past Jack, Gwen patted his forearm with a smile and whispered into his ear:

"Fireboy 1. Grumpy Doc 0."

Jack chuckled and shook his head, before following them through the wall.

Perhaps everything wasn't lost yet after all.

TW TW TW TW TW

The lift ride to reach sublevel 4 went into heavy silence.

Owen had positioned himself just in front of the metal doors with his back turned to the others and was staring into space, an undecipherable expression on his face. Gwen and Tosh stood behind him, glancing nervously at each other from time to time. And therefore Jack and Ianto had ended up at the back of the lift cage, each huddled into a corner.

Ianto was looking ahead, head up, trying hard to hide his stress, though his hands were clenched in tight fists.

Jack cast him a side glance. He was yearning to do something, anything, to help him, but a deal was a deal and he had promised he wouldn't interfere. Helping Ianto would only mean betraying Owen's trust and would also belittle Ianto's skills. He leant against the wall and looked away. In the metal doors' reflection, he caught sight of Owen's eyes locked on him and they shared a faint nod.

The lift dinged as it reached its goal and the doors swooshed open.

Just as they stepped out of the lift, Jack managed to brush the back of his hand against Ianto's. It wasn't much, but it lasted just long enough to let Ianto know it wasn't an accident and for him to feel a pleasant sensation of warmth spread along his arm.

At the end of the corridor, the cogwheel door slowly opened and they entered the main area in the deafening roar of the alarm. Once they were all inside, the circular outer door closed, shutting off the alarm.

The flashing light went out and Ianto startled as the inner barred gate locked behind them, sealing the Hub.

He took a deep breath and walked forwards, whilst the others moved aside to let him pass.

Ianto had never seen anything similar and would never have imagined that such a place could exist just beneath his feet. He let his eyes roam along the galleries leading to the two upper levels and the large glass windows facing the main area.

The amount of electronic devices that met the eyes was worthy of a science fiction movie.

_Welcome to Wonderland, Alice._

"And this is Torchwood," heralded Owen, turning round, then stepping backwards in the middle of the area, arms outstretched. "Nice bit of stuff, right?"

Gaping at the sight before him, Ianto slowly looked up at the central power column rising up to the high ceiling.

"Well... That's pretty... huge. To say the least."

Owen smirked mischievously.

"And you haven't seen anything yet."

Just like a real estate agent touting his flagship product, he started to pace whilst uttering at high speed an enthusiastic description of the premises.

"Eight sublevels, thirteen miles of corridors, fifty five cells, a greenhouse, an autopsy bay and, the most important thing, three bathrooms. A permanent connection to all existing satellites and even to those which are not supposed to exist. Complete energy autonomy. Internal and external ultra-sophisticated monitoring systems with total access in real-time to the secret data of all governments in the world, provided they are wired to an internet connection."

He paused to catch his breath before adding with a wink:

"Not to mention the little extra that makes the difference: an invisible lift."

"You've got an invisible lift?" asked Ianto in awe.

Gwen nodded at him with delight and Ianto pulled an appreciative face.

"Wow."

"In a word," carried on Owen. "The best of the best in the field of secret bases. Even James Bond's villains have never seen anything like it."

Ianto raised his eyebrows and scratched the back of his neck.

"Quite impressive."

Owen couldn't help but chuckle.

"How right you are."

His face suddenly became more serious and something told Jack that the break was over.

"Okay. Hum... So the next part of the classic tour should be to take you to the vaults and introduce you to our lovely guest in vinyl suit named Janet, but as it seems that you have already met some of her friends last night, we're gonna change the etiquette and move to the next stage."

He quickly grabbed a remote on Gwen's workstation and pressed a key. The metallic click of a bolt unlocking resounded and they looked up.

A fleeting shadow flew over the room in a rustle of wings and a shriek echoed against the walls of the Hub.

 _SCREECH_!

"Fuck!"

Ianto ducked out of instinct and Gwen did likewise as Myfanwy hedgehopped just above their heads.

"Ianto meet Myfanwy. Our guard pterodactyl," introduced Owen.

Gwen put her hand on Ianto's arm and helped him to stand up, whilst Myfanwy went to gracefully perch on a metal rail a few feet away.

"Don't worry," said Gwen with a reassuring smile. "She's not dangerous. She's trained."

Hypnotized, Ianto couldn't take his eyes off the improbable being that stood before him. Myfanwy let out another piercing scream, but Ianto was far too fascinated to react, as he took a few steps towards her.

"She's too big for a pterodactyl," he stated absently. "She belongs more likely to the pterosaur class."

"How do you..." amazed, Tosh turned to Jack who merely shrugged.

"I... I don't know," stammered the young man, surprised himself by his statement. "I must have read it somewhere... probably."

He briefly glanced at Jack over his shoulder.

"It's the one we caught in the warehouse?"

Jack nodded with a quick smile.

"Yes, she is."

Ianto resumed his approach towards the pterosaur.

"So, you were my pass-ticket to Torchwood. Thank you."

The creature fidgeted on her perch and shied away with a snap of her beak when Ianto reached out to her.

"Hey, calm down, gorgeous. I don't want to hurt you."

He turned his head and gave the others a confused glance.

Tosh stepped forwards.

"She's just nervous because... she thinks you're angry with her."

Ianto frowned.

"Why? Why should I be angry with her?"

"Well..."

Tosh looked at Jack seeking his help. The Captain stood up and took the floor.

"Because I used her to attack the Cyberwoman and give us a chance to escape."

A veil of sadness darkened Ianto's eyes.

"Was she hurt?"

Jack shrugged and sighed wearily.

"As much as a Cyberman can hurt."

Ianto nodded slowly and returned his attention to Myfanwy, who was tilting her head from one side to the other, obviously confused. Once again, he slowly reached out to her whilst speaking in a soft voice, without taking his eyes off her.

"Come on, beauty. I'm not mad at you, you know. Here, here... I'm not gonna hurt you. Yeah, good girl."

Slowly, he moved closer until his hand came in contact with the long beak of the dinosaur. Whilst continuing to move forwards and lavish soft words on her, he began to stroke the bridge of her beak in a slow up-and-down movement. After a few moments, and under the flabbergasted looks of his companions, the pterosaur nestled her head in the crook of his neck and started to coo.

"Hey, easy pretty girl," chuckled Ianto, as Myfanwy nudged her beak under his arm. "It tickles."

She didn't seem willing to obey him though and continued to rub her beak against his jacket.

"Oh, naughty girl," giggled Ianto. He stepped back to avoid the 'advances' of his new friend and rummaged through the breast pocket of his jacket, from which he retrieved a chocolate protein bar.

"This is what you were looking for, isn't it? Greedy girl."

He unwrapped the bar and started to feed Myfanwy with little pieces of chocolate bar.

"If you hoped he'd freak out, sorry, but it's over," whispered Tosh to Owen, playfully nudging him in the ribs.

"Mmm... I haven't finished yet," grumbled the doctor, before conspicuously clearing his throat. "Sorry to interrupt this pure moment of cuteness, but we aren't finished yet. Come on, Teaboy. It's high time to get to the next test."

"Be good, gorgeous," murmured Ianto."I'll be back soon. Well, I hope so."

Ianto gave Myfanwy the last remaining piece of chocolate and petted her head, before heading towards the nearest exit in Owen's wake, followed by the rest of the group.

The pterosaur gulped her treat and glared at the lout who was interrupting her reunion with her friend. After an angry snap of her beak in Owen's direction, she spread her wings and flew away to sulk in her nest, punctuating her retreat with a last shriek.

"Maybe we should have taken some photos and used them as greeting cards," whispered Jack into Gwen's ear.

She giggled.

"It would have been so cute."

"Bullshit," muttered Owen under his breath

"You have a chip on your shoulder, Owen. Do you know that?" teased Gwen, rolling her eyes.

"It's not true."

"Yes, it is."

"Oh, give me a fucking break," blurted Owen, as they reached the staircase.

He brusquely opened the door and held it, motioning to the others to go downstairs.

"Where are we going?" asked Gwen, as she put her foot on the first step.

"Shooting range," deadpanned Owen without looking at her.

Ianto faltered and stopped dead in his tracks, feeling tension coming back at full speed.

He had never set foot in a shooting range. The one and only time he had held a gun in his hands was more than fifteen years ago, when he was still in high school and his classmate Dafyd had showed them his father's gun after school. If the next test required him to use a weapon, he had every chance of seeing his hopes of joining the team flying out of the window.

He took a deep breath and tried to focus on the reassuring presence of Jack at his side and the memory of their hands touching in the lift. Even if the Captain could do nothing to help him, the mere fact that he stood up for him was enough to raise his hopes. He could hardly imagine Jack taking sides with an incompetent, so maybe the Captain knew things about him that he himself was unaware of. Squaring his shoulders, he followed Gwen and Jack down the stairs.

Tosh was the last to cross the doorstep and as she passed close to Owen, she took his hand in hers.

"Owen."

"Mmm."

She brushed her lips against his ear and whispered:

"I love you."

A fond smile lit up Owen's scowling face.

"I love you too."

TW TW TW TW TW

As they entered the room in single file, the lights went on, illuminating the huge tunnel used for shooting practice. Ianto couldn't help staring wide-eyed and rubbed his forehead nervously. Of course, he should have guessed that Torchwood's shooting range couldn't be anything but exceptional.

The room was chilly and the air saturated with the smell of cordite. Ianto quelled a shiver, caused at the same time by the drop in temperature and the anticipation of the trial to come.

Like the other times, Jack kept away from the group, without so much as taking his eyes off of Ianto, whilst the girls stayed side by side near the young man.

Wasting no time, Owen immediately strode towards a long table on which were displayed the pieces of several weapons awaiting cleaning. Turning his back to the others, he began to assemble a classic model of automatic. The gun clicked as he pulled the slider back and put a bullet in the chamber.

"No special weapon for now. Only a good old Sig Sauer," he said, showing Ianto the gun in his hands.

"I should warn you that I've never…" the young Welshman started.

Owen lifted his other hand to cut him off and shrugged.

"Don't worry, using a gun is the easiest thing in the world."

Turning on his heel, he nonchalantly walked to the centre of the room, facing the line of targets shaped liked weevils which occupied the far end of the tunnel.

"Look, you stand side on to the target," he instructed, illustrating each comment with a gesture. "Feet shoulder-width apart. You hold your arm out straight." He glanced at Ianto who was staring at him with the fascination of a deer caught in headlights. "You exhale… slowly… and… you squeeze the trigger."

_BANG!_

The detonation reverberated off the walls of the tunnel and the cement floor with a deafening noise, which made them jump.

"See? Very easy," smirked Owen, smugly blowing on the tip of his smoking gun. "Your turn."

Making the gun twirl around his finger, he handed the grip to Ianto, who gulped nervously and took it with a slightly shaking hand.

"Come on. It's not so different from using an air rifle at the fair."

Ianto sighed.

"If you say so."

He switched places with Owen and tried his best to copy his posture. It shouldn't be so hard. All he had to do was to aim and pull the trigger whilst avoiding closing his eyes at the last second.

Holding the gun gingerly, he took a deep breath and pointed it towards the target. God, it looked so much easier in movies.

"Come on, Teaboy," taunted Owen beside him. "Show us how great you'd be in the field."

"Owen, leave him alone," scolded Tosh.

"What?" he snorted unrepentantly "I just want to know how he'd do under a bit of pressure."

He came closer to the Welshman and started to speak to him in a low voice.

"Don't mess up, Ianto. Right in the head. Can you do that? Imagine if this thing was holding a hostage. A child, for example. Why not a little girl?"

Ianto felt the palms of his hands becoming increasingly clammy as Owen spoke to him. He tried to steady himself, blinked several times and tightened his grip on the butt of the Sig in order to suppress the slight shaking of his hand.

In spite of his best efforts, he couldn't manage to completely ignore Owen's acerbic comments, which were echoing his own insecurities.

"What if you missed?" Owen continued, seemingly oblivious to Ianto's growing discomfort. "What if you killed her? What if it killed her first? Would you dare fire before it sank its fangs in her throat? Would you? Won't you?"

Ianto gripped the gun harder and harder. So much so that his knuckles were turning white. But he couldn't compel himself to fire, as if it would reveal for good his utter failure.

Owen came even closer and Ianto could feel his breath on his neck.

"Maybe, one of us could be killed too. After all, unlike Jack, we're only mere mortals."

"Owen, stop it!" shouted Jack, giving up his restraint.

Ianto sighed and lowered his arm. He sent a pained look his way.

"I'm sorry, Jack, but he's right. I don't think I can do it. This is just… out of my league. I'm sorry, I don't want to risk putting anyone in danger."

Owen took the gun from his hand and slowly headed to the exit.

"Great. For once, we are of the same opinion."

"It doesn't mean anything, Owen," objected Jack. "I trained him once. I can do it again."

Owen stopped at the doorstep and let out a joyless chuckle, without turning around.

"Oh no, no way. If there should ever be some kind of training for him, it would be my job. We all know what your weapons training looks like. It has far more to do with flirting than with actual training, excuse me."

Jack rolled his eyes and ran a hand through his hair. "Thanks for the vote of confidence."

"Owen, please!" pleaded Tosh.

The doctor stayed still for a moment, then minutely shook his head.

"One second… I'm thinking." His voice sounded muffled and distant, and the others glanced at each other quizzically.

With no warning, Owen suddenly turned around.

"Ianto! Three Weevils at nine!" he shouted, startling all of them, as he threw the gun towards Ianto.

At that instant, time seemed to stretch out. They followed the course of the gun with their eyes as it made an arc in the air and they couldn't help gaping when Ianto caught it in mid-air in a fluid movement, then stepped effortlessly into a textbook perfect shooting stance, before aiming and squeezing the trigger.

_BANG! BANG! BANG!_

The bullets hit the 'Weevil' targets right in the centre of the foreheads leaving three neat holes behind them.

A stunned silence followed the detonations and Ianto looked down at the weapon in his hand with amazement, as if wondering how it had ended up there.

"What? How?" stammered Gwen with disbelief.

"What a wonderful thing conditioned reflexes are," chuckled Owen with a wry smile. "That's creepy…but I like it."

He took the gun from Ianto's hand once again and carefully put it down on the table. Leaning against it, he crossed his arms and looked at Jack.

"Seems that there was some training, after all."

Jack shook his head and snickered.

"Of course there was and he was one of the best trainees I have ever got my hands on. No pun intended."

He took a step forwards and raised his eyes to heaven. "Do you really think that I'd have dragged him with us to the Brecon Beacon's if he hadn't been able to shoot accurately?"

"I know," admitted Owen quietly. "And that's the only reason for this little test."

"So we're done?" intervened Gwen hopefully. "You got what you wanted, didn't you?"

"Well…"

"Owen," scolded Tosh. "He has already proved he could be in the field. What more do you want?"

Owen raised his hands defensively.

"Hey, hey. Calm down, guys. There is still a question that needs to be answered." He turned to face Ianto who was still too stunned to react. "Beware mate, it's eliminatory."

They looked at him expectantly, all of them holding their breath. Owen's sullen face suddenly broke into a large smile.

"Please, tell me you know how to use the fucking coffee machine."

Ianto smiled in turn and chuckled.

"I think that's more my area of expertise."

At these words, the group erupted with joy and Ianto found himself taken in a stranglehold between Gwen and Tosh, who were hugging him tightly.

Owen walked slowly towards Jack, who hadn't moved and patted his shoulder.

"Congratulations. You have him back."

"Thanks Owen," replied Jack, his eyes locked on Ianto, who was looking back at him above the girls' heads.

"You're welcome, Jack," said Owen softly, glancing over his shoulder at the two women happily chatting with Ianto.

He let out a weary sigh. Contrary to popular belief, Owen wasn't a total bastard. He didn't even dislike Ianto as much as he pretended to either, and he wasn't blinkered enough not to see that the man was more than capable of doing the job. No, his qualms had nothing to do with Ianto's abilities… nor with his 'baggage' with Jack.

He didn't care if they slept together. Of course, their previous relationship had been a mess, poisoned by secrets and things unsaid, but Owen was sincerely glad that they were given another chance to make it better. God knew that they both deserved their share of happiness in this world.

No, the problem was that though he really wanted to be delighted about Ianto's return into their lives, he couldn't help worrying. He didn't want to see Jack hurting again. He didn't want to have to scrub his friend's brains from his office wall once again. And he definitely didn't want to have to retcon the two of them, if things finally flunked.

In spite of his best efforts to try and see the bright side of the situation, the pessimist in him still wondered if they were making a mistake by letting Ianto come back and all he hoped now was that they hadn't missed something and that it wouldn't come back and bite them in the ass.

He gave up his musing with a shrug and sighed again.

_No need to twist yourself in knots, man. Only time will tell._

Burying his hands in the pockets of his jeans, he nonchalantly went to join the others and left the room.

_To be continued._


	13. Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special thanks to my precious beta reader badly_knitted who takes time to beta my work, though she has hardly enough time to write her own wonderful fics.  
> I intend to recycle some of the original dialogues and situations from the show. I hope you won't mind and will like what I did with it.  
> You must be warned: this chapter contains a cliffhanger. Please don't hate me.

Ianto carefully placed a mug on Tosh's workstation. The earthenware gave a slight ding as it met the glass and made her look upwards.

The Welshman had spent almost an hour disassembling and thoroughly cleaning the infamous Italian coffee machine, before methodically putting it back together. Once it had been done, he had returned to _Café Ambrosio_ and from there had come back with an armful of miscellaneous varieties of coffee beans. A few minutes later, the hissing of steam under pressure resounded again under the arcades of the Hub, soon followed by a series of almost orgasmic moans, as the young man went from one desk to another to deliver his delicious beverage.

The young Japanese woman smiled at him but shook her head.

"Thank you Ianto. It's very nice of you, but I'd rather not..."

He raised his hand, returning her smile.

"I know. Jack told me about the baby. Congratulations."

Tosh sheepishly dropped her gaze to the floor.

"Thank you."

Ianto gently pushed the mug towards her.

"It's decaf. Have a taste."

She gave him a sceptical look, but he encouraged her with a nod. She grabbed the cup with both hands and took a tentative sip. Her face, already tensed in an apprehensive grimace, almost instantly relaxed.

"Mmm… Delicious," she said with a wide grin, as she greedily licked her lips.

Ianto shrugged modestly.

"It isn't perfect yet, but I'll work on the blend and it should get better soon."

Tosh took another sip of her coffee.

"Oh, Ianto you're a wizard. You know that?"

He chuckled and bowed his head.

"I aim to please. May I…" he trailed off.

Tosh looked at him quizzically.

"Yes?"

Ianto merely shook his head, fumbling with the seam of his jeans.

"Nothing. It's stupid."

"Come on, Ianto. Tell me."

He glanced at one of the monitors in front of her and pulled a face

"I was just wondering if I could help you somehow. But... it's obvious that everything you're working on is out of my league."

A warm smile lit up her face and she put her mug aside.

"No, that's not stupid at all. Take a seat. I'm going to show you how it works."

He hesitated.

"Are you sure?"

"Yep. You'll need to learn how to use it, anyway. So, better start straight away. Sit down."

Ianto complied but didn't seem completely convinced and Tosh couldn't help chuckling.

"Don't worry I'll try to spare you my usual geek babbling."

She rolled her seat next to him and pointed at a monitor, on which a series of sinusoidal lines were waving on a blue background.

"Do you see it?"

Ianto nodded, his eyes locked on the data on the screen, determined to live up to her expectations.

"This is sort of the electrocardiogram of the Rift. These days, we are rather lucky and it's very quiet. When there is more activity, this is what it looks like."

She opened a new window showing a tangle of erratic peaks.

One thing leading to another, they spent the next hour going through the various networks and software that might be required to be used, as well as through Torchwood's intricate computer system. At first, she was surprised he didn't take notes of what she was explaining to him, then she remembered he had an eidetic memory. Although she was a genius in the strict sense of the term, she had had to work hard, to spend hours in classrooms or studying late at night at home. Seeing Ianto absorbing every piece of knowledge with so much ease was somehow… fascinating.

Ianto leant back in his chair and tapped his upper lip with his index finger

"With all the statistics you have built up through the years, don't you think we could develop an algorithm to help us predict the alerts before they go off?" he asked, without taking his eyes off of the screen. "Something like what exists for earthquakes or hurricanes?"

Tosh hid a smirk behind the heel of her hand. Oh yes, she knew that Jack hadn't hired him in first place for his good looks. This guy had a brain and knew how to use it. It would be a pleasure to work with him. And she loved the way he had used 'we' instead of 'you', showing that he already saw himself as a part of the team.

She tapped away at her keyboard and switched the screen.

"Well actually, that's one of the projects I'm working on. As with your decaf, it's not yet perfect, but it has already provided some encouraging results…"

Ianto's eyes went wide as he descrambled the data on the screen.

"Wow, that's fascinating."

A conspicuous clearing of throat coming from the gallery made them lift their heads. Gwen stood up the stairs and gave them a wide smile.

"Sorry to interrupt, but… Anybody for lunch? I fetched pizzas from Jubilee." She turned towards Tosh and winked at her. "I brought you a vegetarian. More digestible."

Tosh gratefully sighed. Thank God, at least that would be something she could smell and eat without throwing up within the next two minutes.

"Thanks Gwen. You're my saviour."

"You're welcome. This is one of the advantages of having already gone through it. Don't worry, nausea usually eases after the third month."

"May you be right," hoped Tosh, as Gwen turned round and headed to the boardroom.

Ianto stood up and was about to obediently follow her when Tosh grabbed him by the arm and held him back.

"Ianto?"

He turned round and looked at her quizzically.

"Yes?"

"What… What did Jack tell you about the Brecon Beacons?" she asked hesitantly. "I mean about what happened to you and me."

Ianto frowned, not really understanding where her question came from.

"Well, he told me we were taken prisoner and you managed to escape, before being taken again with Owen and Gwen. From what I understood, one of the bad guys was about to slit my throat when Jack finally came to our rescue and saved the day. Seems that it was the last straw for me and… well, as they say, the rest is history."

He tilted his head.

"Did I get something wrong?"

She took a deep breath.

"No, that is indeed the outline of what happened, but… It's not the whole story." She cleared her throat and looked him straight in the eye.

"At a certain point, they came to take us from our cell in order to… to beat us to death and I really thought our last hour had come."

She paused and lowered her eyes to her lap, forcing her breathing to calm down. Even after all these years and everything she had experienced in her job after that, this particular moment remained one of the worst of her life and it was hard for her to keep her emotions at bay.

"Anyway, as they dragged us from our cell, you told me to get ready to run. I knew you were almost as terrified as I was, but you started to joke as if it was nothing and all of the sudden you were head butting the guy and allowing me to make my escape."

Looking upwards, she stared at him and he found himself squirming under the intensity of her gaze, not quite able to believe that he was the man she was talking about.

"Jack may be the one who saved us at the end," she carried on, "but I'd have already been dead at that moment, if it hadn't been for you. _You_ saved my life. I never got a chance to say it to you at the time, so I'm doing it now."

She stood up and went to stand in front of him. Standing on tiptoe, she wrapped her arms around his shoulders to hug him tightly.

"Thank you Ianto," she whispered in his ear.

Taken aback, Ianto briefly tensed in her embrace, before finally returning it with equal fervour.

He patted her on the back and chuckled.

"You're aware that if Owen ever finds us like this, he's gonna kill me."

She released her hold and stepped back. Tucking a lock of her jet-black hair behind her ear, she shook her head.

"Owen may act like a twat sometimes…"

Ianto raised a dubious eyebrow at her statement and she rolled her eyes.

"Ok, _most_ of the time. But he is a good man. Really. He just doesn't deal well with people. Give him a chance. He's not so bad."

Ianto's features softened and he gave her an apologetic smile.

"I guess. It's obvious you wouldn't be with him, if he wasn't worth the trouble."

He stepped forwards and offered her his arm.

"Come on, we'd better join the others, before they start wondering what's taking us so long."

She gratefully took his arm and they headed towards the boardroom.

TW TW TW TW TW

Lunch time went surprisingly smoothly and in a friendly atmosphere, each member of the team making it their duty to fill Ianto in on the most spectacular cases they'd had to deal with.

"I swear, Owen. You really missed something," insisted Jack, picking up another slice of pizza from the box. "She was really hot for you."

The doctor overtly rolled his eyes, setting off a burst of giggles around the table.

"For God's sake, Harkness, that thing had tentacles."

"Yeah, but she knew so well how to use them," chuckled Jack with his mouth full.

"And how do you even know it was a she?" scoffed Owen.

"Because I took time to get to know her," said Jack with a sly smile. "Trust me, she had a lot of personality."

Owen shook his head with dismay.

"I thought so, but please no details."

"You people should be more adventurous."

"What's the point? You're adventurous enough for all of us. I still don't know how you managed to prevent little Jack being cut off, considering the way you put it anywhere."

"Everywhere, Owen," corrected Jack, waving his index in the air. "Not anywhere."

Their playful banter was abruptly interrupted by Jack's mobile phone ringing and Jack tapped his earpiece hurriedly.

"Harkness. Mister Prime Minister. I told you not to call me. I'm the one who calls you if needed," he said, his expression wavering between frustration and aggravation, before he disappeared into his office.

Owen threw his napkin in an empty box and stood up with a sigh.

"Okay, I guess that means the break is over. I should go back to the autopsy. Big Daddy is still waiting for me to take care of him."

"I'll clear away the dishes," said Tosh whilst he headed to the autopsy bay.

"I'm going to help you," Ianto immediately offered, standing up in turn.

"It's nice of you, Ianto," she thanked him. "But I think Gwen has other plans for you."

Ianto's eyebrow went up as he turned towards the former PC who gave him a lopsided smile.

"Thought you'd like to help me feeding Myfanwy and our other residents."

A smile spread on his lips at the idea of seeing the female dinosaur again.

"Oh yeah, I sure would."

"Then come with me. And when we're done with that, I'll show you around."

"That's nice of you," Ianto thanked her, trying to look more enthusiastic than he really was.

He had nothing against Gwen. He really liked her, in fact. Like Tosh, she was very friendly and he was glad his 'reunion' with his former colleagues went so well. He had just expected Jack to be the one who would give him a tour. Instead, the leader of Torchwood seemed to be doing his best to avoid him since their last conversation in front of the Tourist Office. Of course, he had noticed the glances and the encouraging smiles during the test, but since then, they had never been alone. Jack had spent the rest of the morning hidden in his office, and had disappeared in there again after the Prime Minister's call.

Ianto took a deep breath and followed Gwen towards the pterosaur's nest, hoping his earlier curiosity hadn't ruined all his chances with Jack.

As expected, his second encounter with Myfanwy went like clockwork, though she seemed slightly disappointed that he provided her only with her usual food and not with one of those delicious chocolate bars she loved so much.

The feeding of the Weevils, on the other hand, turned out to be livelier. Their new Weevil resident seemed to still bear a large grudge against Ianto and was snarling and growling whenever they tried to approach her cell.

"We'd better leave her to Owen," Gwen finally decided, after three fruitless attempts.

Ianto looked at her quizzically and she chuckled.

"Would be too long to explain, but he has got a trick with Weevils. They are at his beck and call. I swear, it's freaky."

Ianto joined her giggling.

"What do you want to call her?" she asked.

"Who?"

"Our new guest," said Gwen, pointing her thumb at the glass panel.

"Oh."

She crossed her arms and smirked.

"Unspoken rule: you catch it, you name it."

"Well..." His face suddenly broke into a grin. "Alice."

"Alice?" Gwen repeated, bemused.

"Yep. Since it seems that I fell down the Rabbit-Hole, it's only fair there is an 'Alice' here."

Gwen nodded approvingly.

"Nice thought." She turned towards the female Weevil. "What do you think? Do you like Alice?"

The creature merely snarled and hissed at her.

"Tut, tut, naughty girl. No one taught you it's highly impolite to snarl at people? You'd better behave before Owen comes down. He's not a model of patience."

Gathering her equipment, she beckoned to him to follow her.

"Come on, Ianto. I'll show you the rest of the place," she said with a bright smile

He seemed to hesitate though and just as she passed before him, he grabbed her by the arm.

"Gwen. Wait."

She looked at him quizzically.

"Yes?"

"I… I wanted to apologize."

"What for?" she asked, completely at a loss.

He adverted his eyes and stared at the stained ground of the vaults.

"Jack told me about what happened when Li… the Cyberwoman put you in the conversion unit. It must have been awful, and…"

She spun around to face him and put her hand on his shoulder with an indulgent smile.

"You tried to save the woman you loved. You don't need to apologize for that."

"But, you could have died," replied Ianto, still staring at his feet.

"I didn't," she countered.

"The two other people were not so lucky."

"Oh, Ianto, sweetheart," sighed Gwen. "That wasn't your fault. You did what you thought was right at the time."

She took his head in her hands and forced him to look at her.

"Love makes us do stupid things, sometimes. And when you do our kind of job, it can really suck. Trust me."

She closed her eyes briefly, remembering all the disasters which had ensued from the bad decisions she had made over the years. Billis, the rift, Jonah's mother.

"You're not the only one to screw up. Each of us has done more or less the same as you at one time or another. We're not better than you, not even Jack. We're only… human."

Ianto pulled a face and couldn't help chuckling.

"Quite philosophical."

Gwen let out a wry sigh and shrugged.

"I learnt the hard way that nothing can change what is already done. All you can do is to try and do better the next time."

"Then I'll try," stated Ianto quietly.

"Hey, teaboy!" shouted Owen from the stairwell, making the two of them startle. "Hurry up! Time to update you vaccinations."

"Huh, I'm up to date for all my vaccinations," objected Ianto.

"Even the Prokaranian fever and the Squirdirrish flu?"

Ianto's eyebrows shot up.

"Not as far as I know."

"That's what I thought, so move your butt. I don't have all day."

Rolling his eyes, Ianto left a giggling Gwen behind him and followed Owen up the stairs.

TW TW TW TW TW

"Sit down," the doctor gruffly ordered him as soon as they reached the autopsy bay.

Ianto perched on the autopsy table and looked around nervously. He didn't know what to expect and it stressed him. Moreover, it didn't help that the place looked conspicuously like some annex of Doctor Moreau's laboratory.

"Anything I should know before we start?" asked Owen, putting on a pair of latex gloves. "Something that wouldn't be in you medical records? Any disease? Accident? Pregnancy?"

"Sorry?" choked Ianto.

Owen snorted and shook his head.

"Never mind. Just Jack having a bad influence on me."

Ianto heard Owen shuffling behind his back and tensed a little. When the medic came back in front of him, he was holding what seemed to Ianto like a bigger than usual syringe, filled with an iridescent bright green liquid, as well as a cotton pad dipped in surgical spirit.

He swallowed hard. He'd had his fill of painful poking and probing over the years and a little shot was nothing in regard of what he had already endured, but he couldn't help cringing. He hated needles.

"Shirt off," ordered Owen as he squirted a small amount of liquid to chase an eventual air bubble.

Ianto hesitated and Owen's features softened.

"I've already seen your medical record. It's nothing new for me and nothing I've not already seen before." A vision of Jonah Bevan's ravaged face flashed in his mind and he added: "Or far worse."

The Welshman eyed him warily, before finally taking off his t-shirt.

"This is a little cocktail of some of our best homemade vaccines," explained the doctor whilst he was disinfecting a small area on Ianto's right shoulder. "Nothing too strong to begin with, but you'll have to receive a booster in six months and some additional injections over the first year."

Ianto let out an unhappy grunt.

"I'm not a big fan of needles."

"I know, but it's for your own good,"

Ianto's expression suddenly darkened.

"What?" frowned Owen.

The young man shook his head.

"Nothing." He winced as the needle pierced his skin and the fluorescent liquid slowly spread through the muscle underneath.

Catching his breath, he went on whilst Owen removed the needle and put a sticking plaster on his shoulder.

"It's just weird that you know this kind of stuff about me whereas I don't know anything about you, except for what Jack told me."

Owen threw away the used syringe and the cotton pad in a container, taking his time before speaking.

"Well, I wouldn't really say that we 'know' you."

Ianto wrinkled his brow, confused.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, all the time you were with us, you were rather secretive and not exactly keen to share private stuff with us. The fact is that we likely know as much about you as you know about us."

Ianto's eyes widened slightly.

"I'm sorry, I…" he stuttered with embarrassment, realizing how little faith he had shown, at the time, to his former co-workers.

Owen brushed away his attempt to apologize.

"Don't be. Hiding your little… secret in the basement certainly didn't leave a lot of room to build ties with us." He snorted derisively. "Besides, we're also to blame. We didn't make a lot of effort to get to know you either. And that's an understatement."

He looked Ianto straight in the eye, holding out his hand to him.

"Maybe we should try to do a better job this time."

A genuine smile spread on Ianto's lips, as he took the outstretched hand and firmly shook it.

"Yeah. Anyway, we can hardly make it worse."

Owen cracked a tight smile in return.

"Okay. So let's start. I have a question for you."

"Should I worry? Is it still _eliminatory_?" joked Ianto, imitating Owen's accent as he put his t-shirt back on.

"No," Owen rebuffed him with a roll of eyes, before adding more seriously: "But it could change the way you're gonna spend the next ten years, provided that you manage to stay alive all that time. So I want you to be honest, ok?"

Ianto's expression cooled down.

"Ok."

"How serious were you when you told Jack that you wanted to study medicine?"

Ianto gaped for a second at Owen's unexpected question, before regaining his composure.

"Deadly serious."

Owen crossed his arms on his chest and lifted his chin.

"Still interested?"

"More than ever. But I don't see…"

"I can teach you," said Owen bluntly.

Ianto eyed him with disbelief.

"You mean… to become a _doctor_?"

Owen shrugged noncommittally.

"Yep. Sort of. I can tell you already, it will never be official. No nice diploma to hang in your living room and all the stuff that come along with it. But I can teach you how to be a decent doctor… Torchwood style." He paused and smiled slyly. "You've been told and I'll warn you again. I'm a bastard. It won't be a picnic. Still want to have a try, though?"

Ianto grinned, his eyes already shining with excitement.

"When do we start?"

TW TW TW TW TW

Later in the afternoon, Ianto was working on filling some paperwork Tosh had given to him, when Jack entered the Tourist Office, having finally managed to get rid of the clingy Prime Minister and the mountain of his own paperwork.

"Hey, Ianto."

Ianto raised his eyes and his face lit up.

"Hey."

"Is everything alright?"

"Oh yeah," answered the young man, waving at the sheets of paper sprinkling his temporary desk. "Although, I would never have thought that chasing aliens could produce so much paperwork. Don't think I could survive working in an office for the rest of my life."

Jack chuckled and leant over the counter, arms crossed.

"Don't be so categorical. It has its own charm."

Ianto pulled a dubious face.

"Really?"

"Oh, yeah! Loving that office-y feel! I always get excited in those places. To me, they're rather… exotic. Office romances ... photocopying your butt..."

Ianto cocked an eyebrow and Jack faltered.

"Well, maybe not your butt..."

He cleared his throat and straightened.

"Did… Hum, did you call Mike Sherman?"

Ianto leant back in his chair and put down his pen.

"Yep. I told him I've finally decided to take this week off."

"And what are you going to tell him when it's over?"

Ianto merely shrugged.

"Don't know yet. Maybe that I was offered a job I couldn't refuse."

Jack shook his head and chuckled.

"I'll remind you of that, once you start complaining about impossible hours and working conditions."

He fidgeted with some out-of-date leaflets, before asking:

"Do you… have somewhere to stay tonight? Otherwise, I can surely get you a room at the St David."

"It's nice of you, but Owen has already offered me the use of his place, since he spends most of his nights at Tosh's flat now."

Jack cocked an eyebrow.

"Seems that you and our good doctor have made some substantial progress lately."

Ianto nodded.

"You could say that. He offered to train me to become a doctor."

Jack pressed his lips together appreciatively, though he wasn't completely surprised by Owen's proposition.

"No doubt he's going to make you a good one."

"Only time will tell," replied Ianto modestly, still not completely sure about the feasibility of such a venture.

"Anyway," Jack carried on, "if you need help with finding a new place, I'd gladly give you the names of a few real estate agencies. The prices tend to shoot up these days, but I'm sure they'll be able find you something affordable close by."

At his words, Ianto hid his mouth behind his hand and stifled a fit of the giggles.

"What?" snapped Jack, slightly mortified by his reaction. "Did I say something funny?"

Ianto calmed down and schooled his features.

"Sorry. No, but it's too good. At least there is still something the almighty Jack Harkness doesn't know about me. It's a relief to know I can still surprise you."

Jack pouted.

"I'm glad you're having so much fun, but what do you mean? You can't stay in London and work here at the same time. And, excuse me, but living in the hotel will ruin you in no time." He paused. "Unless you intend taking over Owen's flat."

Ianto shook his head.

"I'm a snail, Jack."

Jack frowned, completely at a loss.

"Sorry?"

Although he really enjoyed the expression of bemusement painted on Jack's face, Ianto decided to take pity on him and to put him in the picture.

"I'm living on a _houseboat_."

"A houseboat?"

"Yep. A houseboat. I don't need to move out. All I have to do is to moor it in Cardiff Harbour and it's done."

Jack's eyes widened with understanding.

"Oh. Then I guess it solves a lot of issues."

"And no risk I'll arrive late because of the traffic," added Ianto with a smirk.

"Any special reason for you to choose to live afloat?"

Ianto shrugged noncommittally.

"Not really, except that I always find it somehow… soothing."

Silence fell between them and they stayed that way for a moment, both knowing there were still a lot of things they needed to clear up, but neither of them having the tiniest clue where to start.

Screwing up his courage, Jack was the first to speak.

"Hum... Now you are back, I was thinking ... maybe we could, you know... dinner? A movie?"

Ianto felt his heart skip a beat, but he strove to keep his nerve.

_Wow, this is called getting straight to the point._

"Are you asking me out on a date?" he managed to ask, trying hard to keep his cool and slightly amused by the fact that the man whom everybody had described to him as a flirt on legs seemed suddenly as clumsy as a school boy.

Jack looked up and frowned.

"Interested?"

Ianto tilted his head on one side and waggled his eyebrows.

"Well... as long as it's not in an office. Some fetishes should be kept to yourself."

Jack's frown dissolved into a hopeful look.

"So… Is that a yes?"

"Yes."

Ianto's answer was devoid of any trace of hesitation and the tension in Jack's shoulders visibly loosened. Patting at the counter, he cleared his throat and stepped backwards.

"Great! Great. I guess… I should… let you finish your paperwork. The past couple of days have been hectic and… you must be looking forward to getting some rest."

He started to beat a retreat towards the front door of the Tourist Office

"I'll see you tomorrow."

His hand was already on the knob when Ianto bolted up and called his name.

"Jack?"

He spun around and looked at the younger man quizzically, suddenly afraid that he might finally have changed his mind.

"Yes?"

Ianto was chewing his lower lip nervously.

"May I ask you something?"

"As long as I have an answer," Jack nodded, his hand clenching the knob.

"Before we went to see the team, you said you didn't know whether _we_ were a good thing or not."

Jack nodded once again, trying desperately to get rid of the lump forming in his throat.

"Yes, I remember."

Ianto took a deep breath and averted his eyes.

"What… What makes you think it may have been a bad thing? I mean… you just asked me out and to me it seems more than right. So, why…"

Jack let go of the handle and slowly retraced his steps to stop barely an inch from Ianto. He lifted his hand and cupped Ianto's jaw, letting his thumb graze across his lower lip whilst his eyes slowly wandered from Ianto's lips to his eyes, then back to his lips again.

"I was attracted to you from the very moment I met you in the park. I couldn't explain it, but there was something… different about you. Something that made me want you more than I had wanted anyone for years... maybe decades. It wasn't just physical. Of course, you were handsome, but you also proved to be smart and... cheeky." He chuckled quietly. "You were such a tease. I wanted... I... I don't know. "

"You wanted to win me over?" offered Ianto with a lopsided smile.

Jack minutely shook his head.

"Sort of. But not only." His eyes clouded wistfully. "I told you, I can't explain, but we just... fit. And it was great."

He sighed.

"Of course, I sensed you were holding back, but I thought that maybe, over time, you'd eventually lower your guard and let me in. And then..." He trailed off.

"Then, you found out about Lisa," whispered Ianto

"Yeah. I found out and suddenly I started to question everything I took for granted about you. I started to wonder to what extent you had been acting. What was real and what wasn't." He paused and swallowed hard. "I have done a lot of things in my life which I'm not very proud of, but I never intended to force someone to sleep with me. Never."

"But you didn't," objected Ianto fiercely.

Jack shook his head sadly.

"There are a lot of ways to coerce someone into doing what you want. You needed to divert my attention from Lisa and... I'm not reputed for being really subtle when I want something, so…"

"You think that maybe I wasn't so willing," finished Ianto.

He placed his hand above Jack's and pressed it against his cheek, revelling in the sensation of the other man's warm skin against his. His heart was beating so hard that he wouldn't have been surprised if it could be heard from the other side of the bay. He closed his eyes and slowly leant forwards, until their foreheads touched.

"I don't know how I felt at that time, Jack. But I'm pretty sure of how I feel and what I want right now."

"And what do you want?" whispered Jack, his voice thick and hoarse with emotion and desire.

Ianto looked up and their eyes locked.

"I want you to kiss me."

_To be continued._


	14. Unlocking

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special thanks to my precious beta reader badly_knitted who takes time to beta my work, though she has hardly enough time to write her own wonderful fics.
> 
> Also a huge thank you to everyone who has been so kind to subscribe, bookmark and send kudos.

" _I want you to kiss me."_

Time suddenly seemed to stop, then expand endlessly, each second becoming an eternity. For what seemed like hours instead of a handful of seconds, they stood frozen, not daring to blink, whilst they desperately tried to convey their feelings through their gaze.

Taking Ianto's face between his hands, Jack slightly tilted it back and plunged even deeper in his eyes, drowning himself in the intense blue gaze.

"You're sure?" he asked hoarsely.

Ianto only nodded, afraid if he tried to speak his voice would fail him.

That was all he needed for the last string of Jack's restraint to snap. Closing his eyes, he slowly leant over and brushed his lips against Ianto's in a tentative and chaste kiss. Though it wasn't much, the sensation of Ianto's soft lips against his was enough to send shivers along his spine. He slightly raised his head and let his eyes wander across Ianto's face, searching for any trace of discomfort or second thought, but all he could read there was trust and longing. Drinking in the beautiful sight before his eyes, he let his thumbs graze along the line of Ianto's jaw, revelling in the sensation of warm skin and light stubble under his fingertips.

He just couldn't believe he was being given the chance to hold this wonderful man in his arms. It amazed him that knowing the truth about Lisa's death and his past, Ianto was still attracted to him and willing to give them a second chance. _For sure,_ thought Jack, _I will soon wake up, once again alone and miserable, and find out all of this was only a figment of my over-active imagination_. But for the time being, he was just glad to get caught up in his fantasy.

He was pulled out of his reverie by the feeling of Ianto's arms circling his neck and drawing him closer. Brushing his lips against Jack's ear, the young man whispered.

"You're thinking too much. Stop zoning out and kiss me again."

He had barely finished his sentence before Jack's lips were on his, capturing his mouth with soft, sliding pressure. Ianto's body shuddered with desire. It was new, thrilling and, at the same time, it felt like the most natural thing in the world. Kissing Jack was different from anything he had ever experienced before and not only because Jack was a man. It was everything he had expected and even more, as if he had never been kissed before. As their lips sealed together, Ianto felt a strange kind of pleasure coursing through his body and let out something that sounded suspiciously like a whimper, but he couldn't have cared less.

Closing his eyes tightly, he endeavoured to memorize every detail of their kiss, from the softness of Jack's lips against his to the lingering taste of coffee on his breath and the warmth of his hands stroking his neck.

Realizing that Jack wouldn't make the leap of his own accord, Ianto cupped his hand behind Jack's head and slowly let his lips slide apart, before tentatively tracing the older man's lips with his tongue. A low groan escaped from Jack's throat. He parted his own lips in turn and their tongues met up, each one brushing just a little bit against the other.

What had started as a slow and shy kiss, quickly became more intense and demanding as they explored each other's mouth and their tongues tangled, slick against each other.

Ianto's grip on Jack's hair became a bit stronger, whilst Jack's hands left Ianto's face and drifted down his chest to rest on his hips, pulling him closer. Finally overwhelmed by the desire that consumed him, Jack let his tongue invade Ianto's mouth and explore at will. Ianto stiffened briefly, then relaxed, relinquishing control. Fully surrendering to the lust and desire which was setting fire to his body and soul, he carded his long fingers though Jack's hair, eliciting another growl from the other man, whose hands clutched almost painfully at his hips.

Soon enough, Ianto found his back pressed against the wall, Jack's body grinding against his. Finding their way under the hem of his t-shirt, the older man's hands started to roam over the taut muscles of Ianto's abdomen, leaving a trail of prickling on their way. A strangled groan escaped Ianto's throat as he arched under Jack's touch. Pure raw desire washed over him. It felt so good. So right. He wanted more. So much more. He wanted Jack's mouth, Jack's hands. Everywhere.

He wanted him to set the fire to his body and soul.

_I want…_

He felt his heart tightening and his eyes welling up from frustration. He knew what he wanted, had always known it, since the very moment they had fallen in each other arms in that warehouse.

_I want... you… us. I want to remember…_

A very vivid image of their two bodies, glistening with sweat and entwined in a feverish embrace, flashed in his mind. Their open mouths sharing the same breath. Moans of pleasure filling his ears.

_Oh God! I want it. I want it back. I…_

Once again, he was overwhelmed by a new wave of sensation. Jack's hands on him, all over him. Stroking, rubbing his flesh and sending jolts of ecstasy through his entire body.

_Jack…_

He could felt his skin prickling and the temperature of the room rising. It felt hot. So hot. Too hot. It was as if molten lava was coursing through his veins. He gasped and tried to catch his breath.

The heat suddenly became unbearable. He tensed. Something was wrong.

A too familiar burning smell assaulted his nostrils, setting off an alarm in his head. Smoke. The place was on fire. They needed to warn the others and get out, right now. He tried to speak, to move, but no sound came out and his limbs refused to obey. Panic rose in him as he realized that he couldn't see either.

Excruciating pain exploded in his head and he screamed at the top of his lungs.

His eyes snapped open and it took him only a split second to know he wasn't in the Hub anymore. Smoke and flames were everywhere. He could hear muffled sobs and distressed cries around him and for a moment, it felt like he was back at the warehouse just before the accident. But the impression didn't last.

_You have to be upgraded._

As soon as the sound of the metallic voice reached his ears, he knew where he was. He was back at Canary Wharf. He was back in Hell. A heart-breaking cry filled the air. Lisa. She was screaming with pain whilst he desperately tried to haul her out of the conversion chamber.

_Somebody! Anybody!_

She was so heavy in his arms and it was so hard to drag her outside, but he couldn't fail. He couldn't leave her behind. He had to save her. She couldn't die. She was too young and they still had so much to experience together. They were going to get married and have kids. A lot of kids. Lisa would be a wonderful mother. He knew it. She was all he had here on earth and he swore he would do anything to save her.

_Jack, what are you doing?! - Resisting the urge to shoot._

Jack's voice was devoid of all emotion except cold rage and Ianto had no doubt he would squeeze the trigger without blinking an eye. Jack hated him now. He didn't care about Ianto's reasons. He didn't even want to hear what he had to say. In the end, in spite of his fine speeches, Jack was exactly like Yvonne Hartmann; just another bastard scavenging alien technology to suit his own purposes, regardless of the consequences for the others. He should have known better than to trust him. He couldn't rely on anyone. He was alone.

_NO! Call it off her! You can do that! Have some fucking mercy!_

But there was no mercy. None of them even tried to save her. They just wanted to see her dead. So they could dismantle the unit, burn her corpse, then pretend nothing had ever happened. None of them cared about her. They didn't even care about him. They didn't know anything about him. He was nothing more than a piece of furniture, a servant. And for Jack a convenient hole to screw whenever he felt the need.

He hated them. He hated Jack. He wished they were dead instead of Lisa.

_One day, I'll have the chance to save you... and I'll watch you suffer and die._

It was a lie. He couldn't kill Jack. Couldn't kill Lisa. Maybe he should kill himself instead. At least it would stop the pain. He was so tired of fighting. He wanted it to end. Cold spread through his body until he felt completely numb. He had lost everything. Lisa. His job. Jack. He had no reason to live now. None.

_Sorry she's dead? Or sorry you mentioned it? - I just didn't think. - You forgot._

He knew it was cruel and unfair, but he didn't care. Just for a moment, he wanted to be mean and rub it in their faces. He needed to pour out his anger, his pain and loneliness. But as his eyes met Jack's and he caught the hurt in his look, he knew it was futile. He had no right to blame them. He was a traitor and a liar. As much as he tried to ignore it, he had been the first to forget her. All those nights he had spent in Jack's arms, he had tried to pretend he was doing it to distract him and protect her. But to tell the truth, he had wanted it, since the very moment he had met Jack in the park. He was a liar and a coward.

_They need to eat. We're food._

The door of the fridge slammed shut in front of him, but too late. The picture of body parts partially wrapped in plastic filling the bloodied fridge was already printed on his retinas.

_I think they're the best we've ever had._

The scenery had changed, but the semi-darkness and unbearable stench remained the same. They were in the middle of the closest thing to Hell he could imagine. Blood was everywhere. Bodies hung from the ceiling. When his eyes caught sight of organs in jars on the chopping board, he knew with an absolute certainty he was going to die.

_You see ... meat ... has to be tenderized first._

Everything hurt. Tosh had escaped and they were enraged. They hit him. Kicked him again and again. He felt a dirty piece of cloth being forced into his mouth and gagged at the foul taste. He was going to die there. Alone. Begging on his knees in vain. He was going to bleed to death and no one would come to his rescue. He may have wished for death, but not like that. God, no! Not like that!

Maybe, if Tosh had still been with him, Jack would have come for her. But he was alone and Jack hated him now. Ianto had betrayed him. He had betrayed the man he loved. There was no more hope.

_Meat..._

Rough hands hauled him up and the blindfold was ripped from his head. The edge of a chopper gleamed in the dim light.

_Jack… Help me…_

The world wobbled and Jack's distant distressed voice calling Owen's name was the last thing he heard before darkness took him.

_I love you… Jack…_

TW TW TW TW TW

The sound of footsteps, followed by metallic tinkles went through the dark as Ianto slowly came to his senses. He gradually became aware of his surroundings and someone moving and rummaging nearby, but he couldn't bring himself to open his eyes.

The events of the day rushed through his head. The hangover, his conversation with Jack at the coffee shop, Owen's test, Jack with him in the Tourist Office, their kiss, then the pain in his head and the blackness that had swallowed him.

A dull soreness had replaced the unbearable pain in his skull and his body felt heavy like lead. Through the haze of his mind, he briefly wondered if Owen had sedated him, but quickly dismissed the idea. The medic was too wise and careful to take the risk of drugging him whilst he was still unconscious.

Keeping his eyes shut and his breathing slow and even, he waited, expecting the pain to come back at any moment. But nothing happened. Strangely enough, he found himself more or less in the same state as that very morning when he had woken up from his heavy drinking. A bit confused, but calm and almost… relieved. There was no sign of the rats which had taken up residence in his stomach for months.

A draught of cold air brushed him and he shivered involuntarily. Almost immediately, he felt a raspy cover being spread over his shoulders. A hand, cold and dry- Owen's, he guessed- brushed his shoulder, then the sound of the footsteps drifted away before fading away altogether.

Finally alone, Ianto frowned, eyes still closed. Things were by no means what they should be.

He shouldn't be so calm and composed, shouldn't feel relieved at all. He should feel guilty and sad, for having betrayed Jack's trust and hurt his feelings. He should blame himself for the death of Doctor Tanizaki and Annie, and for having failed in his promise to save Lisa.

It only seemed logical that the guilt and hurt would come back, along with the memories. Being told about what had happened was far different from actually remembering it. And God knew that his memories were pretty vivid. He could effortlessly remember Lisa's screams as she had been fighting off Myfanwy or Annie's empty gaze after the Cyberwoman had transferred Lisa's brain into her skull.

He had no doubt those images were going to haunt him for the rest of his life, but surprisingly enough, they seemed to have lost their devastating effect on him. They were clear but distant, as if those things had happened ages ago and to someone else.

Ianto suddenly realized that, in a way, it had been another lifetime. As a fireman, he had experienced his fair share of horrors. Some of them could easily compete with the traumatic events from his past and they had indisputably forged his character and made him the man he was now.

Though the circumstances of Lisa's death had been horrendous, it was her absence that had turned out to be the most painful, as well as the certainty that he had also lost Jack's trust and care –he wouldn't dare to say affection- in the process. Through the four years which had passed since then, he had had plenty of time to learn to accept the inevitable, to grieve and mourn his loss.

His thoughts drifted towards Lisa and all those months she had spent trapped in that evil machine, suffering to no avail, only because he couldn't bring himself to let her go and accept that, despite appearances, she was already dead. Had he been less blinded by the wish to save her at all costs, he would have understood the way the machine used the most intimate details of their life to lure him.

Maybe his own injuries and the months he had passed lying on his bed of suffering had been some sort of penance for the hurt he had caused. Anyway, lamenting on what should have been done or not was of no use now. He couldn't bring Doctor Tanizaki and Annie back to life. No more than he could resurrect the other victims of Canary Wharf.

He played once again in his head his last conversations with his teammates. Maybe it was time for him to turn the page and move on. He had forgiven them and they seemed to have forgiven him. As for Jack, he had shown pretty clearly that he was still interested in him. God! He had even asked him out on a date. A date!

It was said that time healed all wounds, and maybe it was true. The same way the fire had left scars on his body, his past choices and their fallouts would scar his heart and mind permanently, but in the end, the wounds had closed and the pain was gone, so...

The rational part of his mind had taken over from his emotions and with all the cards in hand to define who he was and where he came from, he had now to decide what the best way forward would be for his life.

He had dealt with his past. It was time to face his future.

Taking a deep breath, he gathered his courage and forced his eyes to open.

TW TW TW TW TW

A gloomy atmosphere was hovering above Jack's office when Owen finally returned from the autopsy bay. Jack was hunched in his chair, elbows on his knees, holding his head with both hands in a perfect embodiment of defeat. Gwen stood beside him, one of her hands resting on his shoulder in a vain attempt to comfort him. As for Tosh, she was curled up on the old couch near the circular window and was staring into space.

With a heavy sigh, Owen crossed the doorstep and plopped down on the other end of the couch. Tosh immediately caught his hand and squeezed it gently.

"He's sleeping," he said before any of them found the courage to ask.

"How is he?" asked Gwen hesitantly.

Owen shook his head.

"Still too early to tell. At first sight, the scanner doesn't show any brain damage, but…" he trailed off and shrugged.

"But?" repeated Gwen.

He let out a weary sigh before answering.

"It's rather his mental status which worries me."

"When will you…" she started to ask again.

"Don't know." Owen cut her off more harshly than he intended to. He leant back on the couch and winced as he felt one of the springs poking him in the buttocks. Goddam, they needed to change it. This thing was certainly as antique as Jack.

"We have to wait until he wakes up. Only then will I be able to assess the extent of the damage."

"What's the worst case scenario?" Tosh finally dared to ask, her hand now rubbing Owen's knuckles.

The doctor paused for such a long time before answering that she started to wonder if he had even heard her. When he finally spoke, it was with a dull voice.

"Flat Holm."

He knew that it wasn't what they wanted to hear, but it was the grim truth. Chances were that, on his waking, Ianto's state of mind would be even worse than it had been before he was retconned. In that case, Torchwood's secret hospital would be the only facility capable of taking care of him.

Gwen crossed her arms on her chest and averted her eyes.

"It's so unfair," she moaned. "He was doing so well. You reckoned yourself that the odds were against…"

"Yeah, I know."

Owen pulled a face and ran a hand through his hair.

"Seems like he finally found a good reason to open the bloody Pandora's Box."

"I kissed him," muttered Jack in a faint voice which seemed to come from out of the grave.

Three pairs of eyes focused on him, as he slowly lifted his head and looked at them with bleary eyes.

"We were… talking about… us. He said he wanted me to kiss him… and I did… I…" His eyes met Owen's and he sighed. "All of this is my fault. I should have listened to you."

Jumping up from his chair, he started to pace furiously, clutching his hair with both hands.

"It was stupid! Stupid!" He slammed his hand against the nearest wall and leant his forehead against it.

"Oh, Jack," Gwen tried to soothe. "Don't. You couldn't guess…"

"Oh please, Gwen!" exclaimed Jack with exasperation. "Stop mothering me. I'm not a kid anymore."

"Neither is Ianto," countered Owen firmly. "He is an adult and he was aware of the risks. It was his choice, so stop the martyr act, okay? It's not helping."

He slowly stood up and went to put his hand on Jack's shoulder, before adding more softly:

"We are all in the same boat with you. If you are to be blamed, then we are too. We all agreed for his return and though I might have expressed some reservations at first, I let it happen, regardless of my bad feelings about it."

Jack glared at the doctor and shrugged his hand away without a word. He slowly walked towards his desk, opened the top drawer and retrieved a small bottle of pills which he slammed on the desk blotter with a small thud, before turning his back to them, arms crossed.

"The last two weeks, remember."

"Jack…" grumbled Owen.

"We had a deal," retorted Jack dryly without turning around.

" _Don't you think you should at least wait until I wake up, Sir?"_

The sound of Ianto's sharp voice startled all of them and, as they turned as one man towards the door, Jack's hand knocked over the bottle of pills which fell from the desk. The lid popped off and the little blue pills scattered all over the floor with a crackling noise. But Jack didn't care. Like the others in the room, his attention was fully focused on the young man, who was casually leant against the frame of the threshold, his pale face sporting an undecipherable expression.

The blankness in Ianto's eyes was ripping at Jack's heart.

_Sir._ The word resounded in his ears like a knell and his last hopes came to nothing.

"Ianto!" Tosh was the first to recover from her surprise.

Jumping up, she threw herself into his arms, hugging him tightly.

"Oh, you gave us such a scare," she mumbled against his shoulder whilst the young man returned her hug and briefly pressed his lips to the top of her forehead.

Without a word, he gently disentangled himself from her embrace and pushed himself away from the door frame, his eyes still steadily locked on Jack who was staring back.

"Ianto?" she asked worriedly. He didn't answer and she sent a puzzled glance at Owen, but he and Gwen were too engrossed with watching the motionless stare shared by the two men to pay attention to her.

It was obvious that something crucial was going on between the two of them, but they were damned if they could say whether it was for the best or the worst.

Without breaking eye contact with Jack, Ianto slowly walked towards the older man, thoroughly mashing the scattered pills under the soles of his boots in the process.

Jack shifted uncomfortably and braced himself, expecting anything, either a punch in the face or a new rant about the fact that he was the 'biggest of the monsters'. He took a deep breath and waited.

Ianto took the few steps that placed him directly in front of the older man. Nothing happened and Jack suddenly became uncertain. He felt the whole team watching them. Unsure of what to do, he tentatively stretched out his hand, but Ianto ignored it. Instead, he cupped Jack's face with his hands, tilted his head and kissed him.

For the second time that day, the world seemed to stop turning and Jack's breath was taken away. Unable to think straight, he stood unresponsive for a moment. He could hardly believe it. Ianto was kissing him, just like that, in front of everyone.

This kiss was even better than the one they had shared earlier in the Tourist Office. There was no hesitation, no restraint from Ianto. It was a kiss of forgiveness and love, which chased away any trace of doubt or resentment. It was the seal of a new beginning.

He vaguely registered the faint sound of Owen snorting and the girls cooing in the background, but didn't pay attention to it. The feeling of the young man's lips on his was incredible. Instinctively, Jack's arms wound around Ianto's waist as he pulled him against him and returned the kiss, savouring a moment of pure elation.

When they finally broke away, Ianto's forehead touched Jack's. A warm smile lit up his face as he looked at Jack's still shut eyes and parted lips. He softly chuckled, his hands resting on either side of Jack's neck.

"You're gonna have to find a better excuse to weasel out, you know," he whispered. "Because I really want to have that date." His low voice became even more seductive. "Dinner, movie, I want the whole package."

Jack merely nodded, too afraid that Ianto would vanish into thin air if he dared to open his eyes. Ianto's smile widened. He leaned over and planted a quick kiss on Jack's lips, before letting go of him and turning around.

Jack's eyes snapped open. He lunged forwards and grabbed Ianto by the arm halfway to the door.

"Where are you going?" he blurted, unable to hide a slight hint of panic in his voice.

Ianto lowered his eyes to the hand on his wrist and Jack immediately released it, wincing at his involuntary display of possessiveness. Ianto shook his head and smirked at Jack's sudden awkwardness, wondering where the fearless and dashing seducer from his memories had gone, as it appeared he wasn't the only one who had changed during the last few years.

"Well, unless you intend to fire me, I'm going to get on with my job." He ran a finger across the top of the desk and pulled a face. "This place is a pigsty."

Jack lowered his gaze and held back a peal of laughter at the reminder of Ianto's legendary mania for tidiness.

"Yeah. Can't deny in that area our level of expertise leaves much to be desired."

Ianto raised an eyebrow and couldn't help snorting.

"You think?"

Jack merely shrugged and ran a hand through his hair, looking away.

"You're… staying?"

Ianto's features softened and he nodded.

"At least until you get bored of seeing my face."

Burying his hands in his pockets, Jack squared his jaw and gave him a challenging look through his eyelashes.

"Be careful, I might take you up on that."

"I hope so," replied the young man slyly.

He was about to turn on his heel when Owen's commanding voice made him stop dead in his tracks.

"Hang on, Teaboy. You are going nowhere before I give you a full examination."

Ianto rolled his eyes and sighed.

"I'm fine, Owen. Really. Just a slight headache. That's all."

Owen raised an eyebrow.

"Oh, yeah. After seeing you snogging our fearless leader with so much enthusiasm, there is no doubt about it." He placed himself in front of the young man and glared at him. " _But_ until further notice,I'm still the only doctor here and I'd prefer to make sure of it myself. I'm fed up with surprises. Am I clear?"

Ianto seemed about to argue, but finally decided otherwise.

"Crytal clear."

Owen nodded, satisfied.

"Good. Let's go."

He stepped aside to let Ianto pass, favouring him with a small gesture of reverence whilst trying his best to hide a smirk. As they reached the doorway, Ianto suddenly stopped causing Owen to bump into him with a grunt.

Pointedly ignoring him, Ianto glanced at Jack over his shoulder.

"Oh, Jack. Before I forget, could you be so kind as to retrieve my suits from storage for tomorrow, please?"

Jack's brow furrowed.

"I thought you didn't wear suits anymore."

Ianto shrugged noncommittally.

"This place obviously needs to regain a little bit of decorum." A cocky smile spread on his lips as he added. "And I also remember you said I looked good in them."

"Yeah, yeah. I did," admitted Jack dreamily.

"Whatever. Move your ass," grumbled Owen, unceremoniously pushing Ianto outside.

Tosh raised the eyes to heaven and sighed, following them closely.

"I'll make sure those two idiots behave."

"I'll give you a hand," chuckled Gwen.

She turned towards Jack and cleared her throat, uncomfortable.

"I think you'd better be warned that I didn't have time to show him the archives earlier."

Jack tipped his head back and hissed between his teeth.

"Shit."

She winced with sympathy.

"You said it. Do you want me to…" she suggested unenthusiastically.

He gently turned her down with a small shake of his head.

"No thanks. I think I'll handle it."

"Ok." She backed off quickly, quite relieved to let him deal with this particular issue.

After she gave him one last pat on the arm, she left the room and Jack leant back against his desk and stared into space.

Calling a spade a spade, at the time Ianto had joined Torchwood Three the archives were a mess. To such an extent that it was almost impossible to find anything in them. It had taken Ianto months to achieve the Herculean task of putting them in order and he had had every right to be proud of the results. At the time of his breakdown, there wasn't a single item collected since Torchwood's inception that hadn't been scrupulously inventoried and stored.

Since then, it was sadly obvious that they couldn't pride themselves on the same dedication as the former Torchwood One archivist. Truth was that they had been even more than careless and the archives had gone back to the exact state they were in before his intervention, if not worse.

To say that the young Welshman would be pissed off when he found out was an understatement.

Jack slowly walked around the desk and sat down. Leaning back in his chair, he joined his fingertips and a delighted smile bloomed on his lips.

_Ianto is going to kill me for that,_ he thought _. But what a lovely way to die._

_To be continued_


	15. All is for the best

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special thanks to my precious beta reader badly_knitted.  
> Here is a small epilogue to close this episode. A smutty bonus is planned, but since I've never written anything like that before, it will require some time.  
> I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. Also a huge thank you to everyone who has been so kind to comment this fic and to those who have subscribed, sent kudos or bookmarked. It means a lot to me.

Leaning against the railing of the gallery, Ianto watched the main area and smiled with contentment.

After he had come back from his check up with Owen and the good doctor had confirmed to Jack that he wasn't suffering any aftereffects from his ordeal, they had all talked lengthily about his new position in the team.

Since Ianto had appeared to have regained most of his knowledge and memories, in addition to his acquired skills as a fireman, it had been reckoned that confining him to his previous role of 'butler' would only prove to be complete nonsense.

As a result, they decided that, after a short period of retraining, he would spend half of his time in the field and the other half working with Owen, until he fulfilled all the conditions to become a full time field agent as well as the team's second medic.

Gwen and Tosh had also decreed that he needed to have a workspace worthy of the name and not what they had described as a broom closet. They had therefore undertaken to set up a new workstation without further delay. He had offered his help, which they had gently but firmly turned down, insisting that it would be their welcome present.

Owen had also offered to help, but had soon been called to the vaults for a little chat with Alice, their latest resident who was showing herself to be less than thrilled by her new accommodations.

Unable to remain idle, Ianto had finally taken it upon himself to clear the main area of all beer bottles, pizza boxes and take away packaging cluttering it, in addition to some stuff he'd preferred not to identify. After that, he had organized the transfer of his houseboat from London and started to set up a cover story to explain his sudden 'change of career'. The concept looked rather appealing and he made a mental note to talk to Jack about it when the opportunity arose.

He would also have to pay a visit to the nearest store and buy one month's supply of cheap decaf. What he had found when he had ventured into the archives hadn't pleased him. Not in the least. The only words that came to his mind were'criminal negligence' and if nothing else, the current state of them had only served to confirm his co-workers' complete lack of competence as regards filing and cleaning.

Though he had graciously agreed to keep making coffee and doing most of the cleaning, things would have to change. They would have to make the effort to tidy and clean up their own mess. He wasn't their odd-job man anymore and had no intention of being so again.

He felt a presence sneaking up on him, but didn't turn around. He had already recognized the unmistakable and intoxicating scent of the 51st century pheromones which Jack told him about when they first met.

"How do you feel?" asked Jack. He brushed past Ianto and came to lean on the railing beside him.

Ianto noncommittally shrugged, trying his best to ignore the warm sensation that spread through him whenever he was physically close to the other man.

"Besides a slight headache, I'm rather fine."

"Good. Good," nodded Jack.

Silence fell between them. Jack's eyes ran over the now tidy main area, where Gwen and Tosh were working whilst chatting in low voices.

"I missed this," he said quietly.

Ianto smirked.

"It only needed a good sweep."

Jack half turned to face him and look him straight in the eye.

"I wasn't talking about housekeeping."

Ianto's features softened and he returned Jack's gaze with the same intensity.

"Me neither."

Jack sighed and leant back against the railing. He felt at a loss. Things should have been easy now between them. Except that they were not. They had kissed. Then Ianto had told him that he wanted to go out on a date with him. Yet, Jack didn't know where he stood. Did that mean that he had to take things slow and go back to the start? Did Ianto expect him to… court him? He had barely managed to get used to the 'new' Ianto he had met two weeks ago and now he was facing yet another man and a new mystery. The last thing he wanted was to make a wrong move and ruin his chances.

As if sensing his inner turmoil, Ianto decided to take the first step.

"If you're interested ... I found your stopwatch in one of the drawers of the Tourist Office," he informed Jack whilst removing it from his pocket. "It seems to be in perfect working order."

"So?" asked Jack, wondering if it meant what he thought it did. The stopwatch had been one of their fetishes at the time, but…

Ianto shrugged and cocked an eyebrow.

"Well, think about it. Lots of things you can do with a stopwatch."

Jack grinned widely, a sudden wave of heat going through his body at the sight of the sparkling in Ianto's eyes. Oh yeah, it definitely meant what he thought. He decided to play along.

"Oh, yeah. I can think of a few."

Ianto nodded, his face remaining serious and detached whilst the light in his eyes told a very different story.

"There's quite a list."

Jack pushed himself from the railing and locked eyes with Ianto, his face only an inch from Ianto's, his breath ghosting over the young man's lips.

"I'll send the others home early. See you in my office in ten."

Ianto tilted his head on one side.

"That's ten minutes ..."

He started the stopwatch and waggled his eyebrows, a mischievous smile blossoming on his lips.

"... and counting."

Jack smiled in turn and walked away, but as he reached the stairs, Ianto's voice stopped him dead in his tracks.

"Jack."

He spun around. The sparkle had left Ianto's eyes and Jack's smile faltered. Could Ianto have changed his mind so quickly?

"Yes?" He swallowed hard and waited.

The young man pressed his lips together and took a deep breath.

"Jack. Before we go any further, you have to understand that… I'm no longer the cute boy you fancied." He lowered his eyes and stared at the floor. His hand spontaneously came up to rub his right shoulder. "I... I have those scars and... you know, I…"

Jack let out a breath he didn't even know he was holding and ran a hand through his hair. Returning to Ianto in a few long strides, he took the young man's face in his hands and forced him to meet his gaze.

"Ianto, listen to me, because I won't repeat myself." His voice was firm and calm as if he was talking to a child. "I don't care about your scars. You should know by now that looks don't matter to me. You've heard Owen's stories about my sex life. Damn, I once dated a girl who had scales!"

Ianto couldn't help a quickly stifled laugh.

"I know, I know," he whispered. "It's just that you are so… perfect."

It was Jack's turn to let out a burst of laughter.

"I'm far from perfect, trust me. I'm almost certainly the most imperfect person in this world… and some others too."

Ianto rolled his eyes.

"I meant _physically_ perfect. I don't harbour any illusions about your personality, don't worry."

Jack's thumb stroked his cheek whilst the older man spoke again.

"You may not be able see them, but I also carry my own scars, inside. And believe me, they are far more terrible than yours. Maybe in time, we'll learn to show them to each other." He paused and took a deep breath. "I want to be with _you,_ Ianto Jones and a few scars won't be enough to change that, okay?"

Ianto nodded slowly, not fully trusting his voice.

Jack's gaze danced back and forth between Ianto's eyes and lips, before he released his face and gave him an encouraging smile.

"See you in ten?"

Ianto returned the smile tentatively.

"Actually, I think it's closer to nine, by now."

Jack groaned and ran off. Ianto let out a chuckle and turned round.

Watching Jack hurrying to talk to Gwen and Tosh, he wondered what could have been his life if he hadn't asked for Retcon that fateful night. Would Jack and he have found the strength to resolve their issues and get back together, or would they have eventually split up? How much different would his life have been? Would he have been happy after all or would he have sunk even deeper into depression until he finally reached the point of no return?

_Everything that happens to you has a reason to._

The words of his grandmother echoed through his mind and shook him out of his musings.

His hand tightened around the stopwatch. No matter what could have happened, the most important thing was that he was now back where he belonged and had Jack by his side. As far as he was concerned and to paraphrase the French philosopher Voltaire: all was for the best in the better of the worlds.

_End of the episode 1._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm currently working on three other projects for Torchwood (two non-alien crossovers with Doctor Who and the next episode of the Flame beneath Ashes series). I don't know which one will be finished first, but it will be posted as soon as it's complete.


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